Far up in the heavens
Above the brightest star
She looks for dreams and rainbows...
Don't tell her where they are
For if she realizes
They stood so closely by
She'll hang her head in sorrow
And lay her down to die
In the deepest caverns
She searches for the light
Yet cannot see the beacon
That stands so clear in sight
If she asks you kindly...
Don't tell her where it is
Her eyes didn't see the love
That shined in those of his
Far across the ocean
O'er the savage sea
In quest of love eternal
If she should ask of me
If she should ever wonder....
Don't tell her where I am
For she can look forever now
And I don't give a damn
Author notes
Option 3
A contest entry
- ~*(~*~(~*~PRE WRITES OK!!!!!(~*~(~*~(SOMETHING SAD.....HEART TUGGING.....SOMETHING FULL OF FEELING.....NOTHING GROSS PLEASE!!! NO GORE THATS NOT SAD!!!! by xxlisajazminexx.
425 points, ended October 1, 2007, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - We're All About The Love... by hey charlie.
700 points, ended August 22, 2008, 37 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unrequired: Unrequited love by Tefnut.
525 points, ended July 15, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Love Story With A Twist by Venus25.
425 points, ended September 16, 2008, 21 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To spurn a love lost by ogre1971.
650 points, ended August 11, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme,Lyrics, Prose, Dirty Pretty. by Antebellum.
800 points, ended September 24, 290 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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Good
Well done, and thanks for entering and good luck!
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Amazing!
I'm guessing you know I like this! Lol
I agree with Smiling, the rhythm and rhyme flow just nicely here, not forced in any way! I love the way you write so beautifully about this love you have all the way through and then... bang!! Out pops the witty "screw you"! I am left wondering if you really mean that or if it a defense technique. Either way it's pure brilliance! The layout really favours this also!
Remarkable!!
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The rhythm and rhyme here are exquisite, and that last stanza was simply cunning. This really reminds me of one of my favorite songs, "Over the Hills and Far Away," by Gary Moore, only from the perspective of the husband scorned by his wife and best friend. Good luck to you in the contest!
Brit
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Wow, this is wonderful. Best of luck in the contest, I see I'll have a run for my money
^_^
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A simple poem that brings a lump to the throat, lovely. Keep writing poet and good luck in the contest. Val
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Wow incredible, I really enjoyed reading this and I loved the last bit it was quite a turn around.
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Very deep and beautiful. Enjoying to read, and different from the concept. Well done and good luck in the contest. ^^
Not like you'll really need it -
I so did not expect the ending here. This was well written with good flow but so very sad. thanks for entering and good luck.
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I love how you just leave some lines out in the open, it makes your write so much more powerful. I was looking for a poem that actually used the last option and (finally) I found this one. Really lovely write. It's beautiful and twisted in all the right ways.
You're definitely a finalist.
Thanks for entering!
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Oh, oh my gosh. My eyes teared at this. I think this was absolutely amazing and in every way captured the exact thing I was going for in this contest.
Thank you so much for writing this.
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Excellent Writing
First raised me right up to the heavens; in the end, crashing back down to earth. Love the style, the rhyme.
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this is an amazing piece of poetry,
yet so very sad, i can feel the
emotion in this piece, very
heart tugging, can make one cry.
Great job...
loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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If she should ever wonder....
Don't tell her where I am
For she can look forever now
And I don't give a damn
Brilliant is an understatement!
Never ♥
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Intriguing. Very emotional an d tempting. The words are beautiful - as are the comparisons in words.
Nicely penned.
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beautiful and not to mention sad..............
nice job and written very well........
flowed lovely and with a wonderful rhyme to it..... not everyone can do that... you did it perfectly!
thank you so much for entering such a wonderful piece into my contest!!!!!!
good luck and much love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
Wow. I love this poem. It's really full of emotion and you did a wonderful job. Thank you soo much for entering my contest.
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i loved this one to. Not trying to brag or anything but you should read my Thank you friends one and all. this kinda reminded me of that.
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This is beautiful, and sad.. I'm with glassangel .. frankly, my dear You DO give a damn
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its sad how much you express that you do care with that line...maybe this is you trying to convince yourself, talk yourself out of feelings?
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very well written
I like this one. You have told such a sad story of a person not knowing that the love she yearns for is right in her own backyard. So sad. I have been victim to just the opposite dilema. LOL......Such is life..as the french say. I really enjoyed reading this one. Very nice rhythm and aura surrounding the words.
etherealforu
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Whoa...I love this. Sorry to repeat what others have said but the best word for this is haunting, hauntingly beautiful and dark. The way the poem talked to me is amazing...I love the 'Don't tell her...' parts. Now that -is- the perfect example of repetition used for good....I mean used well, used for great effect! Did I mention that I love this?
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I like this peice. It really made me think and I like that. It is a lot like what love really is. Thanks, and keep up the great writes.
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excellent
this poem lingers in the mind, it's like the fellow abouve me said, it's haunting. It's beautiful, sorrowful, emotional appeal, to one who you love, and have been scorned by, weather she died and denied your love or she is liveing and denies your love, the way that you talk about it in this poem is lasting. This is a masterpeice. Thank you sir for right with such emotion and sharing with us. Please keep writing,
yours,
Ly. -
excellent nice nice job here, This is a very beautiful and wonderful poem, one of this best I have read all week that was posted in the feature section. I totally agree with all the comments before mine, this is truly a excellent poem. The imagery was strong and very vivid and the flow was smooth from start to finish. I love the emotion put into this piece it really lets the readers mind just kinda wonder and set up the scene in there mind. Excellent job
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For she can look forever now
And I don't give a damn
...i totally understand this .....Heather -
i really liked this, it had a very nice flow to it, and it had a very important meaning to it, very great write!
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This is really cool it reminded me of a fairytale rhyme.
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Yeah, this is great. I really like this. Youy got me witthe title but then.. I don't know what to say. This poem is brilliant. The flow and everything is just perfect. The content though is also quite incredible. That's so good. It feels like that place where we all wanna be able to stand some times and say "you had your chance". I really like this. "If she should ever wonder" that's my favorite line. I like the way u brought it down first with dreams and rainbows, and then with the beacon of light and on until it's you. I'm taken by this, i really am. And the ending, that was such and nice one. Kinda gets her "right there". Amazing write my friend, very, very good job. Au Revoir
- The Common Saint -
Beautiful
This poem is so dark and sad which makes GB a satisfied girl! -
this is awesome! i love the rhyme and style. great poem to promote
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This very,Well there are only two words to describe this wonderful poem....Unique and original...It's very haunting and I was drawn in at the first 2 sentences...
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Beautiful. I REALLY liked this a lot!!!! What a unique little masterpiece; an aching, lovely plea. I know this feeling quite well...such sorrow, dear poet! I think we two are very much alike, both denying that we give a damn, haha, when here we are writing poetry about the very ideas we claim not to care about. This writing communicates hurt and anger. I hope you find peace soon, my friend. EXCELLENT write! No wonder you are on my list of favorites!
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