I pour a fresh cup of coffee.
It always smells so much better
than it tastes.
He stirs in two sugars and
flicks cigarette ashes into
an empty tuna can.
He used to bring me daisies.
I would wear them in my hair,
and pose nude
for charcoal sketches.
We would lie in the dark watching
old movies; Bogie and Bacall,
sailing to Paradise
on white cotton sheets.
He’s only worn a tuxedo
twice in his life,
once for his brother’s wedding,
and once for ours.
Sixteen years have gone so fast- it’s
the seasons that pass slowly.
Winter white seems so far away as
we watch crows search
for a place to roost among
silhouetted birch trees.
He crushes out his cigarette and I wonder,
when did his hair become more salt than pepper?
Author notes
Danna Hobart
Written November 14th, 2005
A contest entry
- Love by Mrs-Gollihue.
600 points, ended August 25, 2007, 48 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me See Again. by Blueisacolour.
500 points, ended October 2, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 4 topics to choose from. by Blondita.
1100 points, ended October 8, 2007, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This title can't be blank; neither can moments by sca.
777 points, ended October 30, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My First Contest by OldBear34.
450 points, ended October 7, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Marriage-Wreck by Perfect Insanity.
850 points, ended November 17, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What's Love Got To Do With It? by 2lullabyhaven.
700 points, ended March 2, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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He stirs in two sugars and
flicks cigarette ashes into
an empty tuna can.
thats my fav part ^^^^
there was amazing imagery in this poem. its as if i could close my eyes and be in the scene described.
this is a beautiful write! good luck in my contest.
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Growing old together...so much to be said about it...thanks for your entry and good luck in my contest lots of love.
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Filled with implications. This is a very raw piece. I loved the fact that you used everyday things to show how much has changed within your marriage.
I must say I loved the format you used. The way you broke things down made great impacts on the reader on certain parts. The beginning and the ending lines are absolutely perfect. At once the perfect beginning and the perfect end.
You do have some contrasting ideas in this piece, which I truly enjoyed. The title can goes very well with this poem. You seem to yearn the memories and the past, but you do it in such an indifferent way.. if that makes any sense.. lol. Anyways, a very descriptive piece. I truly enjoyed it. Good luck! ♥ -
I loved this poem. It was endearing. It included details that made it sound very individualized, such as the cigarette in the tuna can. Anyway, I enjoyed.
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A Moving Tale of Lasting Love
I love the last line! It so sweetly ummarizes many years together and all its seasonal pleasures as they grow together.
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Perfect tone for the content, the images, and the cadence of the piece. It moves gracefully through a sequence of images that communicate all that needs be said. A beautiful piece.
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Clearly insightful- lovely
There are days when everything sort of becomes black and white the clarity can be disconcerting. Time passes so quickly and in a blur of colour... I found this poem to be both interesting and moving, with imagery that was very clear and contrasting- very (dare I say it?) black and white.
Nicely done.
Thank you for the entry. -
This was suppose to be gold. I am sorry. I hit the button before switching the order.
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The same thing happened to me with one of my contests! No worries. Thanks for letting me know.
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I love this.
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This is raw, this is pure, there isn't any hideing behind words or metaphores. It's straight forward, in your face a dazed thought a vauge expression. Very unique, thanks for entering.
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a very nice read about 16 years of marriage , when i started to read about drinking a cup of coffee and lighting up a cigarette it kind of sounded like myself , very emotional , lots of ups and downs here , thanks for sharing i can tell that it came straight from your heart
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Very nice ...
Hard to see how you could improve on this. I'm not really all that enamoured of free verse, but you've pulled this one off very well.
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this shows so perfectly well what can happen in a marriage after living and loving with each other for years. It's not all downs, but you start to think about what has gone down during the years. I love that this wasn't depressed, but merely someone observing. Love it!
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Wonderful flow and spacing, and background too. Everything adds up to make this fantastic and beautiful. Best of luck in the contest
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I can definately relate to the ideas and emotions running through this piece, though this is a far more hopeful and caring viewpoint than is usually put across when considering this subject.
I like the spaciousness of the form you have used, gives a good impression of observation that there may be other thoughts hanging, unmentioned.
Good write and congrats on silver.
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I love the soft intimacy of this poem and all the things that made this life real. Yes, that is what I love about this poem... the way the familiar was weaved into this, the authenticity of voice here, the importance of the little things... Simply beautiful poetry.
~ Nicolette
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I'd like to say that I could relate, and yet I'm blatently too young.
Maybe it's that the words are so real, the poem is to me a future mirror/reflection of my experiences now. Where it is the routine, habits and current situation would go on, pass, end or be reflected on.
I don't know if that made any sense, but I loved the poem .
(I think another two spaces indentation before each of the lines touching the picture running down the left hand side might make the poem sit a little better on the page... but beyond that no criticism).
=> Jess
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Ah, married life. Your capture the everyday routine, the small kindness, the wistfulness for earlier passion, the trace of time, the lasting affection.
The way life is. Great write!
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Loved it.
This immediately evoked a deep sense of tranquility. It oozes closeness, warmth, tenderness, sensuality, contentment and acceptance. It movingly demonstrates the obvious affection shared (to me as reader anyway). It identifies the journey, the growth, the unavoidable changes that time enforces ( eg. the reference to his hair at the end ). I love this. It's intimate, reflective and quite poignant in its way. Thanks for entering :-)
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Ooh, this one if real pretty.
The delicate wording and simplicity just gets to me. I'm guessing it's the first prompt, but write the prompt in your author's notes anyway. =)
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Wow. This is really neat - forward but with very delicate word choices. Especially the ending.
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I loved this piece! Kind of silly at the end but I really liked that last line:
He crushes out his cigarette and I wonder,
when did his hair become more salt than pepper?
This was great and good luck! -
Wonderful!
I really enjoyed this poem. I like the way you looked at both sides of things. Once as if he were looking at it, and then again from your perspective. I also really enjoyed the way this one ended. I want to thank you for joining my contest and I wish you the best of luck.
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Love as in most things in our lives is lived mainly in black and white, but I feelthat the grey areas of our lives contain the most lessons as well as knowledge and blessings, not to mention the trials!
Well done! Thanks for entering and best wishes,
Frogz~ -
We do tend to live in love in the black or the white
and so often never see the gray, I liked how this poem gave the feel of that and in the end having the foresight to see the grey.. And not really knowing where it came from,
Thanks for sharing
warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
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I am so glad you understood what I was going for in the ending.
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This is really sweet.
I enjoyed reading it and I like your choice of background.
Great job.
Thanks for entering.
Best of Luck. -
Very Good
I very much like the brief story to the work and the feel of the words.
Love the ending, Rick -
i love this poem, it's so descriptive and visual. Well done, an excellent piece! I loved it!
Kiran -
Thank you.
I just read your post in the Carver group. I still have to read Goodman Brown. I so should not be in here
Edited on Mar 02, 10:34 p.m. because ''. -
Oh, I loved this one Danna.
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Amazing.
This is amazing. You convey the ideas of "young love" so well. We lose ourselves in it, and you gave that to me to look at. Your word choices and your spacing were wonderful. I also relate because of what is going on in my life right now. I love how personal you made it.
Thank you for writing that. -
Time is an oddball (at least, I always thought so). I liked how this was really at the heart of it just a simple poem about lasting love. It did have images that the reader has to work to sort out or envision; this was any one of our lives, any one of our experiences. And I could relate to it all the more. This, as it stands, needs no revising in my eyes. Wonderfully written.
~Jessica -
I think this is a wonderful piece, it suggests a yearning for the past but also a comfort in knowing that it is the past, and having it forever as a memory. The interplay between fast and slow throughout is superb, the slow routine of the morning placed beside the seemingly fast speed his hair has turned grey. And the line "Sixteen years have gone so fast- /it’s
the seasons that pass slowly." sums up this interplay beautifully. -
Absolutely fantastic.
John -
one word.. YUM!!
LOLOLOLOLL
the words, the background, all of it encompasses the essence of a love that binds.. and the fact we don't seem to notice how we age.. because we still feel 18 and flighty and flirtatious..
lovely piece hun
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This is lovely and a well deserved win. Congratulations!
~Lyrical
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I love the imagery in this and the attention to the little details. I also loved the way you ended the poem. The way you described time and memory was perfect.
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love it...pure poetry
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Thanks very much for your kind words.
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This is a really great piece of work. Someone recommended you, and I was not displeased. Of course, then again, I think I'm partial to the story telling style of poem. And you certainly seem to have that down pat here. You really did well, to keep the playing of visuals, like a boomarang, of white and black images, even as you lined out a reflective thought and moment. That takes some doing. I'm actually rather impressed. The line that I really took to, in this, was:
~~it always smells so much better
than it tastes. ~~
That really caught me. I suppose, because I've thought the same thing to myself before, and I had to laugh. A really nice piece of work. -
Oh girl! You got some wild talent going on in here! I'm just loving it! This is so cool. You tell a whole story, playing back and forth on that black and white. That's just too good! And it was all smooth and silk, your wording, I mean. I'd say to wish you best in the contest, but hell, if it were mine, I'd say you won! What wonderful work!
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very simple but very nice. lots of emotion and meaning. precious came to mind as well. altogether nicely penned. good luck in the contest. enjoyed. was worth the read.
blu -
Good work.
Nifty poem, very romantic. It isn't cliche in the slightest either. Well-composed, and a bit obscure in writing style. I positively enjoyed this poem for it's orginality. It easily conveyed the emotions that were to be conveyed without tying the reader down with lengthy or difficult sentances. Simple, percise, and obvious.
I hope that love is so simple, percise and obvious in your real life. That's the kind of thing most people wish for.
Good work, and keep writing. -
I really loved that. I can't really sum up everything I felt when I read it. It's just...perfect.
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I love it!!! It is great! The scenery went before my eyes and it was all black and white. I love black and white photos and I love this black and white poem... Did you win??
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This poem created a very vivid picture in my mind. Beautifully written and beautifully illustrated. Great job!
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beautiful
totaly agree with wispering foot. It's such an obvious thing, but it shows how time flies -
I was wondering, have you read any of danielle steels book? because this sounds alot like her work, exept in poetry form. especialy the salt and pepper part, i've read it in all of her books i'v read, but not those same words. this is an amazing poem your a fantastic writer. good luck in the contest.
Akane -
I like reflective poems about the seemingly ordinary, they have a great depth
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this is a great poem that i enfoyed. good luck on the contest
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wow this was a brilliant write, and i agree you certainly painted a vivid picture in my imagination. this is completely realistic.
beautiful
tasha -
Thanks, Al.
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The image you saw is pretty accurate! Thanks for commenting.
PS, I'm a Valley Girl too
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I like this, it painted a picture for me of a couple sitting there at a kitchen table. Him reading the paper or something and the woman probably staring out the window, wondering where the time has flown and wishing that her husband would just hold her. Excellent write. I find its hard to paint pictures for some readers. Keep up the great work and thanks for sharing it with us
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Wonderful -Al
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Well, I once sent a girl a box of manure on her wedding day, but I don't think that will work in this instance
Thanks again for the nice comment. -
Oh, this is good! For me, there was a sense of color washing out into black and white. How, in the moment, everything is bathed in color, but then the moments consigned to memory, take on the quality of snapshots in black and white. The form for me was a little bit of a struggle, but the words...well, they overpowered that.
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Wonderful
Wonderful! A few words but I have a whole movie running in my head.
Thank You. -
This was a great poem about growing together. Reflecting on the past can sometimes be a good thing. You've just got to find the right memories to look back upon. Great write!
~Jessica~ -
loved it!!!!!!!!!!!
i really liked this. I loved the way it was written and how it flowed. i liked the last lin, brought a little humor to the situation. but anyways i thought you did a beautiful job and i wish you all the luck in the contest!!!!
~*Cammy*~ -
Written well.
This is a lovely poem about relationships and you came up with a truly personal piece here. There is a lot to like in this prosy poem. -
nice imagry. well written, has a story. good!
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great
Danna. I think you did an exceptional job with this entire write. I mean everything from the background, to nearly every line had a black and white compasions. In my opinion this was really in keeping with the contest requirements. If the others are half this good it would be a difficult contest to judge and I'll read others in this contest too. really great write here. -
fabity fab fab
geez. that was soo good. God everybody here is fantastic -
This was a very cute poem. ^_^ I liked the last line...It made me giggle a bit.
♥♥ -
this is wonderful i love the black and white then the growing old together, love the last line:
I look at him sometimes and wonder...
when did his hair become more salt than pepper?
life has this terrible habit of creeping up on us we are all so busy that we dont see it and days dont last forever anymore like they did when we were kids! well done on this i think its really an amazing write xx good luck in the contest as well Cheryl
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Thanks so much.
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Atmospheric
A poem fitting anytime during the last 80 years but might match best to the late 50's early 60's. For me, black and white (and shades of grey)captures the essence of eras...like I think you have in this piece. Very nice work! Thanks -
You got the status right.
Nostalgia does come with melonchaly, but it is a comforting sort of ache, at least it is for me.
Thanks for reading.
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I like the black and white imagery -and the reminiscences of your love. Coincidentally, my ex had the same name as your partner (apologies if I got the status mucked up), although it did stir up somem bits of sadness, thank your for bringing such surges of nostalgia about love. Good luck in the contest!
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Thanks so much for your encouraging comments.
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oh everythign in this page also goes well with the poem, i now realise as i thought along time ago, when something flows from the heart everything else just flows into the right shape of perfection
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i'd like to know how do you do it, you make me crave for love and all the good and bad that comes with it your poetry manifests that you really have something good going on with you husband and i pray and truly hope it stays that way, and if i'm lucky enough i hope to find love as true as yours
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This was interesting, I couldn't tell if I was supposed to like him or not. First you talk about making him a cup of coffee, that seems fairly ok, then suddenly you say he used to bring you daisies, indicating that he doesn't anymore, so then I thought that love was fading, that theme went on for a couple more lines, then it seemed to change again, and the ending leaves me wondering. Anyway, I liked the black and white imagery, and the form was interesting and helped it flow.
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Thanks, Joyce.
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Thank you, I am glad you caught the significance of the iamgery.
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Fine
That black & white imagery contest produced some really great stuff. Yours is the second that uses the birch tree image. I enjoyed the different ways you introduced blacks and whites without using the words explictly - coffee, sugar, crows, charcoal etc. Nicely done. -
Thank you, Joyce. Glad you stopped by.
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Thank you so much for reading.
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perfect
this is so beautiful! i especially like the line "sailing to Paradise on white cotton sheets," because it goes with the Black and White theme so well..you can imagine the crisp coolness of the sheets against his salt and pepper hair. well done.
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Thank you, Mona.
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wow
love so beautiful
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Thank you!
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Thank you for reading, and for the wonderful comment.
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truly is one of the best I have read entered in the contest so far Danna. the contest theme intrigued me, so I read a few earlier tonight. you carried each of those images beautifully and the reader could only see black and white!
Jo -
Thanks so much for your kind comment.
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Oh I could relate to this so well... even down to the hair color. I've been married a lot longer though sigh. Beautifully writen and I love that background too.
Red -
Thank you, Danna...My Bogie ~ Don ~ passed away in December 2003...I joined AP 6 months later...I used to tell him he could roll in mud & mold & still look good... & yes...our Time was very precious...I first met him when I was 16...we met up again when I was 32 & lived together for the next 14 years...Life is far more brief & wondrous than we ever really know...He used to do an imitation of Peter Lorre doing Ray Charles... What a goof...
I'll miss him until I see him again, one fine day...Thanks again for entering such a great piece...It obviously touched a chord in me...Be well, Poet... Wanda
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You are too kind.
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Thank you for your kind words.
Yes, it's not fair how men look even better with a little gray mixed in their hair.
I don't know what happened to your Bogie, but it sounds like your time together was very precious. -
oh my jeez this poem is amazing...all of the "black and whites" are brilliantly placed in it and that guy is hot too...lol fabulous write...good luck in the contest-not that its needed
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Some wonderful lines in this poem - time does seem to fly by and all of a sudden we reallize that our life is nearly half over - memories bring back past times, and we think what's yet ahead. Good write - great photo too.
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Wow, Danna! This is really good! It's so good, I'm gonna promote it! ('Nuff said.) - oce
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i just love this, and it has such a black and white feel to it which you emphasise with the Bogie Bacall reference, i think this has such power in its subtleties, extremely well done, i really enjoyed it, thank you so much for sharing your talent
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really a very good poem and entry based on the contest theme. you kept the black-and-white images very much in the reader's eye throughout this poem and I very much enjoyed the read. Good luck in the contest and of the few that I've read from it, this is definiately one of the best!
Jo -
'...Winter white seems so far away as we watch crows search
for a place to roost among silhouetted birch trees...' This is a beautifully descriptive piece, Danna...I love your imagery in these lines, especially...I (almost) envy your time together...I only had 14 years with my 'Bogie'...his hair was more pepper than salt...but even more beautiful than before...Sighhh...Thank you for entering this wonderful penning...Good luck in the contest... Wanda
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Thank you for your suggestions. I am going to use them both. I appreciate the help.
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