I can’t explain the emptiness
That’s collapsing in my soul.
How I always dreamed of children
How they make a women whole.
I hear the words keep echoing
The cost is way too high.
It might not work, you’re much too old
Your insurance has denied.
We haven’t got the money
that’s what it’s all about.
Children are only for the rich
I want to scream and shout.
Life isn’t fair, I know this
But how could this be right
I don’t want to breathe
I’ve run out of time to fight.
I see 16 year olds with children
who haven’t got a clue.
And I recall the time and dollars spent
on drugs and treatments we’ve gone through.
And I think about the women
who say they can’t afford to pay
five dollars more for insurance
while their children round them play.
They’d have to give something
if infertility was covered
it’s all about the money
this I have discovered.
They tell me if I can’t afford
to pay ten thousand bucks or more
Then I can’t afford the children
that I’ve been living for.
One women with 5 children
said that nothing would be lost
If I never had a child…
and she can’t afford the cost.
I asked her how she measured
her children with no worth.
I guess she only gave them value
at the time she gave them birth.
I sit here in my barren chair
where my dreams have turned to ash.
Knowing there are treatments out there
but it’s all about the cash.
Patricia Gibson-Williams
November 11, 2005
Author notes
My insurance like most doesn’t cover infertility treatment. It doesn’t matter if you know you need IVF because your tubes are blocked or have been damaged or your husband has very few sperm or any one of a hundred other reasons that it’s almost impossible to get pregnant without that or other lesser treatments. The insurance I have covers drugs which can cost thousands a month and the insurance that I had the option to switch (PPO vs HMO) to would cover IUI and cycle monitoring, which we have been paying between $1,500 and $2,000 dollars a cycle for. The problem is neither covers both and neither covers IVF, so either way the cost is too high for us to keep trying. IVF is about $10,000 dollars a cycle (plus about $5,000 worth of drugs) and that’s really what would give Joe and I the best chance of having a baby. But it might take 2 or 3 cycles or it might fail and if we spend that kind of money on conceiving a child then we have less to spend on raising a child. If there was a guarantee then I’d beg, borrow or steal the money, but there’s not. Besides both of us have medical conditions that are hindering our chances and shouldn’t insurance pay to treat or overcome them. My insurance will pay for sterilization reversals, (so someone who choose not to have more children can get treated) epidurals, Viagra and breast reductions; none of which I would advocate stopping, but why are they worthy of coverage and my condition is not? The worst part is that in states that have mandatory infertility coverage the rise in premium cost has been less then $5.00 a year. Yes - I said a year! Most of the statements I’ve quoted in this poem were taken from a debate I joined about rather infertility coverage should be mandatory. The debate was started on a website for parents and most of the women against coverage had photos of their children plastered all over their statements. When several women who suffer from infertility (including myself) joined the debate, we were given all kinds of reasons why they couldn’t afford to pay a few dollars extra because they need the money to provide for their children. When we pushed the issue, we were told that we shouldn’t be debating an issue that was so important to us, because we couldn’t be objective. The debate ran into over 800 posts, before I realized that some people have no compassion and they’d rather pay for a couple of candy bars, meal at McDonalds, a video game, cigarettes, a manicure, a bottle of wine, cable/satellite TV, a car wash… Most of these would more then cover the cost even if it was 3 or 4 times what the cost shown in other states was. (incase you’re wondering you do already pay extra, because many women who are under going infertility treatments end up taking risks and having problems that are covered, such a multiple births (do you know how much it costs for babies who spends time in the nic unit?) OHSS, or in my case the drugs that are covered cost enough that if my first or second IVF had worked the insurance company would have been ahead, once I get my next prescription filled they could have paid for a 3rd IVF cycle (plus the drugs) and would have at the very least broken even. Frankly I intend to get another prescription filled even if it rots in the fridge and I never use most of it just, because it’s the only thing they will cover and I plan to try a last ditch effort of some kind. I know this was long (both the poem and the comments) but I’m really angry and upset (I was planneing to switch to the HMO today until I found out that they didn’t cover the drugs) about this right now and I so needed to vent. Thank you for giving me the chance. Patti
Written November 11th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Contest: Your Own Lil' Rant by Snackycakes64.
300 points, ended November 11, 2005, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Wow- I'm so sorry for your problem. You did so well in this contest, you will definitely be hard to beat- VERY hard. My mother had six kids (i'm number 5) and we've been practically dirt poor all my life. I'm sorry about your condition, I understand it must be hard, even if I'm only 15 years old.
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