Some people call my poems "wholesome"
And I'm always very proud when they do.
There's enough darkness in this world.
I don't feel the need to contribute, too.
But the light that I have within me
Didn't come from out of nowhere.
It emerged from terrible darkness;
From years of sorrow and despair.
As the saying goes, we can light a candle
Or curse the darkness till the day we die.
In this way, each poem is a candle to me
To help me navigate life, even as I cry.
I have been inside the ugliest prisons
Many times a visitor and once a guest.
I know what that can do to the spirit.
There's a reason it's called an "arrest".
I've walked through horrific crime scenes
Up to my knees in filth, blood and gore.
I've smelled the awful stench of death
Till I couldn't stand it one second more.
I put my hand to a bloodstain on the ground
Where a small child took his final breath
And I prayed to a God I hardly believed in
To hold him close after such a hard death.
I've walked through alleys all over the world.
I've seen things that would turn your hair white.
I've witnessed, up close, the effects of poverty,
Bloodshed, famine, perversion and blight.
I felt a man's blood pump through my fingers
As I tried to stop his life from draining away.
His eyes were full of unanswerable questions
And the "poet" couldn't find one word to say.
I've fought for my life in the world's dirtiest cities
Against evil men who had somehow lost their souls
But I did not become one of them. My soul is intact.
I've paid all my dues and every one of the tolls.
I watched my brother, once young and strong,
get eaten alive by this world a piece at a time
Until he became someone I hardly recognized
And died from a life ruined by drugs and crime.
I laid down on the couch where he passed away.
It smelled like sweat, tobacco and cheap alcohol.
I didn't care because it was all I had left of him.
And I told him, "It's over now. Find heaven, Paul."
I don't expect you to be impressed with any of this.
Few can learn from what someone else has seen.
Hold your mother by a grave in the dead of winter
And maybe then you'll start to know what I mean.
Or discover your brother in a parking lot at night
Panhandling from strangers to get money for drugs.
Try to fix your parents' hearts after losing their son
And learn the total impotence of words and hugs.
Lose two of your children before they're even born.
Feel your soul get ripped out, cry till you can't see,
Then wonder now and then for the rest of your life
Who they might have been and how old they would be.
Watch your parents getting wheeled into surgery.
Sit and wonder if they're ever going to come out.
Feel death sniffing around at your own heels, too.
There's no faster way to learn what life is about.
I've spent years wandering through endless night.
I don't dwell on sorrow because I know it too well.
When you escape quicksand, you don't jump back in.
Believe me, I could write the damn tour book for hell.
So please don't assume that my wholesomeness
Comes from a privileged life full of carefree fun.
Beneath this calm surface, great fury is raging.
If I wasn't holding a pen, I'd be holding a gun.
The war between light and dark rages within
And my only weapons are this paper and pen.
I've seen enough of the night for one lifetime.
I never want to go back to that place again.
I have not experienced all of this without injury.
No one passes through this cold world unscathed.
I fight the cynicism in my heart and soul every day
And it's through writing that they both are bathed.
Someone said the pen is mightier than the sword
And I'm living my life with the hope that it's true.
I've seen plenty of darkness, so I stay in the light.
It's how I honor the fallen ~ and the living, too.
Author notes
I was watching a movie with James Garner recently. (I think it was called Murphy's Romance.) There was a scene where he goes to a movie with his girlfriend and her young son. It's a slasher film. They show everybody watching the movie. The mother is enjoying it but the kid looks horrified. James Garner's character gets up and leaves. The boy follows him outside and asks him why he stopped watching the movie. He says he spent four years seeing people butcher each other in World War II and he didn't want to pay good money to see it again. That's sort of my point in this poem. There is a lot to be said for revisiting traumas and venting pain, fear, frustration, etc., through poetry, but at least equal time should be given to the better things in life, the higher emotions, goals, dreams, etc. The light is just as real as the darkness, but we choose which we'll live in.
Likewise, I don't think people who spent years dodging bullets involuntarily in some war came home and went bungee jumping or otherwise risking their lives in unnecessary ways. The same is true of dark poetry. We've all been there. I've never understood those who constantly dwell (wallow) in it. As Aldous Huxley wrote, "Rolling in the muck is not the best way to get clean."
Just a few thoughts. I don't mean to preach. Blessings on your journey.
Mark
Written November 11th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 65 of 65
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Mark, my life has had its ups and downs as all life has, and events that have shattered me, although they may not have looked that bad to others and events that no one will ever know about. But, nothing like what you have gone through, I know for a fact though, that one day that time will come, that is life, as you said the darkness is as real as the light. When that day comes I will remember this poem and the lesson that is teaches about letting the light emerge from the darkness. I don't care if anyone thinks it sounds 'preachy'. You can preach to me anytime you like, I'll listen.
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Thanks, Bex. I appreciate that.
Hey, who's that adorable little bundle of joy you're cuddling with in the profile pic?
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Hi Stuart,
Thanks for your wonderful comment on this. I really opened a vein writing this one so it means a lot to me. I hope 2006 is a happy, healthy, prosperous year for you.
Mark
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Hi Leanne,
Thanks for your thoughts on this. I've always considered you to be one of the most talented writers on this site, so it means a lot to me to be told by you that I have a "magic pen", and even more to know that you think highly of me as a person. Thank you.
I've got a lot of catching up to do with your work. I think I'll go do that right now! I can't think of a better way to start the new year.
All the best in 2006.
Mark -
Catressa,
Thanks for your kind words on this poem. It's probably my most confessional one yet here, so it means a lot to me. Thanks for being such a good friend this year. I hope all your dreams come true in 2006.
Mark -
This is an extremely powerful and emotive poem, which spoke volumes. Despite the heartbreaks and the hardships, you retain a defiantly positive stance and outlook in the face of all adversity, and put your faith in the things you can, channel the emotion and direct it towards good/healthy/better purpose, rather than succumbing to "the darker elements" that would otherwise drag you down into an endless spiral of negativisms.
Yes, it is moving and eye-opening (mind-opening more so) when we come to hear the accounts of other people's experiences (poetry is such an apt medium); it puts so much of our own lives into perspective, and can make us so grateful for even the littlest, seemingly most insignificant of things which we might take for granted otherwise. This poem flowed throughout, and I read it without double-checking. There are so many events, emotions and incidents/experiences being conveyed, it assails the reader's mind, yet if the mind is open (and the heart too) then it may absorb. Many thanks for sharing this wonderful write, which made for an equally compelling read.
Regards
Stuart
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Well Mark..I've read many of your pieces and all have touched me in some way...either with humour or sorrow...but this one has affected more than any other...the truth within and your openess alone bring tears...but the sentiments about what you have been through really made those tears fall...I take comfort from seeing what a beautiful person you have become through those very same experiences....your magic pen still works for me!!...bravo...great write ...leanne xxx
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I really enjoyed this piece. It is refreshing to find something like this on the site.Even thoughtit is long it was readable i stayed tune from the begining to the end. Awesome job and keep up the good work!!
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Great job Mark, very eloquent words. I've experienced some of the same things you've described here and I thnk I can truly say that the old saying that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" has some truth to it. Good luck in the contest. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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You know I feel a bit guilty now Mark. I write of my life here whereas I cannot tell others the sad and darker side of me.
But I do it because it is a free realm knowing I might recieve a bit of solace. This touched me Mark truly but I always knew you weren't all light and sunshine even though I tease you about it. Life makes us who we are, and I think you are pretty damn good.. Take Care,
Catressa
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Powerful!
Preach on brother! We need to hear somebody say it! -
Dearest Mark, this is a great, great peice of ones soul. "through writing they both are bathed" << love it!!! Keep pouring out your heart and writing your soul it is a wonderful part of who you are and what we should be seeing for ourselfs in this world. Have a great day! xo
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Smog,
Beautifully put. Thanks.
Mark
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AuthenticReality,
Thanks for letting me know my poem gave you hope. That's the ultimate compliment to me. I hope you are able to find the light in your own life soon. And you're absolutely right - things can always get worse. Nobody has the corner on suffering. I'm sure millions of people around the world would happily trade places with me, and my traumas are a walk in the park compared to theirs.
Thanks,
Mark
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Man of Harlech,
Thanks for revisiting this. I've been adding and nipping quite a bit. I'm glad you like the new version. And thanks again for the advice on the presentation.
Mark -
Amazing
We have all been through so much, Mark, and you are one of the lucky few who has found their way through to the light. I've been in a bad place for a long time, and your poem has given me much needed hope. Simply hearing how bad things can get makes me thankful for what I have, especially when I consider the fact that it can even get much worse than than, ie. third world countries. Thank you very much for that, you gave me a peek through the clouds at the sunshine. -
Fast ball down the middle
OK, I gotcha this time. You cooled down the format and the candle was just right. I was able to savor the words and the flow of the message. This is life lived and conquered and it is a beacon to others. A wonderful job my friend. I won't say, "I told you so-You TOLD ME so!" -
This is the most beautiful poem that I've ever read on Allpoetry; I'm glad I took several minutes to read it. There's a real... patient strength running underneath this. There are things that no one else can understand, that is so true. I'm always telling my friends that if someone says to them 'I understand exactly how you're feeling, I can empathise', that this is a lie, even if the person means well. Your pain, your love is your own. Thank you for this poem.
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This poem was amazing...I find myself wondering why I dwell on my sorrows when they are nothing compared to what you've been through...You're such a strong person. You've truly inspired me, for that I thank you. Wonderful job.
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Marvolus, I could not read it all but I will be sure to finish it! Thanks for sharing this with us.
Love my darling
andie -
I didn't take time to read the poem cuz I'm in school but the pic was beautiful
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This poem is glorious! It really brightened my day...Thank You So Much!
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i raly raly love this im 17 but i have seen sum un cool things and i raly am for the most part out of wards but this was jast powerful and i wanted to say somthing keep up the good wark
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etherealforU,
Thank you so much for that wonderful comment. I really appreciate it and am so glad to know you.
Mark
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excellent writing
I am just about speechless. I really know where you are coming from in this write. I too have been through so many trials and tribulations in my life. I have been so down that I thought I would never see light again. I too, do not write dark poetry, and I agree that we have to light a candle everyday to thank God we have come through the terrible darkness and are able to feel, smile, and live life again. You did such a tremendous job here.
etherealforu
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this poem definitely reads as to know you better, Mark, to know your past, your present as a writer and a person. it's a difficult thing I realize to let the world take this peek at your inner true self, but it is what poetry is all about, and this poem is a true testament to the man that you are.
Good luck in the contest, but I know by your very writing of this poem, you're already a winner!
Jo
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Good piece I liked a lot
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Thanks, Reenie. I know you'd "get it". My worry in writing this was that people would think, "Cry me a river, pal. We've all had our losses." I know that very well, and hope I didn't come off that way. As you know, it was just my attempt to explain why I try to stay on the "sunny side of the street". lol
Thanks again. Great to hear from you.
Mark
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What a nice surprise to hear from you? You were one of my first friends when I joined this site, and the only one I've exchanged candies across the miles with.
Thanks for everything you said, and for reaffirming the philosophy I tried to express here. I'm not surprised you understand it. You're one of the people here I would consider a spirit warrior.
Love,
Mark
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I think that only when we have seen what true darkness we can really appreciate the light. Sometime ago a friend in this site asked me what was wrong with me, why I wrote so many positive poems. My reply to him was that I write (mostly) about how I want to live and how I choose to see the world. There are enough tragedies, sorrows, darkness all around, I don't need to write or read about that. It's already sad that we watch the candles fading everytime we turn the TV on.
You have been through a lot, and I admire the way you look at life and write about it.
This is a touching poem, specially the part you talk about your brother.
May you always see the light in your heart even when darkness tries to blow the flame away
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Mark, I can not begin to tell you how close to my thoughts this write of yours is. I myself have had some terrible dark experiences in my life , however I believe that 90% of the time I focus on the lighter ones that were and that I still always see in the future.Out of all my writes there might be a total of 10 that could be considered dark, and even a couple of those might have been a contest poem. We do have choices....we can always pick at our scabs and scars and keep them bleeding , or we can choose to give them a little TLC now and then and let them heal . By no means am I implying to forget about them (for in that case we would have learned nothing at all and would stay stuck in sort of a limbo world). We (the people that enjoy writing)can light up our own world by pointing the pen, hopefully thereby lighting someone elses darkness as well. Yes my friend , it is a lesson that I have learned also. Some of my writes have also been called wholesome or uplifting , and just like you that is something that I am proud off (more so than any of the trophies or awards). So let's keep choosing that path, and if I am ever in "quick sand" which of course happens in everyones life....it is writers like you that reach me a rope, and therefore I thank you and I will remain a student of "your philosophy"
xoxo
Reenie
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Again you draw tears from me. I dont know how you do it.That was an amazing poem. Yes i agree having a lightness about you doesnt mean it has always been that way.
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Great write!So full of thoughts and feelings..Though long..it isn't boring..infact the more you read..the more you want to read..So nice vocabulary..and a great message..atleast all your other poems to mean it..tht you have to write about happy stuff..so you can make someone somewhere smile..Good luck in the contest!
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Hi Mark A piece that says so much about how I also feel,Though maybe not having seen as much as you, I have in my time in the forces seen enough for me to look for brightness in my life, and not seek the shadows that many seem to do here.That is why humour in poetry is to me the finest work around,tears are so easy to draw, laughter take hard work.
I may sound flippant with many of my comments and works.Sh*t Ive seen enough of the serious side of things.To laugh at them now.I love this piece.One can only imagine from this poem some of what you have seen or been through.Says so much for you that you still remain in the battle Great write. -
Man of Harlech,
Sorry, but I have no idea what your comment meant. Please clarify. Thanks.
Mark -
Thanks, Lena. I know you've overcome a lot, too. And I know you're one of the people who knows exactly what this poem means.
Mark -
heismysong,
I agree. Our reactions are usually our worst enemy in situations that make most people angry - getting cut off on the freeway, being yelled at, etc. Calmness is always the goal or else everything escalates until you're fighting with someone like a dog in the street. We should use all those thousands of years of evolution and be rational. However, the anger I was referring to in the poem is the kind toward evil in the world in general, not the personal, petty kind.
Thanks for your thoughts, as always.
Mark -
Hi Sara,
Thanks for everything you said, but I should point out that in the line you quoted - If I wasn't holding a pen, I'd be holding a gun" - I meant I would be using a gun to fight darkness in the world instead of a pen - not that I would use it to hurt myself. Suicide is never an option. In fact, I'd rather you didn't quote that line on your author page out of context because it will definitely be misinterpreted. Hope you don't mind.
Thanks again,
Uncle M
P.S. And you're very easy to "put up with".
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You're such an inspiration to me. You tell me so many times that you are proud of me and it means a great deal, but do I ever tell you enough just how much I'm proud of you? Well I am I am very blessed to have you in my life, sometimes I wonder why you put up with me. You have been through a lot too, and you are always there, I try to be, but I shatter everytime darkness hits me, like now. I often forget that there are others out there that have it worse than I, and I should be thankful for what I do have, and cope with what I don't or wish to have. Anyways, sorry for my soap opera ... This may be one of the most powerful poems that you have ever written, the line that touched me the most was...
If I wasn't holding a pen, I'd be holding a gun.
That is so true for me too. A matter of fact. I am quoting you on that and placing it on my author page ... by the way, have you looked at it lately?
POWERFUL POEM UNCLE MARK
Love you
Sara
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Your mama. lol
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Wow, Mark- that's all I can really say... wow.
I know you say you're fine, but I'm still praying for you, Mark. I've never really understood the roots of anger that much, as it's not one of my first and foremost reactions to a situation. Bitterness I've had, and gotten over, and fear I deal with quite a bit, but anger isn't very common for me.
I have this little book called "Your Reactions Are Showing", that says our reactions are the only things that are truly hurting us. I've also heard that the only reason people get offended is that they think they have rights above God and everyone/everything else. Sounds like the makes for a miserable living to me!
You know, you remind me of a Bible character, too- his name is Thomas. -
all i can say is..WOW!!!!!!!!man this poem is sooooo well written and i wish i had half ur courage to bring my self out of the "depression" mode i guess u can say...i could say a lot more but i dont know where to begin...
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Wonderfulester
Wow well said, you know some of the greatest people that ever lived came out of a rough life. It is so true though because life is not always simple bliss, there are a lot of trials. When you overcome them you become a 150% better than you were before. Thank you for your thoughts and you know i really love this piece of art. -
Wow, great poem. Congratulations for being able to stand up for yourself through such strong words and such a great poem. Good for you for writing in general too. Please keep writing and keep on keeping on.
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A wonderfully awesome poem! So glad I clicked on this poem to read; it's so positive and just full of light! Wow! Thank you so much for the smiles and the warm feelings I had while reading this! Bravo and kudos!
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Very good poem and you are so right. You did a great job writing this. And on your author comment I agree one hundred percent. To much wallowing in it going on. I see it even here in the contests, the hosts asking for dark writes only cuse they are already depressed, sad and in a bad mood. I would think If i was in a depressed mood I would want the opposite, something to try to cheer me up. Not something to bring me down further. Thats pointless in my opinion.
None the less you did a great job on this. Good luck in the contest
Peace
Lust -
Mark, this is truly amazing. Those who know darkness enjoy the light the best. But we cannot live only within the light, that's why "god" invented shadows!
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Wow, this invokes alot of thoughts. You are obviously very skilled. The imagery involved is immense, I felt...I cannot tell you what I felt, which is the mark of a GREAT poem. You should be proud.....
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Intriguing and best use possible of the craft. The work of a master. You need to write a book about your life and evolution. What occupation puts you around so much death? Throw another coil around the monster inside. He's worked a little slack into the fetters. i second deercatcher comments
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There is alot of hoopla here for positive feeling. This is supposed to be a critique. I, feel like a pig in a chute-this is only one way to go. The cheerleaders tell me that this is all great. Why ask what I think?
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Intriguing and best use possible of the craft. The work of a master. You need to write a book about your life and evolution. What occupation puts you around so much death? Throw another coil around the monster inside. He's worked a little slack into the fetters.
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This actualy put me in tears. oh how I can relate to so much of this though I have had my share of dark writes I know try to write uplifting things and sometimes people take it the wrong way saying life is not that great. I never claimed it was I just write of the peace I find within. this was beautiful as it reflects your soul and all you have been through. You did a wonderful job on this piece as usual and I hope you do well in this contest because you deserve it. Well said and very well expressed. Bravo for you!!
huggles
~Lena~ -
Thanks, Shancy. Pick away! lol I just added an author's comments to try to explain a little where I was coming from with this one. I have to run now but would love to talk sometime. Just say when!
Take care,
Mark -
This is incredibly awesome. I would love to pick your brain, so
to speak. I am amazed at the reasoning behind your words. I am,
also, proud to have found this work and become a part of it. Shancy. -
ShellG,
This poem is entirely true, I'm afraid, but I'm not complaining, just making a point. We all have our scars, and crosses to bear. But I'm okay. In fact, as the poem says, most people consider me almost annoyingly positive. lol
Thanks,
Mark
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Loved this poem,and a beautiful background.I hope everything in here really didn't happen to you but very touching.It saddens the soul to hear that much pain,love the emotion though, you really did a wonderful job
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Demokrit,
This one was brewing for a while and I wrote it in a bit of a fever of inspiration, so I was worried I might have overdone it a little. Thanks for letting me know I didn't sound like a fire and brimstone preacher. haha
Have a great weekend,
Mark
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Hi Anasuya,
Yeah, I get that a lot. (It's too long!) lol I usually defend myself by saying that some of the greatest poets in history that were so long they make this look very concise. But I know that most readers like shorter poems these days for some reason. I'm just long-winded, I guess. haha
Thanks for commenting. Have a great weekend.
Mark
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Deep, intensive and vivid picture and rhyme. Well crafted and not overdone- A lot to think about and a great deep view into a living soul
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A little long for my tastes, especially considering it rhymes, and that's not usually my drug of choice. I kinda giggled when I read the first stanza, because that's almost always what I feel, as a reader, when I'm reading a rhyming piece that isn't specified form poetry. Although, I like the tale being told here and can appreciate your art.
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Yes- much better!
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amazing job!!!!! i justlove this poem, everything down to the background and nice imagery to the well chosen words .nice flow very emotional
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Thanks for pointing that out. I have lengthened the first two stanzas to match the rest of the poem better. Please let me know if it reads better when you have a second. Thanks.
Have a great weekend!
Mark
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I enjoyed this work, but there were a few things out of place. The first two stanzas were great for an opening, but then the third stanza changed patterns and it was hard to convert beats throughout the rest of the poem. Maybe you could change the first two stanzas? Still a good effort and nice piece overall.
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