Wander this world
of leathered souls,
paying their tolls
with loneliness.
Wander this world
of broken dreams,
opened hand hold
slipping away.
Wander this world
of forgotten truths,
under lying, fears
sears forked tongues.
Wander this world
of skin and bones,
starving humanity
to silent death.
Wander this world
of shaded faces
and characters,
parasitic grunge.
Wander this world
of streets in heat,
in lust we trust
fallen pimps of God.
I wander this world,
so alone
so alone
So alone.
Author notes
Written November 10th, 2005
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Gee why didn't she just completely rewrite your poem for you? Rolling eyes.. I seriously take issue with comments that do that. Sorry.
I however found no flaws in the write it spoke it's point loud and clear all the way to the end.
But then hey I read you quite a bit and happen to like your writings.
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'Wander this world of leathered souls, paying their tolls with loneliness...'
'You had me at hello...'
Ya knew I'd love this one, Muddy...Wanderers of the world, unite...
Yes, the imagery is a bit stark...it is also a truthful view of the Poet at large...We wander our sacred paths, seeking answers & finding only questions...This is a gorgeous penning, my Friend...as you are wont to do...
♥ Wanderer
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Great write
Very beautifully done and written, i like the repetition "wander this world" it gives a better picture and hammers home the message, sears the readers heart, THis are little clusters of hummanity vanities that so much holds us in captivity. Shows the darknessing sweepin the world away to the very botomless abys. -
Excellent content, form could use some change
Excellent visuals. You might consider
Line One Wander this world
Stanza break
Line Two of leathered souls
Line Three paying their tolls
Line Four with loneliness
Stanza Break
Line Five of broken dreams
Line Six open hand hold
Line Seven slipping away
Stanza Break
etc. all the way to the last stanza, then
I wander this world
Stanza break
so alone
so alone
(Italics) so alone
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thimply thuperb
im not a fan of 4 liners..espesh ones so short. i did like it but as said above, a bit repetitive. id like to know the imagry behind it as it isnt all that clear..probs because im so dense but anyhoo, i did like it. well done! -
Very confronting, but wow!! This was so good! A very introspective write, I really could feel the lost, abandonned feeling in it.
It's sad though the world has to show its face like this. I think you expressed something here a lot of us go through sometimes, and you did a great job on that!
Ostara
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I absolutely loved the line "wondered this world of leathered souls" it reminds me of how inert humans can be to one another. This poem reminded me of the movie Crash, have you seen it, it is just a depiction of how people spend their lives in a turmoil of absolute nothingness, when you believe you are fighting for something so grand. Great write
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thought provoking and very nicly written, but this did get a little repetitive. i would suggest condensing this to a few powerful stanzas. other than that, nicely done
~sammy -
Brilliant
Wonderful work! It is well-written and has a good flow. I liked how you used repetition for "Wander this world". Society is sad in this day and age; hipocrisy, greed, critiscm, etc. The world is dead...
Again, great write. I look forward to reading more of your work! ^_~ God bless... -
What a starkly written piece - it speaks of desolation, hope lost to fallen dreams and dreams lost to societies waylaid notions. This is sad in its truth and brilliant in its wording.
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this is nice ilike it! i'm gonna chek out some more of your work! great write!
Love Ya
kelsi
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A very thought provoking piece. Excellent work. Sad words that held me captive.
Sam
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