Ripples from unseen waves
Sorrow penetrating
Deeper than a cut could ever be
Sharper
With more malice
More hate, just as much love
Reasoning becomes questions
Feeling
As that steely blade
Rips perfect skin
Plunges into its softness
Harsh touch to something so pure
So loving
Tears stream endlessly
Hoping someone will catch them
Hold up your face
Stroke them away
Staunch the bloodied tide
But you're alone
No one to see you die
Author notes
ok this is really out on a limb here, can't even begin to relate myself....how did i do?oh and im really sorry for anyone who thinks its really insensitive or dissing them in any way cos they've been in that situation and i did it sooo badly you got offended.....critical comments welcomed!!!!
Written November 15th, 2005
A contest entry
- lover's suicide by Trueloveneverdies.
300 points, ended November 30, 2005, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Very intense write, my friend! Very very intense!
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I know, pink...we all have duality to our natures...we all have Light & Shadow...it's good that you know how to separate them...it does make a difference...& I've been venting for 33 years...
No holes in my walls or broken china...it helps a lot, actually...
Wanda
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its the only place people ever see it!!!i dont want you to be under the impression i am severely depressed!!!its just how i write, and how i vent...
thanks for the comment!!!
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This is an intense piece, filled with the acute pain of despair...we are all so much more than the agony we feel...I tell people quite often that happiness & sadness are fleeting moments in our lives...if we strive for contentment, it will serve us well; this I know from experience...However, it isn't easy being a human being, let alone a Poet...the lives we lead are profound & emotional...This penning holds great imagery, raw & easy to identify with...well done...Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with us...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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hehe really?
tis one for the gloomier days...
i suppose im just paranoid then!!!
xxx -
I don't think it could be construed as insensitive in any way! If anything you gave the subject a poetic, lyrical, tragic beauty. I like this a lot, especially as I am in a dark and gloomy mood today ^.^
The ending made me shiver xxx
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aww you silly girlie you!!!!your poetry is fabulous, dont be so down on it!!!we have completely different styles so you defo shouldnt compare us on it!!!glad you liked it!!!
hehehe ragie, like it
Pinky
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx -
thanks!!yeah true, i just didnt want people who mightve felt like that to think oh my god what does she know bout it lalalala...
but im glad you liked it!!! -
Loved It
You know what? The only thing that makes me mad is that no matter how hard i try, i can NEVER match up to your poetry's greatness, awesomeness, etc etc. lovely Write i must say. I know what you mean about the tone of this poem. But i really do like it! Very well written i must say. Talk to you later love!
ragie
...haha i said ragie -
omgosh....yeah...i really like this one two. you are so great. you shouldnt ever think about that stuff. you did a great job and if you really really believe something is true but might offend, dont worry about it. truth hurts, ppl will get over it. you did yet again another wonderful job. i wouldnt think it sould offend anyone. onuvwa, i dont really know what im saying right now so yeah...toodles!
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1 - 10 of 10
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