To the one I love,
My words are not enough.
I wish deep down I could
Somehow tell you what is inside.
But what is inside is deep,
A feeling that, until now,
I knew very little about.
You have shown me things
That others only told me of,
And have made me feel like air.
This spell you have cast on me
Is one I cannot break,
And really I do not wish to,
For the witch who cast this spell
Has smiled upon us.
I wish I could tell you
All the things that I feel,
Every thought that crosses my mind
Each time I see you walk through the door,
Your eyes smiling at me as you say hello.
This, I feel it, my heart...
It swells in my chest,
Threatening to burst through,
And this feeling is nothing short
Of amazing to me now.
I tell you all the time
That I love and adore you,
But it feels not enough,
It feels like so much more.
Crude are my ideas and words
Penned to you right now,
But know, my love,
These words are the truest,
As is my heart.
Author notes
I had a general idea of what I wanted to write here, but it didn't come out how I wanted. Oh well. Hope you enjoy anyway!
Written November 16th, 2005
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1 - 9 of 9
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Sis, you are welcome to any backgrounds I use, no worries!
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Someone who writes as beautifully as you will always think they could have done better. Your work is so breathtaking to me, and I somehow go to some higher plain after reading your work. It's incredibly beautiful and peaceful. Wonderful! Hugs, Patricia ♥
Um, I stole your background. Let me know if I have to give it back.
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Well, I know it didn't come out as planned, and it was a bit inconsistent but over all, it was a good write, as a letter. I do agree with Annalise, it may work better chopped up more but it's your write and you do what you want to. Great job!
Much love
Jess -
Annalise: Thank you! I appreciate the feedback, I honestly do. I was considering breaking it up a little bit, and fixing some areas with discrepencies in them. Not sure if I will edit this specific piece or try again from scratch. It didn't really come out the way I had planned at all. But I am very grateful for the help!
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awww... This is so sweet!!!! You did a great job on this one!!! Ireally enjoyed it!!! Keep up the good work!!!
Hugs,
Beth
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that should have been grrRRRRRRRRrrrrreat
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this greeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt in tony the frosties tiger sense of the word, i love poems about love and that makes me go all gooey and icky keep it up
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Okay, here goes...
Of course I like the feeling you are portraying in this. As a recent "falling in love'er, I am finding myself drawn to writes that say what I am feeling. And this does, very well.
Now, onto the write. I'm going to give a few suggestions. Which don't mean I didn't enjoy the read, please don't think that. But I do think that perhaps cutting this down into choppy stanzas would work a bit better. An example...
"To the one I love,
.........My words are not enough.
I wish
deep down I
..could Somehow tell you
.......what is inside.
But what is inside is
deep,
A feeling that, until now
....I knew very little about.
You have shown me things
..That others
........only told me of,
And have made me feel like air.
This spell you
have cast on me
Is one I cannot
.................break,
And really I do not wish to;
For the witch who cast this spell
Has smiled upon us."...etc. etc.
Which, of course, is just my style of doing things. Doesn't mean that you have to adopt it, or change this write up any. Just helping you brainstorm. The wording in this is alright, I was just thinking that perhaps you might want to incorporate some breathlessness to it, for the feeling has a breathtaking quality to it. Which, istead of changing the wording, it could be done by changing the format a bit. Just a suggestion, of course. As is, I still think this is a good write, and does get across the feeling/message you want.
Hope that you aren't upset, sometimes I hate giving my advice, as sometimes it isn't taken as constructive. eh What can one do? Nor, by the way, do I think that you should reformat this exactly as I did (it is off the top of my head, of course).
Bestest of wishes and other mushy, gushy stuff
~Meli~
P.S. I'm not sure if the comment section actually allows for spacing...which is why I included the dots. They aren't meant to be there, but I think I tried once, and it didn't work. If you would like an example of what I'm talking about, IM me.
Edited on Nov 17 because 'not enough dots :/'. -
Beautiful
I think this poem was carefully done with so much emotion, I really like it. It was a beatiful write. Congrats to you. You potray such love & emotion. I throughly enjoyed reading it.
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