Welcome To The New Life Funeral Parlor,
a place to say farewell
to the ones who have left you behind
Here at The New Life Funeral Parlor we strive
to help you say goodbye
while you drink Moxie and unwind
The New Life Funeral Parlor is by far the best
because we use Moxie,
our clients to embalm and preserve
The New Life Funeral Parlor will,
with Moxie’s help of course,
give that dead body new vim, vigor and verve
Put your loved ones in the hands
of Moxie and The New Life Funeral Parlor
They’ll thank you for it in the end
New Life Funeral Parlor
established 1884
We grew up with Moxie
Dee Garner
© November 13, 2005
Author notes
Written November 13th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- A Moxie Contest by -BlackKnight-.
400 points, ended November 14, 2005, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Hood Winked!!
Got a smile here my father used to work for an undertaker once he retired and he had a few funny stories to tell. So Moxie is the way to go mmmmm must remember this for future The one thing in life we can all be certain of is death.. now if we can all go out happy on Moxie. Nicely penned.
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November 13, 2005
No idea what was going on back then, obviously some cataclysmic event but what ever it was I wholeheartedly apologize for never having read this poem. This may have been the time I had this odd flu, I think so because of the contest. I was sick for like a week or more and I've always felt guilty that I could not comment and show the right amount of Yemish humor for that contest as I would have liked. But that still is not excuse. But enough of that, I am remedying the omission now.
Moxie would not only re-invigorate it might indeed reanimate and bring the dead back to life! If indeed such a funeral parlor existed I would become an mortician as soon as possible, but of course would get fired for drinking the embalming fluid.
Oh, and I found the poem during a site search for Maine poems and poets, or maybe it was poems about Moxie, I forget now.
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We can now refer to you as 'the late Yemassee'... very appropriate for the contest poem
The contest was fun, I do remember that and I'm glad you finally found this silly poem. I think I had a different background, though. I've been noticing a lot of changed backgrounds on my poetry since Kevin's last big upgrade. Maybe I'll try to find a more appropriate one.
anyhow... thanks for the read and the comment... better late than never
Dee
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Lmao.
What were you thinking,
lmao.
this was too funny.
way to honor dead people.
lol.
..Simply Me♥ -
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I just checked the contest and it was actually a contest promoting Moxie, not funeral parlors... oh well, Moxie is to die for so I was close
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This was an entry in a group contest, to write an advertisement for a funeral parlor if I remember correctly. The group is a fun one and I had fun writing this silly thing... but I drank up all the Moxie while I was writng so they punished me by not letting me win...lol
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great...love it..:D :D :D
great tongue in cheek ditty about funerals...One thing about it..only 2 things are sure things they say....death and taxes...so sooner or later we'll all need a funeral parlor...
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Thanks for the read and comment, hoodoolover
From what Yemessee has led us to believe, Moxie is indeed a real beverage. I've never come across it anywhere but I think it's a Maine thing ...whatever, it certainly seems a remarkable thing.
Dee
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Lol, this is a great ad, I have not had the pleasure of ever trying Moxie, I have heard of it though, or maybe that is just the personality trait; it was a drink wasn't it? Great job and highly entertaining!
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thx for the commment
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Humoor for an (em)balmy night !!
Where do I sign up?
Have me looking like I did twenty years ago?
I'd be happy if they could get me looking like I did ten minutes ago!LOL
Great story! Good for what ails you!
Regards...................John
Edited on May 10, 3:18 because 'sp'. -
Outstanding
This poem is such great fun
I am not the only one
Who likes to joke re. funerals
They, themselves, should be great fun!
allpoetry.com/Poem/1563911
--Ellis -
ok am I an idiot because I don't know what moxie is??? I have my ideas of course, but Dee, you're so prim and proper!
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nooooo wayyyyyyyy
I am being cremated Just read that King Tut was exhumed and given an MRI. I want to rest in Peace furthermore....should they ever check me post humously with an MRI , the entire science and medical community would be left aghast......."how did she function with so few brain cells?" This is too funny Dee....Moxie....the wave of the Future, eternal preservation...HELPPPPPPP
z
reenie
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Thanks, Star of the night for reading and commenting on this. It's for a funny contest, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. You'd like some of the other entries, too, I'm sure.. they're all funny
Dee
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Thank you, Shahrzad.... I appreciate the read and the comment....even though this is just a silly entry to a contest. Since you enjoyed my poem, I bet you'd really get a laugh out of soem of the other entries to this contest....they're so funny
Dee
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Great poem catz, I really liked it, I hope to hear much more great poetry from you, nice one
best wishes as always
Star Of The Night
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A nice poem.Looking forward to reading more from you. Shahrzad
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well I don't know if I should laugh or cry.. but it was well written thats for sure .. so I will let it at that.. thanks for sharing, Linda
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That's a good one. Ever watch FAMILY PLOTS? Oh man I think that's a hoot and a cry. Good one!
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ROFLMAO! OMG! I am so busting out laughing right now! This is outstanding, Dee! (still giggling...)
How very clever, and witty. Oooohhhh...my sides hurt...! LOVE the first stanza, "...for the ones that left you (us) behind..." A brilliant beginning that sets us to laughing right from the start! (still chuckling, and probably will be all day!...) "...They'll thank you for it in the end..." Oh no...here come the gafaws again... Thanks so much for sharing the laughter, Dee! This is delightfully wonderful! BRAVA!!!
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Dear Dee,
Does the New Life Funeral Parlour do Democrats? Or only Republicans? And is there any discount for Senior Citizens?
I hear that the Cairo branch of NLFP had to close when the US embargo on supplies of MOXIE to Egypt took effect. True?
There is also a rumour that a suicide belt full of MOXIE failed to detonate outside the US Embassy and there were no causualties. NLFP is understood to be suing Al Quaida for loss-of-turnover.
Good luck in the contest, applause./
Love and hugs, XXX Hugh. -
The stuff better be able to preserve people better than Egyptian mumification could--rumor has it they used an ancient form of Moxie, though it was unrefined and, as a result, tended to melt some faces off, among other things.
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