She stares at her choice of weapons,
Two tiny wisps of black lace.
She applies her war paint carefully,
Until it doesn't appear to be on her face.
A mist of musk on her body.
Forty dollars, that was well spent.
For there is nothing that attracts her prey,
Like a well placed sexy scent.
Then she slips on her armor,
Fitted snug, covering the rest.
Who would have thought that armor,
Would become a short black dress.
Now, black hose and garter belt,
Weapons made to just amuse.
The sharpest weapon she carries,
Is her four inch high heel shoes.
All you gentlemen be wary,
You wolves that pretend to howl,
Every male on the street be forewarned,
The Huntress Dianna is on the prowl.
Author notes
Written November 18th, 2001
A contest entry
- Cheer me up! by Tenchi 7786.
300 points, ended October 1, 2004, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Yeah, I like it! Thanks for suggesting it! I intend to take a look at some of your other writes, but later because right now I have to go. But Thanks again! Best wishes. Take care.
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Good job. The metaphores were very well thought out. thanks for entering.
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Unbelievably awesome!!! leave it be... do not change it accept for the spelling maybe... but the content is amazing...
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Delynne thank you for the spelling tips..I an the worlds worse. I cannot find away to do away with the word armor as that was what I was discussing at the time...What was it you liked about this poem again..or did I miss that?
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I’m sure you meant “wisps” in the second line of the first stanza? Or is this a hybrid S/M of silk and whips? The need to be cautious of over-use of pronouns and articles in a poem cannot be overrated. You should strongly consider reworking this and deleting both where they are unnecessary and extraneous.
Typos… typos…. typos…. again the second line of the second stanza, I feel rather confident you meant “forty”???
Third stanza needs significant work. Look to other usage of words rather than repeat the theme of “armor.” It is overworked and overdone. Also, you would be well served by the deletion of prepositions scattered throughout this work. Bring it up tighter.
Fourth stanza, second line, split infinitive, which I do not believe to be poetic license, should be corrected.
Overall, the meter and cadence could be tightened by omitting many of the articles, prepositions and pronouns. The rhyme feels forced in places and should be reworked with an eye to trite wording. -
aaaaaalrighty then!! Not bad, not bad at all...kinda warped though....not that I mind...
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Go get'em girl...I like this side of your poetry :-)
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Very entertaining, been through the process many times myself... but i do love wearing those heels :-) Thanks for sharing, good poem!
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