remembrance day
out-door service
a silent cloud passes
over the face
of all still standing
Andrew Hide
13~11~2005
Author notes
Written November 13th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
The visual here is outstanding. Subtle nuances in poetry are my favorite. I love the capability of this poem to have two different meanings. beautiful.
-
I like it-it shows the tribute and remembrance, it shows everyone standing still for a moment in silence- thinking-great picture, and the cloud- a shadow of sorrow- may be even raindrops/tears- perfect
-
That was very astute of you to notice that Myron.
I had not originally used the word silent inth efirst draft. (thoug this is almost as it was thought, the only additions being silent in L 3 and still in L5). My reason for using 'still' was that the cloud passed within a few seconds of the silence starting, almost as if planned. It was also the prompt for me to use the scene, the cloud and the silence where both part of the day, the problem lied in how to show thje silence and the felt conection. Course in haiku I would have been stuck, but with the allowance in tanka I could manipulate the phrase more to suit the real feelings and scene of the moment.
I hope this helps explain the silent cloud.
Always a gift when you visit my work Myron.
Andrew -
moving
this is a moving poem andrew....
my concern is with your phrase "silent cloud". when i read something with a cloud in it i automatically assume it's silent. it's a given. so i wondering why you have deemed it essential to use this adjective here? i look forward to your reply.
yours in respect,
myron. -
Remembrance Day, I presume, is the same as Veterans' Day in the U.S. (once known as Armistice Day, it now is celebrated in memory of all veterans but originally memorializing the armistice of WWI, at 11 a.m. on 11/11/1918.) Skillful handling of a moment - with those gathered I feel the sobriety of the service, the moment when the cloud passes... The use of the singular face was a beautiful touch ... the oneness of those present. Stu
-
as time goes on, 'still standing' is so poignant and the silent cloud sets the mood beautifully ... for me, 'outdoor service' sets the location >>> GINA
-
I like this moody piece quite a bit. In L2, where exactly are you?.... I'd love to see the location in the poem. For me, everyday I wake up, it is a remembrance day.... for all my friends that were drafted along with me for Vietnam. Most didn't return.
Good write Andrew.... I always appreciate your craftsmanship. -
Quiet in its simplicity with an exloquesnce speaking volumes to all. Beauty held within the remembrance of those both living and deceased. What a wonderful tribute, dear. I feel much the same.
rose
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
4 old applause
