Sitting silent
awaiting penance,
forgive me father
for I have sinned.
As I question
the confessions
in black and white.
Forty strokes does
not a hail Mary make.
I have his love
in lust we trust,
as we are brothers,
but leave my brother
alone.
Let him not know,
the silence of screams
on sleepless nights.
Spare him the Rosary
beads of my disgust.
I get down on my knees
before thee,
your sermon for one
as cold as the touch
on my shoulder.
Thou shalt not kill,
for I am already dead.
Mine eyes filled
with hell's fury,
as are yours
Father.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray dear Lord
his soul to take.
I hope I die
before I wake,
for hell on earth
is your mistake.
Author notes
I hope I fulfilled the requirements of the contest...if the rhyme in the prayer isn't acceptable, I'll understand.
Written November 11th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
Wham, right between the beady little eyes of the freak.
Killer write! Takes no prisnors!
Best of luck.
Peace, Rob
P.S I nearly entered a sonnet prewrite, just for the hell of it. But basiclly, I'm scared of her!
Peace, Rob -
Ooooo... very very very good. I want to print it out and stick it to my wall. So very angry, and extur-remely powerful.
-
very well written
This is sad and very chilling to read. You did an outstanding job with this. The story is clearly told and you use some really powerful statements and play on sayings that we all find familiar. I enjoyed this one.
Wish I had some applause!
etherealforu
-
This is really good, very well written and a great write. I really enjoyed this and you summed it all well at the end. Thanks for sharing this.
-
EXQUISITE JOB!!!!!
WoW!!! This is most certainy a deep piece, and dark... very powerful as well. your write is very unique and original in it's context, and veryw ell written, I applaud you, my hat's off to you!
your friend, Angel
-
i realy loved your poem.very powerful message.
-
ohhhh-- this is a good one!
m -
There is some really good stuff in here. I especially liked the thrid and forth stanzas.
-
Oh! This one is pretty! ^^-^^
I love the soft anguished wickedness of the words, as you weave through the contridictions. Not only of the 'father' but your own. No quarter is asked for, or give. But you do a little role reversal, the one condemnning who, not who, therotically, it should be. Making it, all in all, a very interesting piece to follow through. Very nice. -
Some kind of unique orchestrated piece that you have layered on your canvas! It is done with the overflowing of the emotions...... thanks for shaing.
blessings
ICUlookn -
Actually, I really appreciated the rhyme in that last stanza. (My rules are more guidelines anyway LOL). I hear too many Christians claiming it's the fault of human nature that there is suffering. I'm really quite more comfortable blaming God. I'm not Christian anyway, so it's a safe bet for me. LOL. Loved this write, and I'm so glad you entered!
And you're a damn doll for donated those points
-
written with gutteral wrath
You know how to write agonizingly honest and cut to the bone. Of course the content of this poem is heartwrenching -- and no-one but God can truly understand.
How swift will the release be -- and how sacred our Love. Free, at last.
Myra -
well bro if you're going to hell then i got the first seat in the first row
we're all opinionated about everything and all things thereof so therefore begone all sanity!
Rae -
this is dark but good, some powerful words and images in this write well done and very best of luck in the contest xx Cheryl
-
Wow. Powerful message. Keep up the great writing. I'll be following. See ya.
-
I loved the beginning of this, the angst and frustration in the middle, and the defeat,anger, and resignation at the end!
Well done, and it works well in this form, it flowed flawless for me!
Brilliant.
-
amazing!
WOW! WOW! WOW! one of the best poems I've read! definately in my top 10 of favorites! i loved the wording, phrasing. what was left unsaid told the most...incredible writing...i am excited about reading more of your writing. keep sharing... -
Amazing!
wow, totally awesome write... Great use of the holy words ( ) I really loved this piece from beginning to end, but especially the end. Amazing!
Ostara
-
It is really a very sacred work from the soul , the structure is depicting the depth of the voice of the heart very deeply through and through. The beauty of the write lies in its travel of the subject which is opening the door of the eternity with beautiful poetic words. The flow of the write is very impressive and just to the point too .I really apprecaite this work.
-
wow wicked poem
-
"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray dear Lord
his soul to take.
I hope I die
before I wake,
for hell on earth
is your mistake. "
What a punch to this verse! -
whoa what a poem
-
Wonderfully written piece on the state of the Catholic church. I have to agree with Night Hope. That is a powerful passage, I can feel the rage.
Abby
Edited on Nov 12, 6:34 because ''. -
'...I get down on my knees before thee, your sermon for one as cold as the touch on my shoulder...'
Incredible wrath roaring through this one, Muddy...I may be way off base, but it brought child abuse to my mind, as in a priest molesting an alter boy...sorrowful raging, my Friend...but beautifully penned, as always...Good luck in the contest, Scribe... 
Wanderer
-
"Thou shall not kill for I am already dead"
Wow, powerful punch that one Muddy. This stings of all sorts of things. I feel a lot of pain in this, anger and sadness. Nice one!
~Lyrical
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
16 old applause
