She was brought here on that savage night
four thousand years ago
by a youth who stole her innocence
to the echoed screams of “NO!”
On the moldering ground, he pressed her down
and stole what no man should
The only witness to her shattered tears
the wildlife and woods.
She struggled in the star washed night
his intentions to deter
So valiant was her fierce fight
that the forest dreams of her.
Her essence spilled into the dust
as he slashed her with his blade.
and her cries were captured in the boughs and bark
as her virtue was betrayed.
He left her there like a broken doll
in the spreading patch of mud.
And the leaves upon the grieving trees
Turned scarlet like her blood.
The foliage showered reverence
From the oak and ash and fur
For she struggled still, as her breath ran out
So the forest dreams of her.
The bushes, seeds and flowers
Still remember where she fell
while history erased man
who defiled the sacred dell.
Her flesh and bones were abandoned there
to be scattered by hungry beasts
But her courage soared -- cheating death
as her spirit was released.
There is no vestige; from her body left
no proof this did occur
But the leaves still turn when fall is neigh
and the forest dreams her.
Patricia Gibson-Williams
November 11, 2005
Author notes
Revised 11/12/05
I don't know if this would be breaking the rule about "No deep dark depression" but from the time I first saw this picture this morning, I was haunted by this poem. When that happens I just have to tell the story. I'll understand if you disqualify it, but I wanted to share it with it you.
Written November 11th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Picture This #5 by Samplette.
300 points, ended November 13, 2005, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow..I didn't expect something like this...strong write. Intense and very well done. Thank you for entering the contest.
Sam
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This is terrific, in my opinion. What an imagination. What creativity. I am impressed. Very well written. Shancy.
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No you are not too blunt. I prefer honest comments. I'm seeking to improve my poetry. and I think I'm doing it little by little. It’s much harder to do when not many people will tell you what they didn’t like about your work or even where you made glaring errors in grammar or spelling. (I’m terrible about missing typo’s when I read my own poems, because I know what I meant to type. LOL Than and then are always giving me fits.) Frankly I wanted to write a lighthearted poem about this picture, but somehow this one insisted on being written. Even before your comments, I knew I needed to work more on this poem. I’m not totally satisfied with several places in the poem where I know that I can find a word or words that I hope will give it more power. I love the power of words and I hate it when I know there is a better word to convey my meaning but it eludes me. I have 3 or 4 places in the original copy of this poem in parenthesis, because I knew as I was typing it that it was not the word I want to use in my revised version. I’m also not 100% happy with the meter when it’s read aloud. One of the reasons I went ahead and posted this, first draft, was in the hopes of getting exactly this kind of feedback. I also agree with you on point about the rhyme, but I don’t think that’s something I’ll try to change. However, I may try to write another version of this story, that doesn’t rhyme, just to see what I can do with it. Thank you for your comments. Patti
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i think this works very well as an oral poem or as a lyric for a song.
the subject matter is grave and yet the rhyme within is light & this is the main problem i have with it as a literary poem on the page. i prefer poetry that is evocative - where the nouns and verbs have more power.
thanks for asking me to comment further. i hope my comments are not too blunt.
yours in poetry,
myron. -
Actually Myron - I do welcome critical response; I just forgot to check the box. Your comment sounds ominous, but I don’t just want to hear how my poem was received by those who liked them. (or will say so just because they are too polite to say otherwise.) Please let me know what you thought really thought about this. Thank you. Patti
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beautiful
this called up emotions in me i thought long dead
thank you -
i see that you do not want a citical response to your poem. i think that is a good idea.
thanks for posting this poem.
all the best,
myron.
Edited on Nov 11, 11:17 p.m. because ''. -
I see no darkness only that made by man's ignorance...this is truly beautiful, I had planned on entering, but I don't feel as if I could capture the picture as you have here. Wonderful
Peace Muddy
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