casualness amongst casualties

The world is going to hell they say
And that’s perfectly okay.
I was sprawled out on the couch watching my plasma TV
As the first mushroom cloud rose in World War III
My wife ran out, frenzied, to the fallout shelter
I grabbed a fistful of Tostitos and watched the radiation melt her
I used the back of my hand to wipe sour cream off my lips,
And thought I heard someone scream, “The apocalypse!!!”
Headlines crawl along the bottom of the television screen
But not in my hunting and fishing magazine.
The terror level has elevated from lemon yellow to hot pink
Such rapid color changes require a stiff drink
Some letter came in the mail about my family being dead
I studied it on the john and scratched my head.
Watched my city burn to the ground as I had a snack
My neighbor with small pox says I’m too laid back
Stocks of explosives are being detonated
My closest friends have all been mutated
Our population’s dwindling, but I don’t really care
For Monday Night Football has gone off the air
And as the White House turns into a smoldering heap
I’ll be nestled in bed, fast asleep.
Asbestos drifts in the air like a toxic flurry
The sidewalks are stained with blood, but I’m not going to worry.
My surviving peers are convinced that I’m senseless and strange
“It’s Armageddon!” they scream. But why should I change?