Past the realms and the crystallised rings of the infra red
The Doppler shift, akathisia motions and the murmurings, of all said
Past the eager, wet saline ferryman and into the regions of the dead
Into the magikal birthplace and land of the fallen and crumpled star
The antithesis of life and compassion, as we have known it, so far
Where the black compression is the death and the death is the living
Where sins are never atoned just petrified and never are forgiving
Past the warning conche bells and trumpets, of the subconscious mind
Into the inner secrets and guardian dragons, that you will certainly, find
Let the fire of their breath, warm the kernel of my imprisoned soul
As the ice of the dark methane giants, slowed me down to a comatose, whole
Where it takes a whole year, for my heart to ignite and beat any life
I wandered aimlessly around my imagined visions of living, love and motivating strife
Lands that have existed since before the beginning of known and recorded time
When man was an embryo that slithered out of the saliva of chemical slime
Was manipulated and genetically changed by Angels, similar to their form
As they fought their battles of duality in heavens that were totally torn
Lands that are impregnated and frozen, in this tight, straight jacket, norm
Where the creations of the myths of beasts and monsters was just an evolution
As the genetics were altered and tumbled towards a more human solution
Watch the crystals of hatred and ice condensed on the silver test chalice
Our hearts are naturally hardened and are sinful and full of malice
Gone was any possible inherited aspect of immortality
As we wrestle and struggle with our own insignificance and mortality
I have trodden about in these earthly fields of learning before, in another form now dead
Past the realms and genomes and frozen rings of the inherited infra red.
Author notes
Written November 15th, 2005. Option 1 , Death. Georges.
A contest entry
- Poems of Death by Faerie.Princess.
300 points, ended September 28, 2006, 54 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Slough of Despond... dark poetry contest by gasolinequeen.
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Honorable mention
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Agrees with below comment, this poem certainly does deserve more than 2 trophies! The imagery here is amazing, you have a wonderfully inspiring grasp of english vocabulary which makes this poem especially pleasurable to read. Thank you for sharing this, and taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck. -
Very nice imagery here, you entered a lot of contest but i think this poem deserves more then a honerable mention and a silver. Very nice write. thank you for entering my contest! Good Luck
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Very strong imagery and a good rhyme. Your speculation is very intriguing and the word choice is vivid. Thank you for enterng this into my contest.
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There is a powerful voice here. And the imagery along with the vocabulary is captivating. And although it is not a short write; it does keep attention focused until the end. I did stumble a bit on the words added to ending lines to make it rhyme such as norm & whole.
And this line "never are forgiving" needs to read forgiven to have the correct tense. I'm sure you will see much recognition for this piece; it shows talent and gives atmosphere. Blue -
wow.. alot of contests. Goodluck.
I like this, the imagery is good.
Nicely penned
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wow
Amzing write. I like how you go back in time..a time we don't know of ..or never really wonder much. This is very descriptive and I love the wording.
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very nicely done best of luck to you in this contest...Scott
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I liked it
different in a good way -
This is very deep and dark
The vocabulary was good, and complex and had great sense of contrast
But the poem didn't really fit the breif and was difficult to read thanks to layout
It was well written
Well done
Good luck
Thanks for entering -
A very deep, dark write..... it has a very heavy feeling over all. Thank you for sharing and entering my contest.
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I... wow .. finalists ... and even if you don't win .. into my favourites you go.
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Good jo
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I think this poem definitely isn’t for the feint hearted and it could just be my mindset tonight but I had to read this poem more than a few times over to glean the full meanings within its lines. I found it to be very heavy going at first but after several attempts it came to feel more like a dark fantasy more than a spiritual poem, but either way, each reader will interpret it individually. The feeling of darkness that exudes from this piece is almost overwhelming and the imagery used to reinforce it is very original. Each and every stanza contains images that are unique, yet compound to build a complete picture in the entire poem, which is cohesive to the work. Some of my favourite lines for this are “Past the warning conche bells and trumpets, of the subconscious mind / Into the inner secrets and guardian dragons, that you will certainly, find.”
I think one of the reasons why I found this poem quite heavy going was because I felt it had a very slow pace. When I read the lines “As the ice of the dark methane giants, slowed me down to a comatose, whole / Where it takes a whole year, for my heart to ignite and beat any life” I felt this backed up my assessment, though other readers may view this differently. I’m not saying a slow reading poem is bad by any means, in fact it could be seen to aid a dark poem such as this one. The rhyme of the lines is perfect which certainly aids its flow.
The vocabulary in this poem is also imaginative and inspiring and I think this is the first poem I’ve read that has a reference to Doppler in it. I was forced to the dictionary to find the meaning of akathisia as it’s a word I’ve never come across before but I think it’s good to learn new things and so long as readers don’t have to use a dictionary for too many words then a poem has appeal for both entertainment as well as education, so all in all I think this poem has been written well but might have a more specialised audience due to its depth of intensity.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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Well done, I liked the metaphors you used. Some very good lines. All in all a great piece, thanks for entering.
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great description...great job and good luck
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This oozes with talent and takes me back to Dante's 'Inferno', and the terrible suffering 'sinners' endure who inhabit that unforgiving land. Glad I don't believe in hell! Yeah I know you're talking about reincarnation.
This is a truly superb write.
Love, light & peace (think you could use some after writing this!!!)
Georgia
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Splendid. I love your choice of words and they create a brilliant sense of imagery... I am fascinated with ancient mythology from various cultures... your description of the river Styx in the opening verse really painted a picture ^_^ thank you so much for entering, and best of talent in the contest!
As for the comment of the girl under me- I don't mean to be rude but I believe age has little to do with comprehension... just because you are young does not necessarily mean you don't have a broad vocabulary... oh well... maybe I'm just being nosy. I tend to do that. Sorry. >.<
lol :] -
ok im really sorry but this poem was a little over the top for me. it went right over my head. im young and i didnt know half the words...soz.
Thankyou For Entering -
F'ING AMAZING!
Awesome Writer you are Georges I really liked this, you have a gift...your rhyming is perfect and the flow is flawless really!!!Thanks for entering it and the best of luck!*HUGZ*
~Terri Anna~ -
A very awesome poem yet again, but just as a reminder, please put your option in your author comments. Thanks!
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the complexety of simplicity rolls throught this poem. you are so incredably gifted, but are you or have you ever thought of being published.You always insopire me as well as send me into awe qwith your work.
Love ya,
ANgel -
Youve always been an amazing writer and thinker and this just adds to it. Everytime I read your work it makes me just that much more deep. Thank you for sharing yet another beautiful poem.
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this was relly cool but different
>
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mint. truly
As the genetics were altered and tumbled towards a more human solution
cant wait
just bend over and take it then
fuk m
peace -
i like the idea of this poem, but i was rather confused as i read. perhaps this is because the attempts at rhyming got in the way. having four lines of rhyme is very difficult to accomplish, and not necessary. perhaps with more practice you would be able to do this well.
HOWEVER! i loved the last two stanzas, again, the rhyming cause slight problems, but the message was very clear. i loved the ideas in it and you were able to bring it across in a (mostly) comprehensive manner. this is probably the best line in the entire piece:
"When man was an embryo that slithered out of the saliva of chemical slime"
it has wonderful imagery, as does the rest of that stanza. i was very impressed by that line and the later ones.
keep on trying, practice makes perfect =^_^= -
Hi. This is an interesting idea and a well-written poem. You have some lovely imagery within this piece. Thank you for sharing it.
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Hey George, I really like this, it was very sincere. thanks for sharing it, keep up the awsome penning, signed, Childofthenight aka Tim
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i really like it altrhough im not sure of yet waht it means (brain dead) lol
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George, you have to be one deep person to write this. It's wonderful, and i love the way your thoughts are so vague and far apart. Slightly sci-fi towards the end, otherwise great.
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That was interesting. It was actually a little hard to follow because I didn't see the rhythm, but yeah. Good job on a subject that has always facinated me.
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I found this to be a little heavy going, possibly due to the length of the lines and the lack of stanza breaks. Having said that, it was also very deep and compelling. A slightly different angle on creationism which was interesting.
I really enjoyed it once a girded my loins enough to give it a chance. Thank you for sharing it! -
George, I have to admit this was failry intense to read, mentally I mean. I thought from near the begiining you were going along maybe test tube babies," infra red The Doppler shift " and "the magikal birthplace " I got confused after that because I believe you took rightfully so (for lack of a better term) a cosmic approach I guess. This was an interesting write. but I did get lost in a couple places. I am glad you cleared up most of that with your author's note. image and visions
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wow nice piece! This piece was so deep, both powerful and emotional. I really liked how you were very descrptive throughout this piece. Intresting piece with alot of words throughout your piece. I found this piece both soothing and intresting, I shall stop by sometime soon to read your work
Best of regards,
~ Steph ~
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