frosty
in a wild land
a sleepy bear
Author notes
haiku 
Written November 16th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
that is about summing up how i feel right now lol frosty cos it i so cold here, i am shivering, and tired cos i have just got out of bed and bear cos i am naked lol joking i am all wrapped up too cold to be wearing nothing
-
I can't write haikus...I have tried and failed miserably. I am pretty much awful at anything with structure. Granddad Hugh has been trying to teach me and it's not working.
I like this one, though, even if I can't write them.
Elisa -
What did you say? You are in the woods sleeping bare? That would be a mite chilly in these parts. Here have an applause.
-
It's been quite a while since I stumbled upon a haiku from you mommer but as you also did, and still have the hands of it, you've painted a perfectly and even detailed picture upon my eyes
After reading Yems comment, I'm also questioning how on earth a bearburger would taste
-
Dear Aziram,.
After my first flush of intense admiration for your haiku had cooled a little (due more to the frosty nature of that wild land than the snores of the sleeping bear) my immediate reaction was "how different her agile, fertile and imaginative mind is from Yemassee's." Then I see from his comment that he, himself, acknowledges this difference which shows a hitherto unsuspected depth of perception that leaves me awestruck.
I am also wondering whether his meronym for you may be "bear bum" in view of your carefully chosen background. Knowing his reserved, retiring nature, I guess we'll never know.
Your haiku has great imagery without using too many words but I think I would have written:
~~~
frosty bear
wild in a
sleepy land
~~~
This would achieve the same effect but with a more rounded 3/3/3 and therefor economically symmetrical syllable count.
However, this is not to undermine my sincere admiration for the adroit way you have emulated the snoring of the bear with your undulating 2/4/4 syllables even though it makes your haiku longer than mine.
Hearty applause, love and hugs, XXX El Padre.
Edited on Nov 17, 1:57 because 'Lost my grass skirt again!'. -
nice work...
-
One summer I worked in a provincial park, not exactly wild, but as close as most people get to it. The bears ate everything they could find all summer. I didn't stick around in the fall, I had an education to continue, but the bears become quite rounded, but never flabby.
Your haiku has great images, or maybe makes me remember the frosty days and imagine being such a sleepy bear.
-
This brought back memories of my trip to N. Carolina. We found a bear sleeping in the branches of a tree. I don't think he was cold though because it was summer. I enjoyed your words. Good luck in the contest. Patti
-
Perfect subject to write a haiku-nicely done!! best wishes in the contest!~vj
-
yawn! oh, sorry. not the poem, the idea of a long ~ very long ~ nap is really appealing to me right now. Its half past November and I am just about ready. Love the poem. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
-
Ok, you just made me shiver twice, and for different reasons. First, the bear is scary and second, the cold is scarier. I've tried haiku and they never have that oomph that they need to be good. I guess I'm just a long winded so and so.
Madam, this is quite good. It makes it's point and is certainly graphic enough for the reader, giving off the allusions you indtended.
Look at that bear! I wonder if bear tastes good? I'd like one bearburger please? Yes, with everything!
Actually the word that probably makes this thing go is the word, "wild." I mean a tame bear wouldn't exactly frighten us...and the cold, well, we could wear layered clothing. So there you have it, the word "wild" is the most important word in the poem. At least until you add the word, Bearburger. Then that refocuses your poem and I don't think you want you fgo there...though I do.
Kidding aside, it quite good, and shows me how your mind works differently from mine.
-
A great haiku..thank you for entering.
sam
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
7 old applause
