Perhaps
I'd sit next to you
In the quiet autumn air
In my old pair of blue jeans
With the holes in the thighs
And you'd put your hand on my lap
And pick the frayings
Like a nervous alibi
And I'd be praying you'd land
Fingertip to skin
Make music out of wind
From the poems in my eyes
As I'd lean in
Closer to your side
So I could feel you breathe
Hear my heart flutter
Like the falling leaves
And somewhere underneath
I'd tremble in color
And you'd steady my knees
In my old pair of blue jeans
With the holes in the thighs
In the quiet autumn air
Your hand in my lap
-Perhaps
Author notes
Written November 11th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Love Poems by .
300 points, ended January 29, 2006, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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very mellow. had a nice slow meandering thread within it that gently demanded my attention.
very subtly done, wendy. I hesitate to say it could use some cleaning up but I'd have no suggestions and, seeing as it works like it is, I'll just say, bravo!
I'm going to come back to this one later when I'm in a more reading/writing frame of mind because something is niggling at me about it... -
Just Breathtaking
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it's sweet
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Dearest fellow Muze..
Your work is always like a heavy
canvas streaked with something
unknown, untampered. Yet, I wonder
how it is that you can 'flesh out' so
exquisitely. How it is that your poetic personna
squeals with as much soulful ecstasy as
it does metaphysical. So sure, however
sensuous.
Hear my heart flutter
Like the falling leaves
And somewhere underneath
I'd tremble in color Lovely group
of oil paints there.
Then again, I think of the Designer.
"How unexpected are His permissions
to tell
such things and tell them
well."
as from me...
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i love the third stanza ... just gorgeous ... it sets the tone for the whole piece which is so very nicely conceived .... >>> EM
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There is such an innocent, honest beauty to this. It draws me back in time to shy silences, pounding heart & sweating palms.
Your style is so concise and even. A very fitting repeat for the close. Masterful work! -
the beauty of this piece, as simple as breathing
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perhaps
another well-written poem full of longing and hope...i like the neatness of it, with its five cinquains and the way the poem opens and ends with the same hopeful word.
i hope all your dreams come true wendy -
you are the queen of hope...
all the best,
myron.
Edited on Nov 17, 9:19 p.m. because 'speiling miscakes'. -
Mmmm
Very sensuous poem. Some of your poems create a subtle erotic tension that really makes one curious - curious to see you in your holy jeans and read the poems in your eyes and hear your heart flutter like the falling leaves. Beautiful. -
Perhaps, indeed. As someone already said, there's something seductive and sensual about the word perhaps. It also creates a feeling of anticipation. I thought this was very nicely done. I thought it would lead to something sexual but it didn't. It's like you were teasing the reader. Good write.
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Wendy, As always you amaze! I just love the word perhaps, there is something so seductive and sensual about it. Wonderful poem!
Anna -
Very sensual and emotive piece. I loved the imagery and the tentative tone. The anticipation captured is wonderful.
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Wow! This is amazing...this is the third poem in a row that I've read about old blue jeans! I gues it is that time of the year when poeple stopped wearing shorts.
But really...
your poem is is so gentle and sweet, and at the same time sensual. You did a great job on it!
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Wow, an amazing write. I typically do not like free verse, just because it seems like a lot of people do not know what they are doing, but you did very well with this. I especially liked the detail you used, you really took the reader right to the place in your poem, and made it real for them. Great job!
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i love this it is soo much like when i'm with my boyfriend. that is when i'm not mad at him but even then.... sorry getting off subject. this is really good. i could feel it.
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Great daydream! I want to experience this too. My favorite verse was:
And you'd put your hand on my lap
And pick the frayings
Like a nervous alibi
And I'd be praying you'd land
Fingertip to skin
It made my tummy do a little flip flop!
Sarah
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This was completely wonderful...i am floored by this write, it is a book mark to be sure...i felt that i was there, with the head in the lap of my own lover, and your refernces to leaves, and autumn...what a great choice to use this as parallel references...well done! bekah
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beautiful...and the imagery is amazing...almost like i'm there. very good job here.
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Truly...truly...
Again! So beautiful and so poignant. I am always awestruck by your talent. -
Well done
Between perhaps and two and between brackets, many things may happen
and you have sketched some possibilities ... Vaguely clear, Poetess -- a very evocative write.
Myra -
And pick the frayings
Like a nervous alibi
Some people have a way with words, you are one of the best!
This poem is truly "genuine" in what in conveys. -
Superb!
This has that completely natural flow that seems so effortless and yet is so hard to grasp when you reach for it. Superbly crafted! -
this is a really good poem, and i thoroghly injoyed it, keep up the great work
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this is magically delicious
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damn wenders, this
one made my
heart flutter
great great write -
perfection
this is a really beautiful poem and it sticks in my mind and creates a vivid scenery. i love this and now im off to read more of your work! beautiful
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