I’m 12 years old and holding
my baby cousin tight
Dreaming of future babies
with my “someday” shining knight.
I’m 15 and I’m holding
a new born baby boy
I dream of how I’ll someday love
my own sweet “pride and joy”
I’m 20 and I’m holding
my lovely baby niece
I dream that she is mine
with a longing that won’t cease
I’m 28 and holding
my nephew by the car.
Still dreaming of my children
I wonder where they are
I’m 32 and holding
my best friends new born son
dreaming God’s forgiven me
for whatever I have done.
I’m 38 and holding
the grandchild of a friend
I dream about the years I’ve lost
my broken heart won’t mend
I’m 39 and holding
another endless shot
I’m dreaming, this time it will work
I dream this way a lot
I’m 40 and I’m holding
my husband as I cry
I’m dreaming that we still have time
and the odd was can defy
I’m 41 and holding
another round of drugs
dreaming of tiny hands and feet
and fervent little hugs
I’m 42 and cradling
my womb beneath my palm
My dreams are swiftly fading that
I’ll ever be a mom
Patricia Gibson-Williams
November 16, 2005
Author notes
Well I wrote a new one after all.
This is the first draft and I haven't have time to check for typos and other mistakes so if you see any please let me know. Patti
Written November 16th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- New Addition by Enchanted Soul.
300 points, ended November 27, 2005, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Joe and I have considered adoption or foster care, but we are not what they consider "financially stable." Joe is medically retired due to an infection he got in his back after a routine surgery, almost 2 ago. On top of that he’s had 2 hip replacements in the last year. I don’t earn enough to do more then keep us afloat, especially with all the medical bills for his surgeries and my infertility treatments. (Our insurance doesn’t cover infertility treatments, not event he most basic ones.) Our only hope for adoption is a private one, and frankly if I was choosing parents for my child there are plenty who are able to offer just as much love and have much more then we do. If we win our lawsuit against the doctor who spent 6 weeks telling us that their was nothing wrong with Joe’s back, instead of treating the infection then we will have some options. Of course in Texas you can only get $250,000 for pain and suffering and whatever your actual losses were, and you can’t sue for attorney’s fees so most of the pain and suffering stuff will go for those, so we don’t expect much. Who ever thought that $250,000 was a lot for pain and suffering has never expected to (or watched someone they love) suffer from pain and depression for years, knowing that the pain is likely to last the rest of their lives. Take your age and assume you’ll live to be 75 and divide that pain check up into that many pieces. The stupid thing is that if the doctor had been driving down the street and accidentally hit Joe with his car there is no cap on pain and suffering. While as a doctor who’s supposed to know what he’s doing he could ignore warning signs and their patient complaining of increasing pain (calling every other day) and other signs of infection, while he treated Joe like a drug addict and told him he just needed to wean himself off the pain medication (all without a single test and after Joe felt better for the first few days) and the doctor get the assurance that he can’t be sued for more then a certain amount. Kind of stupid isn’t it? Who ever thought up that law (and voted for it) needs to hope they never get a bad doctor. I’m sorry for venting, whenever someone suggests adoption or foster care I get on my soap box. I know the government has a tax break for adoption, but it’s still very expensive. At my age my best hope would be to use donor eggs and do IVF, but that costs about $18,000 ($11,000 using my own eggs) and right now we can’t afford to try it. We were planning to try it almost 2 years ago and we had the money set aside, but when Joe the infection that money went to pay bills instead. So I guess you could say I’m even more bitter because that malpractice likely cost us our chance to have a (biological) child of our own. If you read all this thank you for listening. Patti.
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Very Nice. You know... I never realized when I had my child at 15 years old, that some people can't have children. If I knew I couldn't raise my child with the help of my own family... I would've given my child up for adoption (I don't believe in Abortion)... I hope that maybe one day you'll look into adapting a child... I know it's not the same as having your own. I am sorry about not being able to have a child. I am a leader in preventing teen pregnancy prevention, just incase you thought I was crazy. I didn't intend to have a child at 15 years old. Never did I. Take care, & Good luck!Nicole
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Wow this was wonderful, I love how you went through the ages and feelings of each year. I love the ending... its so sad.. but perfect... I only see one mistake right now and that is in
"and the odd was can defy"
I think you meant 'and the odds we can defy.' ?
Other than that beautiful write, glad to have read it, sad to have felt it...
~THank you for entering my contest~
~Amber -
Wow, this is really nicely written. I really don't usually like rhyming poetry but this one worked so well, nothing felt forced and you can feel the emotions coming from the poem. I really feel for you. Good luck in the contest, I really wouldn't mind losing to this piece!
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This is incredible, Patti. You certainly have a way of choosing just the right words! Thanks for sharing this piece, and good luck in the contest!
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Patti,
This is painful to read. Why are so many babies born into unthinkable circumstances, and yet people who would make wonderful parents are left without?
Your style here drew me in. I liked the way you moved through time from 12 to 42, showing us your lifelong dream and dissapointment.
Sarah -
how wonderfully written, and so poignant, such pain and sorrow comes through, its wonderful how you have taken us through your lifetime of waiting,dreaming, hoping, i am so sorry for your pain, huggss
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Very good
Such a heartfelt poem. A very clever use of the ages emphasising the passing of time and the increasing despair. All the yearnings of motherhood are there and the clear insight of what it might be to have a child. You visualise the children you might have had..."Still dreaming of my children
I wonder where they are" and the ending is poignant.."I’m 42 and cradling
my womb beneath my palm
My dreams are swiftly fading that
I’ll ever be a mom"
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This is so incredibly sad. I'm so scared that one day when I am ready to have children that I will not be able to. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. But keep your head up, have faith and keep praying...
XoXo
NiKKi
<3
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Exelent
Omg. you have stunned me! this is powerfull! I feel so much reading this. I myself have lost 2 children and it hurts more then I can imagine. I myslef am hopefull that one day i'll be able to have children. I know how this feels. Its heartbraking. this piece is close to me, personal and very powerfull. You derserve to be praized. And I hope that your dreams come true. Have faith. One word.. Perfect. ((Hugs))
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