love (n.)
1. a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship or a sense of underlying oneness.
Deep, tender...
Like when you kissed my eyelids
lulling baby powdered, scented dreams.
Your body securely wrapping me within
soothing Downy caresses
commitment (n.)
1. the state of pledging to be with another person emotionally or intellectually
Antonymous lashes
rape me of breath and will.
Your words,
"I just can't be with only you."
Leave my crumbled body on bathroom floor.
broken (v.)
1. to become separated into pieces suddenly or violently, smashed.
Notice un-foretold
maybe just blinded by
loves false light, failed to see it coming.
Ending
childish (adj.)
1. indicating a lack of maturity
Your Lego Land reality
eventually crumbles like my heart.
Pixie Dust won't be enough
to bring me back to you.
Start clapping now my Fairy Boy,
close your eyes, (make) believe.
Your wish is answered,
I am gone to you.
Author notes
This poem is in repsonse to dogsamongus's poem, The Last Lost Boy.
Written November 9th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Incredibly creative. It really sucked me in (long poems usually dont) I've read dogsamongus's poem and loved it. You followed it up very very nicely. Beautifully written! I hope to read more of your work.
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wow, awesome job here, love how you've laid it out.
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Painful and powerful. You express yourself so much better than I ever could. It hurts so much to read this but from a purely literary point of view it is perfection. Don't quite know what else to say. You really struck at the core.
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at first i didn't think i would like this poem, but after reading it i saw that i did...you really pulled through with the dictionary style. great job!
~Casey~
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Thanks for the comment. I like trying out new formats and when there is material to move me it is easy to write.
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very interesting format you took in writing this poem Befree...I love unique, especially in poetry. it lets the reader sense the level-headed definitions provided--(almost to dictionary standards), and then lures them right the personal images you have drawn.
really excellent piece of writing, great title choice, and I totally enjoyed reading this!
Jo -
Wow, this poem really touched me. The last person i was with was totally unprepared to commit to me as their only one, and it really hurt...i wanted to write something to help get my thoughts out, but this expresses my feeling so perfectly. Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece, reading this has made my day.
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You have no idea how closely this matches to what's going on inside my head. By which i mean, i can...relate to this. Love, commitment...broken..
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awesome!!!!!! beautiful. i love poems about love. i have a whole lot of love poems or i will probably have to make one liked how you went from one part to the next. also how you had the definitions in there. you got so many emotions and feelings into this poem. you really did it and flowed really well. good job!! I love it. I love how you did the definition of Love, Commitment, Broken and Childish, and then put a stanza below that to show your emotion is wonderful. hope you get what you wanted.
Edited on Nov 09, 1:07 p.m. because ''. -
This was a beautiful piece, and I loved the individuality of the definitions.
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I loved how you used definitions as intros throughout the piece. It was a very deep and intellectually stimulating write.
Nicely done!
Prince
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excellent writing
Wow and wowwwwwwwww. You have really said what so many of us women think at times when confronted with these non-commital types. I really commend you for using the exact definitions as part of the poem itself. This is just a magnificent piece.
etherealforu
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I wish I could applaud this superb work, but I'm totally out of points.. I think it's a very unique and well-crafted piece.
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w0w0w0w This is awesome! I love it. I love how you did the definition of Love, Commitment, Broken and Childish, and then put a stanza below that to show your emotions. It's truly amazing. Great job!
~Kat -
As always free you are an amazing writer. This is such an open and emotional read. I love how you put piece together. I miss and wish you the best... ~M~
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innovative
I like the dictionary style -
This is very powerful, very good write. Thank you. -Pasion
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Wow. I love the last stanza. This was really great. How did you come up with the idea for this piece. It is really neat how you used the definitions. The title is great too!
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wow. beautiful. i liked how you went from one part to the next. also how you had the definisions in there. you got so many emotions and feelings into this poem. how do you do it? it flowed really really well. good job!!
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