the tree
reminds me of you -
not only because
it stands there, private,
a cathedral of patience,
of quiet roots and rings,
its gentle gaze
filled with hidden fires
and wings, a viewfinder
of circling days and moons;
or the open hands
of its leaves throbbing
with waters that patter
(the wet beginnings of life),
but also because
the warm winds,
washing through its veins
- evergreen, ever earth -
draw up my soul
to talk with the sky
just like your love
is delivering me
to ever vistas now
Author notes
No one else will travel trough the shadows with me,
Only you, evergreen, ever sun, ever moon
[Pablo Neruda, Sonnet LXXI]
Written November 17th, 2005
In a list
- poetry of leaves and trees • next in list
- a walk with Pablo Neruda • next in list
- Inspired by Pablo Neruda • next in list
A contest entry
- Contest # 5 is now judged. by Lyndon.
450 points, ended April 5, 2006, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 83 of 83
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Jim, thank you, my friend for the kind comments. Always a joy to have you visit my pages. How are you doing?
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Nicolette,
finally ready to do your work justice,
loved the metaphor as usual, but not just as a tree, but specific; evergreen. Tells so much more than oak.
It is so intiguing to visit you work and find a poem, unlike so many others, where every word adds something, not a syllable overdone or discarded carelessly. Examples; stanza two "private", and stanza 5 washing.
all the passion all the love, all the pauses to enjoy and point out life. Great work.
Jim -
Thanks, Rohina - I loved your version as well (especially the metaphor of the sea)! I see that we share a love of the same great poets. Be well ~
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Wow, you have definetly done justice to the original. I loved your take on it - especially the fact that you took the route of "not only because" that gave the poem its own individuality whilst still managing to keep the Layton inspiration alive
Well done Nicolette - I can never get enough of your talent
Rohina
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Ron, thank you so much for the kind comment and the suggestions - I appreciate everything you put into this thing we call poetry! I'm still pondering on the suggestions you've made...let me think some more, my friend!
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Margaret, thank you very much for the kind words - much appreciated!
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You have used this metaphor very beautifully Nicolette, I like the way you have personified the tree with the thought of a person, and also imbued the person with qualities of the tree. Very lovely. Best of luck.
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Excellent with or without the change I prefer
Hello, Nicolette. I have fallen in love with 95% of this poem: I shall plant it below with part of your poem repeated. Tell me what you think. Ron.
the tree
reminds me of you -
not only because
it stands there, private,
a cathedral of patience,
of quiet roots and rings,
its gentle gaze
filled with hidden fires
and wings, a viewfinder
of circling days and moons;
or the open hands
of its leaves throbbing
with waters that patter
(the wet beginnings of life),
but also because
the warm winds,
washing through its veins
- evergreen, ever-earth -
draw up my soul
to talk with the sky
just like your love
is delivering me
to the tree
that reminds me of you.
If this enables you to feel pleased at the composition that is alkl yours, by all means use it. Ron
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Thank you for the lovely comment, Susan. I agree, love is a diffult subject and I too dislike mushy poems. It is always a challenge to present love poetry in a fresh and unique way...but I do try. Best wishes!
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First I must say that I love when the image (the painting) does not tell you what the poem is about but rather adds a compliment to it. So often you see an image and then the poem is nothing more than a verbal description of it.
next -
Love is a hard theme to write about in a fresh and interesting way, you have managed that nicely. I especially like the second and fourth stanza. To have someone that is patient and with an open hand and heart. That is a love worth kindling.
finally -
this is a style I am trying to learn. Free verse that has a bt of structure. each stanza having a new thought, but all building in a single description. Your metaphor is not so deeply inbedded as to be undetectable, that is something more people could learn from.
I am not a fan of mushy love poems, this is far from that and I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Susan -
Thank you....!
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What a fabulous piece. I love the style you've chosen, really gives it a wonderful strenght
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Stuart, thank you for your indepth and positive comments. I like the way you look into a poem and the efforts you put into your contests! Yes...you are right about "draw"...oops, that is the Afrikaans in me that came through there!
About the "ever vistas now" - I realize it is a "strange" way of putting it, but that is how I write, lol - looking for fresh ways and images. "Ever vistas" indeed refers to "forever" - the way his love allows me to see forever - both physically (with my eyes) and spiritually (with the mind's eye). I hope that clears it up...and I won't throw paperclips at you!!
Best wishes and thanks again for a wonderful comment. You're doing a great job! ~
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CONTEST CRITIQUE!
Hi Nicolette, sorry it's later than hoped, but here it is, Editorial first
Editorial Critique
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Stanza 6: Line 1: Since you are talking about the "warm winds", I believe "draw" (singular) would be better here than "draws" (check this by reading this section of your long sentence). When reading the two stanzas together, "draws" made me question that fact.
Well, that was short and sweet
Subject Matter Critique:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I was a little thrown by the final line "to ever vistas now". Does the "ever" represent something like forever/eternity? To me, the sentence read a little strangely, and its meaning wasn't overtly immediate. Could you clarify this point for me please, so that I am aware? If you tell me the exact meaning of this line I would be grateful, though I have a nagging suspicion it may just be the way I have read it (in which case, feel free to flick paperclips at me with rubber bands to wake me up a bit!!).
This is a beautiful poem, and a real pleasure to read. I love how you use nature - and at times also spiritual means - to present love as the theme. This poem is full of remarkable, admirable and beautiful expressions, ie "the wet beginning of life". That which I have quoted could be taken as a reference to "the continual newness and freshness of the love".
The final two lines lucidly convey the affinity between you/your soul and that of the person you are writing about.
Each stanza is filled with new expressions (new as in original, not only new in terms of how they feature in the poem). The structure enables this piece to be followed easily, and the smooth, delicate tone is perfectly fitting to the theme ~ that of love, and of nature akin. Although I know how you enjoy providing me with the riddles of your work's purposeful openness to interpretation, I found this piece allowed for your messages to be conveyed solidly and identifiably. There is a manner of depth to this entry's content, that I hoped to receive from entries into this Contest.
A wonderful piece of writing, and I thank you kindly for bringing it to my attention
Stuart
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Thank you, untouched pages (love your name..) - glad you like the "tree of love"! ~
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With everything ive read ive never thouht that u can show love with something as simple as a tree.(wow that sounds stupid) This is very deep......as well as it has amazing imagery.
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John, thank you very much! I'll be looking at your poetry too - best wishes! ~
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An excellent poem. It was one of the links in my latest contest (submit your best and the poem you think best on this site) Doesnt' surprise me they thought this in that high regard.
A remarkable read that got you onto my favorite reading list.
thanks and I look forward to reading more of your works.
John -
Hi!!!
Right ... I got your message, and I am going to look at the poem when I critique (with fresh eyes and mind!) at the weekend. If I do so now, with a day and night without sleep behind me (it's 6.10am here in UK) I just know I am going to make a lame judgement and fall flat on my face 
Ha ha ha!!!
Stu
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Hi Stu. I've looked at the capitalization...lol, actually this poem is one loooong sentence!! ~
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Hi Nicolette!
Thanks for submitting this entry; I am pleased to see your work featuring once again. As before, could you please ensure capitalization/presentation etc is covered (the basics, that's all)?
I am looking forward to reading and critiquing this piece, with an awareness of your style on this occasion
Regards
Stu
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Beautiful Piece! A beautiful write, nicely expressed and detailed. Thank you for entering this piece into my contest, hope all goes well and good luck
~ Ebony ~ -
superb
an enticing Sonnett you weave with the circles of life and symmetry of love and perils of leaves that branch around us with all of the nature's stories amongst the rods and leaves.
a grand jesture you leave us guessing in the sounds of the winds and songs of love in this Sonnet -
Thank you so much, Rob - and for that "little black heart" of yours...your comments are always from the heart! ~
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I hate it when I arrive late and it's all been said.
and I see the tree
because the tree sees me
rooted in fertile loam
to shade my vulnerable
to share the sweet blaze
to sustain vistas
sorry about the dumb ass comment. This touched my little black heart.
Peace, Rob
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What one sees through a window, and what one imagines through it too - a lovely view and a lovely write together make a wonderful package. Well written.
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weeps bitter tears 'cause ya entered one of my FAVORITES by you... Oh. Wait. They're ALL my favorites by you. Never mind...sighhh... 
Love you, Woman...Buena suerte, mi amiga...(Good luck in Spanish; one of the few phrases I remember from 9th grade...) 
Vlindertjie
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A lovely piece.
Such a lovely approach and raising fresh insights into the structure and purpose of this wonderful work of nature. Inspiring and beautiful as always. -
Thank you so much for the kind words - glad you noticed my poetry!! ~
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wow...i just notice ur poetry today..wow..ur style is very refreshing ..and different..but wonderfully expressed..great piece..lovely
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You write real nice.
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A really beautiful poem. Excellent imagery and very well written.
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Thank you, Leslie . I have missed you around here, my friend. Yeah, both of us not American, but hope you have a wonderful time too
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WOW Nicolette, I have missed your poetry a lot, this poem is just so beautiful, its what poetry its supposed to be, leave you speechless and yet so filled of ideas, in this poem you portrait the happiness and how the nature comes along to see it all beautiful, I did notice the Neruda’s influence you know I’m a fan well I felt as I read the poem the piece the bliss that only love can bring… “the tree reminds me of you” yes when you are in love a particle in the air can remind you of that one such a beautiful write, something else this is a bit longer that you usually write but hey welcome be more of your wonderful and beautiful words….
Although I know you aren’t American… and neither am I…
Happy Thanksgiving Day… May God Bless You
Leslie
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Not many have the ability to consistently deliver such emotive love poems Nicolette. Incredible tenderness coupled with subtle undertones of sensuality.Good to be reading you again.
Sonia XX -
Thanks, Melanie for always being so kind! Yes, we all need a tree like this to lift us up to the skies.. Take care ~
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Ohh.. how this made my heart swell! I was certain it would explode. You have poured so much into this write that your love is apparent. and Don't we all need a tree like this. Nicolette, This was beautiful.
always,
melanie
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Thank you, Reenie for a lovely comment and for being a tree-lover too!! I also love the quote by Rumi: Trees are poems that nature writes upon the sky. We fell them down so that we may record our emptiness... Words that makes one think. Best wishes, dear ~
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Thank you, Colonel Picklejar (like your name..) - glad you enjoyed it! ~
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Thank you, abernaith for your lovely comment. Yes, maybe we were all trees... lovely thought that!! ~
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Thanks, Catressa...love your new name, girl!! ~
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Nicolette, I love the way that the tree in the beginning speaks of so many things , you have given it the strength that flows into another living being ( which it is anyway) and then given it and it's strength to that thing called love everlasting. Being a treelover myself , I found this extraordinary , and on a personal note, it makes my heart sing to read that others look at a tree the same way as I do...it is so much more , ( it is a proud and strong part of the Universe) and I just wish that all could see what it really is , ( a symbol of life) . I wish you the very best of luck in this contest,
Reenie
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That was great!! Beautiful, and touching...good on you!!
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what a beautiful and interesting poem, it gives me such an screne feeling, the way the words go together. Intersting poem and it makes me feel compleatly at ease keep up the great work
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Purty
Aw golly well ain't that a lucky indervidual, so loverly compared to a tree and such. I dig the idea of the tree as a cathedral of patience. Hell, it makes sense and I just like the line. The "drawing up" makes that mechanical act of xylem/phloem sound downright nice. Well done. -
Sweet serenity weaved in the music of your words. You poem is like the freshest inhalation of love I've read in a long, long time. Worthy of its great inspiration, Neruda. Perhaps you were a tree, once in another life, who learned of love's infinity as it reached its ancient arms to the sky. What a wonderful gift you have with words.
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Ah if only others felt this way Nicolette.. Love I mean. You have captured the quiet essence of love (Eh Quiet ha Ironic)in the same gentle manner with which I know you... With your whole heart.. Beautiful hon, Take Care
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Wow, if I was in love then this would be an exremely good poem. But, I"m not so it's going to get an excellent mark. I could feel what you were trying to convey to the reader. I shall read more of your poems because this was nicely done.
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Thanks, Thistle for your kind words! ~
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Thank you, Oisin...and I am lucky to have you visit my pages! ~
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Very nicely worded. The piece makes it easy for even the attention span challenged reader to grab phrases that are quite meaningful. Wonderful sentiment and emotion in words, out of the ordinary, but clear enough to express your message.
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So very lucky.
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Thank you, Diana for your very kind words, my friend
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The way you start with a simple statement and then describe so many feelings and sights that the tree brings you is amazing, Nicolette, but I think it describes you and your poetry. Like always, there is so much emotion and love in this poem. It's very nice to read.
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Thank you, Helen for your lovely comment, my friend . I hope to catch up on some reading tonight - much love! ~
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Thank you, Leander! It is always so wonderful to read your comments...wow, the way you lift and cheer me, is just wonderful!! Glad you "forced" yourself to click this morning
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A beautiful poem to remind me why I log on to here.You have filled me with hope and joy.Your words are so full of elegance and passion.The write reflects what we all desire in life.Bravo my friend Helen
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a cathedral of patience and then my brain went crack I haven't slept alot this night and I'm kind of tired and uhm... not so fast in comprehending today
But I took out my shovel and began digging into this marvellous write
I have to be honest, I noticed already yesterday that you had a new poem on, and though my excitement to read it was veeerrry big, I forced myself not to click it until the morning after - now... and how glad I am that I got a glimpse of the outstanding talent you possess reflected on my tired eyes made me feel 'active' while reading it
And again you've given me something wonderful, I can linger on today
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Thank you, Scion for the blessings of your kind words - take care! ~
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Thank you, Liz - I appreciate your enthusiastic and kind comment! ~
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Thanks, Rae for your kind suggestions - I like it when someone looks a little deeper! Best wishes ~
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Thank you, wbiro for your kind words - always happy when you visited my pages ~
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Thank you, Travis...Neruda always makes me smile too! ~
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Karen you sure are a classy one...thank you for the beauty of your comment, my friend and for seeing so deep into the essence of this poem!! ~
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always nice to see a fresh write from you, Nicolette... beautiful first two lines... and the gentle, artistic lead up to the fine, poetic ending... you've captured the true and everlasting here!
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Starting off, in stanzas one and two, try this:
the tree
reminds me of you...
not only because
it stands there, privately--
a cathedral of patience
of quiet roots and rings
Next...stanzas three and four could be connected like this:
its gentle gaze
filled with hidden fires
and wings, a viewfinder
of circling days and moons
...or the open hands
of its leaves throbbing
with waters that patter,
the wet beginnings of life
...But overall, this write spoke volumes without being too aggressive but instead stayed subtle and soft
Rae -
a really lovely poem. it oozes tranquility, a peaceful sort of bliss I think a person can only feel when loving someone passionately.
and it does conjure up neruda in my mind. that makes me smile.
~travis
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What a beauty in your words which portray both a man and a tree. I love the feel of the words forming in my mouth as I read them: the soft flow of assonance and alliteration forms a rhythm. It pulses softly, patiently and I relate to the last verse--my soul drawn up to converse with the sky. Oh, blue sky! And I like to think the evergreen of soul is love, deliverance. Nicolette, you make me sigh--and I have to breathe through this again. Beautiful
oh, and the vase of flowers! Bachelor buttons! Tenacious and romantic!
Edited on Nov 17, 11:22 p.m. because ''. -
really good poem. 1st: I love the picture, i think that it adds a lot to your poem and it's just darn pretty :-P. And so, 2nd, I like all the metaphors and details that you include in this, it is so fluidic and beautiful - ha, I can't describe it better than that. Awesome poem. You have my full applause and my full blessings, to keep writing this darn good stuff! AH, Cheers!
-Scion -
Susch a great verse for this photo, cannot imagine anything better than this. So serene, easy, and full of deep and solid emotion.
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gorgeous
This is beautiful! I kept thinking "Wow, I really liked that stanza," and then the next one would be just as good, if not better. So keep it up, you have talent, poet!
::LiZ:: -
Thank you, Vlindertjie for the gentle breath of your comment, dear friend
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Thank you, Gina for your lovely comment - always wonderful to read the poetry of your generous heart! ~
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Thank you, Rowan - you are most kind!! ~
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'...its gentle gaze filled with hidden fires and wings, a viewfinder of circling days and moons or the open hands of its leaves throbbing with waters that patter, the wet beginnings of life...' Sighhh...Such magnificence dances between these lines, Nic...such grandeur whispering through the branches of your Heart...This is yet another exquisite penning by the one that defines Love for me...Like Robin, you leave me seeking a poem ~ & a love ~ of my own that only breathes the same air as you...Wonderful, fantastic word paintings, m'Lady of the Infinite Heartbeat... Vlindertjie
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it is the little red flower looking through the window at the tree, being reminded ... lovely piece Nicolette .... wonderful connections between lover, love and nature ... (alexander's art is gorgeous too .... i recognised the flowers in the vessel through the window as the same setup in one of your contests) .... it is always a lovely find when you post >>> GINA
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this poem is filled with such love and emotion its amazing. You had some good comparisons as well. Loved your lead and your conclusion, very strong. Great job..
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damn good
at first i thought, hey this is a neat little rant about hating random things, then i realized these things most likely have a significant personal meaning, im still not entirely sure what this is about, no matter, very good
really good -
This poem is filled with so much love, it makes me ache.
You have an inspiring gift of taking the seemingly ordinary, and
making it extraordinary.
This poem just is so tender, and beautiful.
Simply stunning. -
Thank you, dear Lyrical. You search and then you find the poetry that leaves me sighing too, my friend. Much love
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Nooo, unfortunately Neruda didn't visit here...but I do have 3 of his books (of which one is the 100 Sonnets of Love you gave me for Christmas, sweetheart). Yes, we see each other everywhere. Ek is ook lief vir jou ~ love Nicolette
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Sweet and pure white my dear friend. Yes I do think this is what Neruda meant by poetry is pure white You always leave me sighing and exhaling and in search of my next poem. Lovely lovely penning sweetheart. ~sigh
~Lyrical
Edited on Nov 17, 4:57 p.m. because ''. -
and the sun and moon remind me of you. beautifully written within the inspiration of Neruda Nicolette. are u certain Neruda did not visit SA a while ago ?
there are things now that move and remind us of each in every breath and every step ... Ek is liefste vir jou
~ love steve
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