A missed phone call, can it redefine life?
It was mid morningish, that fateful day
I was tired, sleepy, missing my wife.
What a price I'd eventually pay.
The phone rang and rang, I covered my head.
Voice messaging would answer the call.
I could barely arise from the clutch of the bed,
And fumbled my way to the john down the hall.
Then I punched the code, put phone to ear,
And nearly collapsed from the shock.
Mary's voice fairly shrieked, full of fear,
As I glanced at the time on the clock.
Goodbye, my darling, we'll meet in Heaven.
She died 2001, 9/11.
Author notes
This was published in the Fall issue of Sonnetto Poesia, 2005
I should have mentioned that this did not happen to me. It was inspired by Ruth Kephart's experiences with the subject. She lost her husband and once we spoke of it, and she said it was too close to write about. So, I wrote about it myself. We often write from various viewpoints in our poetry groups here in Iowa.
(Oops. Seems I misunderstood Ruth. She didn't lose a husband that day, but she had a husband she wished she would have lost, although probably not in just that way.)
Written September 11th, 2005
A contest entry
- TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME (Now 20,000+) Part 9a Feelings by cricketjeff.
1500 points, ended January 29, 2008, 40 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - lessons worth gold by solitarytear.
700 points, ended January 27, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Remeber 9-1-1 by trekkergirl.
400 points, ended September 14, 28 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites C= by Kathraina.
400 points, ended November 28, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
-
Loved the authors notes. i am sure we all have someone we wish would disappear suddenly in a dramatic and heroic fashion so that their memory would be more fondly considered than they actually deserved. Very funny
-
-
Yes ...
Ruth and I had a good laugh over that.
Thanks for stopping by.
-
-
wow! And I did hear that several people who knew that they wouldn't make it down those stairs in time did make phone calls to their loved ones... saying goodbye... and whatever else they needed too.
This was very touching to me.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful write. And thanks for entering it into my contest.
-
OY...that was depressing. wonderful write though you really took me there....please keep up the amazing work..much <3....scars.
-
You prove greatly that when writing in first person, doesn't always prove to be a personal experience. In this instance, I am truly glad that it's not.
This was a very well written sonnet, written from the viewpoint of a surviving spouse. Your blunt ending hits the reader in the gut and the feelings of shock and the onslaught of agony is palible. Well done.
The most tragic terrist incident on US soil. My heart still aches for those who lived this horrific moment for real.
Best wishes in the contest!
Many blessings, Sandi
-
Another one of many lovely poems in your portfolio... I'm glad to see CrickeyJeff gave it good consideration in his Rhyme Lollapalooza. Best to you, as always, Jim
-
That confused me. At first I thought you were in the building.
-
-
LOL!
A wife calls her husband who stumbles out of bed, down the hallway to the john... and you thought it was in the world trade center??? I'm wondering what the train of thought was there?!
-
-
A heartbreaking write. Cute note in the authors notes
I am sure someone somewhere did receive a call much like this and has regrets. Thank you for your entry.
-
gods this poem brings back memories. so many people lost loved ones that day. your poem is very heartfelt and respectful to those we lost that day.
-
Oh, wow. I cannot even begin to imagine how to express such unimaginable loss, and yet you've cut me to the quick because you've done it flawlessly. The flow carries you along on a swift current of horror and dumps you on your ass into a pool of heart-wrenching pain. This was like a kick in the face and it blew me away. BRAVO!!!!
Best of luck and thanks for entering!
-
Heartwrenching and deserving of a cup. Congrats! I'm sorry this horrible nightmare had to happen to anyone. So many hearts broken, lives torn apart and the pain of remembrance is still, and will forever be, fresh. Thank you for sharing your heart!--Kel
-
I must add my congratulations to those of Jeff, the silver is well deserved and I found your poem to be emotional and heart-rending.
Thanks for entering
Sue
-
Wonderful poem, full of feeling and still perfectly formed, unfortunately Amera's poem was as near perfect as makes no odds, but we had no doubts at all about the next poem. This is one of the best commemorations of tragedy that I have seen, heart-rending and warm.
-
I see why Cricketjeff said you and I should be splitting the gold in this contest. This sonnet really tugs at the heartstrings. It's beauth runs much deeper than the form and rhyme. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
-
So pleased to see that this piece gain its well worthy silver award Excellent
-
Congratulations on this Silver Jim...glad to know that I inspired it
Ruth
-
Very interesting and touching story you have penned here, congrats on the publication
CherryKiss
-
I am not surprised that Ruth inspired you to write this She is such a person that inspires many.One of the first to gained a place on my favourites list.
Back to the poem a strong powerful piece that tugs at the heart strings.The phone can be a blessing and a curse at the same time who has not ignored it at some time luckily without such dire consequences a very moving piece one written at if from reality Excellent
-
There's not much I can say that doesn't repeat what's already been said, but . . . wow. A very difficult view through the eyes of another.
-
Well, either way, it's a terrible thing to happen. It doesn't matter who it happened to. It's a disgusting crushing blow. I'm sorry for your friend in that case.
-
Sorry. I didn't make myself clear. This did not happen to me, but was written because a friend lost her husband and she said it was too close to write about. So, I wrote this poem myself.
-
How terrible for you. It's amazing how many lives were hurt by that day but even worse for you having been your wife. I am truly sorry that happened to you. I will always remember that day, you showed us your view of it very well.
~*destiny*~ -
Sad and heart breaking write. Reminds me of the movie that was recently on tv "United 93". My heart aches for those lost in the tragedy and for those who lost loved ones. Very emotional......thanks for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.
-
That life is a difficult game of chance, wide open.
-
What do you mean by "stud poker"?
-
Stud Poker.
-
-
Sorry I haven't been keeping up with ...
those here whom I admire. I've been too ill to do much, but they found that one of the medicines I was taking was making me much worse and have taken me off of it, so hopefully 2009 will be a better year.
I hope your holidays were spectacular.
-
-
this is an unusually powerful and original poem. One of the better ones I have read here
-
From reading about what happened on 9/11 a lot of passengers managed to "Phone Home" it must've been terrifying for them, plus their loved ones listening to their "Goodbye" messages. You had me enthralled with this Sonnet, and the ending really blew me away. Very well done Sonnet.
Hugs angelica.
-
Oh my!...this is so beautiful and so sad. The ending brought tears to my eyes.
You do express well..
debbie
-
the grim reaper calls
Ghostly and sad, fear of death and its implications to our
human frailties, this was again vivid as it moved with
smoothness in the flow , from dream to awakening to a startling
reality... and death , dark poetry. -
just looked through a series of quotes using "John" as you done here, and there's an overwhelming propensity toward it's being used lower-cased.
i thought at first that the final line was separate from the poem, but then it dawned on me that 11 rhymes with "heaven", and so that there's the closing line of the closing couplet.
this is an interesting way to do a sonnet. i noticed that the "nearly collapsed" line is an anapaestic-iambic trimeter, which works well with the sentiment expressed on that line (being stopped cold in mind and feeling).
i like the colloquial language used in this. works well for the content and what it works to convey.
on a third read through, i find myself hanging up a bit on "fairly shrieked"; "fairly" in that line fills like a metrical filler--an unecessary word. i mean, either she's shrieking or she's not, so "fairly" doesn't quite work when you think about it. but, then, i can't think of anything better.
i felt a bit of emotional impact as i read this the first time, which is good. emotional impact in pomes today ain't easy to come by.
-
You misspelled caliber. Shame on you.
-
Yes, I did read this. The phone call idea was great
. It seems very typical. I'm afraid anyone who has read this poem might feel it neccesary to answer the phone whatever time it may ring 
.
Flow was decent (not metrically perfect but I've no reason to believe you were aiming for that, right?); it wasn't too wordy. The content, as I said before, strikes a stereotypical chord (ignoring the morning calls) and yet the poem it itself is far from 'stereotypcial' .
Not my favorite of yours, but it definitely falls into a much higher calibur of poetry compared to the majority of what I read here .
...And then, what should I expect, right? Kudos to a well-crafted poem.
- Cor -
very powerful words. the emotion just flows out of the piece. you almost don't expect the ending...but then it happens. really does reflect what happened that day. very nice job!
-
The title refers to a call from the plane to someone on the ground, of course. Seems simple enough to me.
-
Well it is really a great work reveling the deep pain of the heart through and through. It is not only a poem it is a great shock which is described very truelly and in a very touchy manner in this write which is really a commendable job of the poet. The thought is very deeply touching the deep arena of this whole issue through and through. The subject is handeled with great care and it is taouched with the sentiments of this whole creation..A very sad but definetely a great and a strong write too.
-
this is a great write. the flow was good, the thought of a man not wanting to get up because it's too early to answer the phone. i don't really agree with the title either. maybe you should think about changing it to something else. but other than that great write.
~ARYN~ -
good and nice
ahh.. well done then.. i feel a little lighter now.
if you fancy bieng balanced u could wright about the madness from the perspective of one of the 20/50 iraki or afgan cervillians killed for each 1 in newyork.. is that a hot potatto though..
thin ice am i on?
just a quick fukough to all neocons in power in your glorious land and mine.. may the revelations there creating get them first...
(dark - and not even mildly appologetic)
respect for the wrightin though -
one cant imagine the feeling to experience something like this ... you have captured that horror and sadness so very well ... >>> GINA
-
great work!!!!
-
Thanks, but it didn't really happen -- to me. I wrote it after talking to a friend about the tragedies on 9/11 and after reading a bunch of poems about 9/11 which were mostly God awful. I wanted to write something unique, so this is the result.
-
brilliant
a big one this... hard to comment.
to say i enjoyed it?
it certainly moved me...
those enormous unchangable guilt moments we couldnt possably see coming live through us and in us for the rest of our lives.
.. at least yours now dwells in me..
respect brother
and go easy on yourself -
Excellent poem
Oh my God dude, ..Oh....I'm so...SO sorry.
*hugs you*
-
what a sad poem.but i enjoyed reading it.
-
This was a blow on my head.... It might not have been a true event, but it did feel that way. I think, many people can relate to something like that. For instance people who left home in the morning, kissed their sweethearts good bye and while waving to them, calling: "See you tonight" and never seeing each other alive again. Yes, this is dreadful, but you don't need a blast like 9/11 for that. It can also happen in a car accident. The message in this story is therefore for me: be aware each day that it can be your last or the last one of the (wo)man you love. Great write Jim. Well done. Anna.
Edited on Nov 12, 7:47 because ''. -
No. I should have said that I guess. I wasn't thinking. I wrote it after a conversation with Ruth Kephart who lost her husband somehow and I think it might have been then, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I had been reading 9/11 stories and poems and they were all the same thing recycled endlessly. I thought it would be good to write something unique.
Thanks again,
-
Heartbreaking pen!
Oh WOW, my heart felt the shock as a catagory 8 earthquake. Jim, I hope and pray this was only the muse talking here. An awesome pen of emotions and Extreme sad realizations.
I got a crazy looking font on your words split with apostophies, maybe its just my monitor.
Wishing you all the best in the contest this is entered for, I'm sure it will be a very high contender Sandi
-
Oh my, this pulled me in and held me until the unexpected ending. Heartwrenching conclusion. Skillfully written.
Adding your comment:
1 - 52 of 52
