as soon as the case is opened, so is a whole other world.
as soon as the bow touches the strings,all the pain goes away.
as soon as the sound rises into the air,i become entranced by the spell.
as soon as I move my fingers, a song jumps from the instrument.
as soon as the case is closed, I'm mediocre' once again.
Author notes
Help out the ameture!!! lol.....constructive criticism welcomed
Written November 12th, 2005
A contest entry
- Tell me why your poem is good. by -Lost Words-.
500 points, ended February 12, 2006, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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you did not tell me why it is good.
start with that, please. -
Thank you for entering my contest. This is a very good poem. There are a couple of changes I would make if it were my poem. First, I would delete "as soon" from each line. It adds nothing and only detracts from the flow. Secondly, I would split the lines at the commas and not use the punctuation. And lastly, I would capitalize the first word of each line. Those are just my personal preferences, but I think it adds to the way a poem looks. Poetry should not only be pleasing to the ear, but to the eyes as well. The imagery is very good. Keep up the good work.
~Jan -
o wow this is soooo good!!! ok the only problem with this is that you say your "mediocre'" ya right! you are amazing! not just with you violin but your an amazing friend, you get great grades, your a wonderful president, and your beautiful! love ya!
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good
Hey this is really good, I liked it!
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