Once, at midnight hours, I slept hearing the angel’s Choirs;
weariness banished and the entire darkness outdoors…
Whilst securely dreaming in perfect harmony,
in our umbral glades with endless mors
I fancied a welding in the dreaming hours…
While I pondered, Why the meeting delayed;
Why the birds in my dream sung a melody so poor;
I awoke and realized; the dreadful horror:
blank and cold ; in my bed, just odors
and now the angel’s shouts are just scorn…
At the darkest hour, I was alone in my bridal chamber…
from such terrible slumber I walked and the door opened;
with the air thundering like a enraged storm
and hollowness filling my heart; The fear pours…
my steps required strength; qualms stealing my vigor…
The full moon laughed softly, her smile beamed;
dissipating my distress and the traitor feelings;
while you, like angel, the silver gloom embraced
whirling freely and content, unaware of the dark hour…
releasing butterflies of many colors with winged ardor.
Author notes
Written November 12th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- The Raven by TaraK1028.
301 points, ended February 1, 2006, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Even if I would say i keep the rhythm of my poem as well, as I wanted it to be "rocky" I rather not keep argumenting since It sounds like I am trying to force out the trophy from you.
It is enough for to have read it and to have people reading, so thanks
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It is pointless to argue, but the only thing this poem have with Poe is the rhytim and rhyme and certainly not a poem Poe would have written unless you think writing about a dream/nightmare and love is a Poe exclusivity.
The rhythm of The Raven is "rocky" (as i would call dense) and the rhymes are elsewhere just basead on a simple play with "never more". Poe style is not agile in any sense, but dense, exagerate and baroque. -
oh, no. The rythim is the rhyme in this case. I was trying to pull out a Poe - his style was a mix between elaboration and rhymes that gave a very heavy rythm to his poems - like the raven that he once claimed to write just to rhyme with "never more". All but in the last stanza I wanted to be hard to flow quickly because a word was holding you down, by the use of similar words close to each other...a torture, kind of it
(plus I can not touch it anymore, it is no longer mine
)
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Thanks; when I wrote it I tryied to mirror Poe (Not just The Raven)and bring up some of the rhyming althoug using similar expressions to lead somewhere else...but I could almost say Lenore in the end
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"bridal chamber", more burial chamber, the way you feel this for our benefit, a top three poem if ever there was one, and this one showed a little colour. Maybe that is Hope during that loneliness period. Lovely work!
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Make a guess!
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Thanks Massy and What will happen ?
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Afarin
What a night you passed..so romantic..the expression laughter moon was beautiful.I like whole poem.Thank you
A question for you:
Do you what will happen if buds yawn? Bidel Dehlavi has a beautiful idea for
~Massy~
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This is a poem that seems to explore bizzare rythms, for I must agree with Allstar on this on, if it is an odd rythm you sought, then I praise you for your attept on so. Keep writting though.
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3.5/10
Nope sorry, didn't liked it.
Not my style, I think the rhyme and the flow aren't all that.
This is just my opinion, I'm just being honest
Greetzz
Allstar 420 -
wow! so passionate and mysterious, it's superb! good luck in the contest!
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this wa nice good luck in the contest
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