Snow
To see
the snow
fall down on me,
it lands
so soft
upon my hands.
They melt,
the flakes,
they are not felt,
but cold
they make
my hands so old.
The snow
is deep,
I need to plow
before
it starts
to snow some more.
© Jim T. Henriksen
November 17th, 2005
Author notes
This is my first attempt on writing an Audrielle, though I seem to have failed following the rules... The Audrielle style was created by monimac . The Audrielle is as such:
The first and second line has two syllables (one meter), the third line has four syllables (two meters, both iambic), and it follows the rhyming pattern
a
b
ba
c
d
dc
and so on, all the way to
k
l
lk .
I will try to make a perfect Audrielle next time. 
Written November 17th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Snow White World by Almighty Aphrodite.
450 points, ended February 26, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I cannot say I was privy to this form beforehand...there seem to be several new "self-made" forms around AP these days, some so complex that you have to wonder what it is you're really reading or writing. This one appears to be one of the simpler ones, easy to master in terms of its rhyming scheme (which you have done well, at least from what I can tell). I am not sure I feel much in terms of being enthralled with winter through this poem; I cannot feel any emotion connected within this piece. It could simply be the fault of the chosen format. (shrug) Or, perhaps, the fault lies with me.
Thank you for entering the contest, and best of luck to you.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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Thanks a lot
for reviewing my poem. I do understand that my poem maybe didn't convey the right winter mood, but for me, winter means extra work. Just now it's been snowing continuusly for five days and nights, and in my town, in the very south of Norway, people are not so used to this amount of snow, and as you can guess, it's starting to get pretty chaotic.
If you liked the form I used, monimac's form Audrielle, you could take a look at my second attempt, getting the form right for the first time. Look up my poem "Let Us Prey", but I warn you, it's a vampire poem.
Thanks again for the comment, I appreciate it a lot!
Jim
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Hi, WolfHeart! Form poetry has always intrigued me, and as long as I can wrap my head around it, I will attempt to write one of my own. This one I failed though, as it does not follow the rules of "Audrielle" poems. If you want a perfect example, look up the poem Let Us Prey (Audrielle). I have also made my own style, called "Monchielle". I have a column To Write A Monchielle, with a link to a collection of other Monchielles, by myself and others. Thanks for the comment, and the applause! The image is nice, but just one found on Google.
Jim
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excellent
I have such problems with form. I have brain damage and words were not taken, thank God, but numbers and that side of the brain went - sometimes I get it right. You surely did in this lovely poem. I love snow, so this was a treat for me. The picture is just enchanting. What a wonderful place this must be. hugs WolfHeart -
Hi, Shahrzad! Well, snow is a wonderful thing, but can also be a terrible thing... Good reason, though! Thanks for the comment! Jim
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I love the snow;so love this poem too.A very good reason,huh?
Shahrzad -
Hi, Marnix! I am so glad you liked this poem, alltough it was an unsuccessfull attempt on writing an Audrielle. Thanks for the comment! Jim
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Hi, Stacy! I will do my best to write a perfect Audrielle next time.
Jim
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Nice Poem
I really like the way you designed the poem and the words. I could almost hear how you said the words.
Looking forwards for the next one mate
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That's ok Jim, we're allowed a few tries before we master a new form (like I know you will, since you already came so close)
Believe me, when I wrote the first one, I had to adjust it a bit
and I'm glad you decided to give it another go
As for the explanation in your author's comment... PURRFECT!!!
I probably should have done that, then there wouldn't have been a misunderstanding
sorry 'bout that! But you definitely add a lot of clarity to it! Bravo 
Looking forward to the next one
Stacy
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Hi, grams! Yeah, the form seemed a little too easy. Now I understand why. I will try again, and this time I will make it perfect. If you go to monimac's page, you can find a column she wrote on writing Audrielles, and there you find an example aswell... Thanks for the wonderful comment! Jim
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Just thought you should take a look at my edited Author's Comment. This might be a better way of explaining the rhyming scheme... Jim
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Hi, Stacy! Thanks for the feedback on this poem. I guess I misunderstood your style, I thought you had mixed, and that when you wrote abba you ment aba, etc. Silly me! I will edit this poem, and take away (Audrielle) from the title. Thanks for the comment, and the applause though! Jim
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crystaldust 17-11-05 22:06
Well, Jim, it was difficult enough the way you did it, but having the the second 'b' rhyme with the first before the line ends is cripplingly difficult. Definitely not for me. I like your poem a lot because it drifts down like snowflakes. Like the photo too. I hope you'll try the 'correct' form again. I'm sure you'll conquer it. But really I'd like to see Stacy's Aurielle as well. Easier for her, since she created the form, but I'd still like to see an example of her work. Any chance, do you think? Keep well: keep trying. love grams -
well done!
Excellent first attempt Jim! I'm so honoured that you wrote this, and so soon too I really didn't expect it soo quickly
However, I'd be damned if I didn't point this out (although it is your very first attempt) The ryme scheme is not quite accurate. It's actually a abba cddc effe... kllk rhyme scheme, although its being done in 3 lines. For eg, in the abba the second syllable in the third line would produce the second b:
We rise
to flee
from free disguise
That's just a practical example, so rise and guise form the aa rhymes, while flee and free form the bb... hence the abba (rise-flee-free-guise) I hope that clarifies it somewhat.
Other than that though, everything else was on point, and this was a truy valiant attempt! But as you said it's only your first, I'm sure the next will be purrfect
Best wishes to you always,
Stacy
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Hi, sis! Thanks from the very bottom of my heart, for your awesome comment, and heartwarming standing ovatino and applause. Yes, Monchi is my muse. I found this new style easy, and this poem just flowed from my pen. Hugs to you and your husband! Jim
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Simply Fantastic!!!
Jim, A fantastic write in this new form. Your talent for form poetry is simply amazing. I love how you can pick right up on something. You must have one heck of an inspirational muse, oh yeah!!!!!!! Monchi, my sis-in-law. I don't know if I will get to this one too quickly but, I am always up for a challenge. Keep up your great work bro!!!! You know you get my applause here along with a standing ovation. Excellent work and I love the background. Love and blessings for you and the family, today and always. Joyce
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Hi, Linda!
Me? Spending a lot of time on this? No, I guess the muse just whispered in my ear what to write. Thanks for the comment, sis! Jim
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great!
Jim..evidently you spent a lot of time on the formed poetry.. your kinda good at this not!! great lol.. go go for it.. to time consuming for me.. great job..Linda
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Hi, Lencio! Thanks, I tried to do my best with monimac's new style. Not perfect, I know, but a good first attempt. You should definately try this style, it's not that difficult. Thanks for the comment, and the applause! Jim
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I understand this is a difficult form, and I also see that you have done a good job of it. You think I should try this? Nooooo...it's too difficult! It will take me ages to come up with an Audrielle. But definitely a good form. Love the idea of your words, well worded!
Love and light,
Lencio
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