i drew a lovely picture
of someone i couldn't be,
i tried to think of how wonderful
if that pretty girl was me!
i sit here as an artist
drawing pictures of what is fake,
when all the while i know
this is for my own sake.
i drew a lovely picture
of someone happy as can be,
dreaming of how great it would feel
if this happy girl was me!
i sit there in the corner
images in my mind,
drawing all the pictures
to find the life i misplaced behind.
i drew a lovely picture
of someone that is free,
from all the suffering and pain
i know i can never be.
i lay down on the floor
my pictures torn to shreds,
the girl that i could never be
is wishing i were dead!
i drew a lovely picture
of someone no one will be,
skin and bones is all she is
i want that girl to be me!
i lay down in a coffin
all my pain has gone,
thinking if what i did was right
or what i did was wrong.
i drew a lovely picture
of someone that I'd be
but when i cut my pictures up
i did the same to me.
Author notes
♥ Lynn
Written November 1st, 2004
A contest entry
- Options! Prewrites allowed! Rhyme only! by .
300 points, ended June 23, 2006, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I've been there far to many times to count
only I couldn't put it into words nearly as well -
real. genuine. this is very thought provoking. overall this seems to really fit your overall muse very tightly. everything about this seems very true. real. i love poetry that really makes me think!!!!
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I love this.. it's beautiful, i just dont know what to say.
I love it.
<33Tiffany -
I love this, its tragically beautiful..you have a wonderful talent with words. Thanks for sharing, I look forward to more from you.
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This is freakin awesome!!!! Fantastic visuals. I really love these lines "... i sit there in the corner
images in my mind,
drawing all the pictures
to find the life i misplaced behind...
i drew a lovely picture
of someone that I'd be
but when i cut my pictures up
i did the same to me."
I'm sorry it took me a few days to leave a comment for you. This is really great. Keep writing.
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Deep
Deep and truly beckoning. Makes the reader want to go inside deeper and find the pains and trials you've been through to bring you to this point. My prayer is that you will continue to write with the same kind of passion but you will find a way to ease your struggles -
You did a great job with this poem! I know its about suicide, but damn girl, it rhymes wonderfully and it doesn't seem forced at all!
i drew a lovely picture
of someone that I'd be
but when i cut my pictures up
i did the same to me.
This is my favorite stanza, just because it is something anyone and everyone can relate to, that is, those who have been in these situations before. It says to me that you pretended to be someone else, and when you decided to 'destroy' that persona, you destroyed everything you were.
I feel a deeper meaning in your words, and that in a poem is a wonderful attribute. Thank you for sharing!!!! -
good
Shit, have I been there!!
I have been a cutter for 5 years
I have been to rehab 2 times for my eating disorders
But I am a health 120 now. no worries
trus me that is now who you want to be
that skinny girl,
she isn't happy either
that happy girl
she is jsut a fake too
you are and i am at a an age where everyone is depressed
none of us are really happy
trust me
I am Bi-sexual, right
Every day when I go to school I get tease
The only reason THey tease me is cuz the are scared to admit that they feel that way to
People should really open there eyes
Well anyways about the piece
You did a wonderful job on expressing yourself
This is a great poem
THe way you set up the stanzas is very fitting
Well toodallooo
XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOX
ALie aka Otep Saint -
This is trippy!!! Like it is something out of a real dark eerie movie or something. A really good write, very imaginative. Very dark. It kind gave me the willies. I'm not much into dark poetry but I appreciate it in it's own right. I hope you don't really feel that way though, it would be such a waste of your great talent. I liked it, it just left me feeling a little strange. Gotta go find a happier poem to read now before I go to bed. Keep writing you have great abilities.
Love & Light
Twinstar
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It isn't hard to self destruct. Introspection leads to immolation because we never allow ourselves to measure up. You capture all that rather well. Your piece reminds me of "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde. We do ourselves in by creating situations where we can't win.
Your poetic styling is excellent. The repetitive verse shifted slightly every time it was used in a way that really enhanced and managed the flow of the poem. Overall I am very impressed. LoveTom B. -
Damn the picture says what the poem is saying in tears and darkness and when the mascara hits the floor you have to wonder
Whats on the other side of the door, Could this be a fatal
Blow to the soul that we can't see or is this just a tital
Of artistic misery...Very powerful and emotionaly riveting.. -
awesome
I love it! All those great things the artist could never be. The best lines for me were:
"the girl that i could never be
is wishing i were dead!"
The last stanza is brilliant too. The only thing that didn't flow right in my head was, "to find the life i misplaced behind." Misplaced could be replaced with lost or mislaid, in my opinion.
Other than that the words work well together.
Edited on Sep 29, 10:10 p.m. because ''. -
Oh wow. I totally love this. Bookmarked. Love it.
Haunting and sad, but the image is just AMAZING. I can really identify with these, with the past I've had with depression... (Not anymore, but I KNOW the feeling) I love that you captured it so well.
It's like it was written just for me, even though you had no clue I existed until you read this.
Anyway, applauded, book-marked, possibly favorited.
Keep it up, you've got a good thing going with this poetry thing ^^ -
This is very good. I love the way you expressed this. The best part was how you took your thoughts of how you wanted yourself to be, and used the metaphor of a picture. I loved that. You are very good. It was kind of a sad peice, but sometimes those are the best, because you can really feel the emotions put into it. Writing is one of the best and most healthy ways of expressing your pain, and getting passed it, keep it up.
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it seems like a lymeric yet it's depressed. such a weird combination.... and i'm not entirelly sure if it works or not.
but i do like this... especially the part
"but when i cut my pictures up
i did the same to me."
great job
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crazy little girl,you are already a pretty picture,just need to take another look.
sad as your words are,your muse serves you well.
almost like turning my eyes inside out to read my own thoughts. -
This is beautiful and most definately haunting. It has a beutiful eerie quality to it that isn't easily replicated. I love it. Can I bookmark it? thank a millions for writing this. Its beautiful and very very emotional??? is that the right word? It easy to relate to. There. thats better. Keep it up.
Until later,
Songstress
If you ever need to talk to anyone, please feel free to IM me. -
awwww, this is a truly sad piece... but i like how you put" i drew a lovely picture" in every other verse. and how everytime it got more sad, i felt the emotion, and it deeply got to me. this is beatiful and i wanted to thank you for sharing this with all of us on allpoetry!
god bless and have a wonderful weekend!
<3 rachelle -
this poem is awesome, very very sad, awful that you feel that way, but a very good poem, keep up the awesome work
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i dont get it .. where the hells a picture.. lol jp
u cud ima gine it.. great write.. claps* awesome aweosme -
i fixed it up a little! hope it looks better
thanks for your imput
♥ Lynn -
This is brilliant! It expresses so much! It is very sad and emotive, and I can relate in some parts... Well done Thankyou for entering and good luck...
Take care...
~Ash~
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wow...that is beautiful... with punctuation fixes it would be lovely i love how its a little story this poem reminds me a little of some of my poetry..
~Madi~ -
WoW... I love this. It's amazing. I love the idea of drawing the perfect picture of yourself, it's very clever. I can really relate to this poem as well. Thank you for entering, and Good luck!!
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This is really beautiful but extremely, extremely sad. I really hope it's not true because I think that what you describe here is a really hard thing to deal with and get over. However, I will say that this poem is very well set up and it's very powerful. I loved reading it!
Good write. Keep it up.<3 -
this is so sad, it is awfull for you to feel this way and i really wish things were better.
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