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Personal War

My heart feels like it's lost a friend
My minds denying the news
I feel as though I've failed at life
Even though I've paid my dues
He took away a part of me
So precious as life itself
Locked me up and lost the key
And placed me on a shelf
For many years I endured this life
Believing that this was fate
Never knowing that what was planned
Involved a true soul mate
Two brand new souls did come of this
Not all was lost in woe
These two souls we'll share for life
Though our bond will never grow
My children's love, the only thing
You didn't destroy in me
You'll never know just what you did
That's why it can never be
So now I've finally found some one
That loves me for whats inside
He doesn't care just how I look
He doesn't make me hide
Forgiving you for what you did
Will come in time I'm sure
Then I'll put an end to this
I call our Personal War

Author notes

dedicated to my x husband
Written November 14th, 2005

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Jade Rain
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    Personal War, a well chosen title. Your crushing fall and hopeful rising created a pleasant aroma in my room, thank you very much for sharing.

    Unfortunally, as this selection has already placed in multiple contest I have to remind you that this goes against my requirements.

    However, I'm glad I had a chance to read this and add a little hope to my day.. I hope that one day I'll be as lucky as you and will find someone I can truly be happy with.


  • fake-or-real-smile
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    Optin you chose is needed in your A/N.

    It DOES say I'll DQ you if you don't do this but I'm feeling nice.

    Message me when it's done with the title of your poem and I'll comment again.


  • Swintha
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the concepts behind the poem and the subtly you have applied to you piece. It was a deep piece and therefore deserves applaude! The only suggest I could make would be to use puncuation rather than continuous prose as sometimes it becomes difficult to judge the rhythm to the poem. Regardless I enjoyed this piece alot. And I am only commenting the poems that made it to my finalists list, so congratulations. Good luck.

    -Swintha


  • just a voice
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Dang! I absoultly love the way this is written. It has great rymeing and flows amazing as well. Great job and good luck in the contest.


  • ExpectingMommy18
    October 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i am so sorry for all of your pain.
    im am glad you entered this before the contest was over too because it was great.

    but because the contest is over it really dont matter that you didnt put the option in the authors notes.
    you did an amzing job with this peice and im am soo glad you entered!!


  • dutch2lips gold member
    June 22, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    I am envious of you
    a beautiful write!

  • Eulb kcalB
    May 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    very emotional write
    people often times hurt us without a single spark of remorse
    i don't know why this is , it's truly sad though
    it's harder when the person who is supposed to love and protect you promise you the moon and stars a hands you crap instead
    i just can't understand this at all

    like this piece very much, keep up the good work!
    blessings to you
    jamila yadira


  • Scotlass
    January 18, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    BRAVO!!!! What a terrible thing it is to have someone try to turn you into a lesser person - and with children involved this must have been horrendous for you. However I am so pleased that you have found true love now and wish you all the best in the future - stay strong and stay beautiful.

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