its funny my answer to what you want
when i think of all i could flaunt
only one thing comes to mind
only one person
only one place
for only one reason
for only one face
my favorite place is with her...
my favorite person to be with well thats obvious...
my favorite occupation is to be her's...
if not all your questions are answered by whats above
then they are answered by love...
sean m
Author notes
i hope this one makes it!!
Written November 9th, 2005
A contest entry
- Contest: YOUR FAVORITE...... by Anna Emkah.
300 points, ended November 16, 2005, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥give me love♥ options!♥ by Fallen-Phases.
450 points, ended December 15, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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ah, cest magnifique!
its a lovely write, showing how deep love can run. merci
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thank you
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why thank you mam
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this was so short yet so cute good job keep up the write
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This is very simple!That's why it rocked so much!It's very sweet!Keep it up!
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thank you very much...
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amazing
aww, short and sweet I like it!
-vannarose -
she is the lucky one..keep it up
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thanks that means alot to me.
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thanks alot.
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Great poem.
-Crimson- -
Nice poem with emotions and love.
Best wishes,
manoj -
This is so sweet = ) You must really care a lot about this person. You seemed to have expressed a lot of emotion in this! Nice job!
<333333333
Hannah -
This poem is the perfect answer to this contest!lol! But anyways it is really a great poem and to express how you feel about that one person you love so much that you want to be with her every waking moment, be her occupation, cause you love being with the person all the time! Love it, Love it, Love it!
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i enjoyed reading it. it's like all you want to be is to be with "her", whoever who "her" is... good luck in the contest!
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a sweet piece with potential
This write is sweet, and it has definite potential, but I think it has more upside than you're giving it here.
What I like:
1.The first stanza, and in particular the first 3 lines. I'm not a structure guy, but it has a satisfying meter to it. I also like your use of the word "flaunt." It's clever.
2.Its unpredictability. It starts out regimented, and then order deteriorates into freer, albeit still somewhat constrained, verse. Pieces that do that are fun, and keep me from falling asleep.
3. Lines 9 and 11, because they step outside the fourth wall, and reference the fact that it's a poem we're reading. That's unexpected, and it makes your poem better.
What could be improved:
1. Punctuation/usage:
Line 1: "its" should be "it's"
Line 9: "thats" should be "that's," and you need to put a comma or question mark in there to make a pause. Something like,
"my favorite person to be with? well, that's obvious..."
Line 10: "her's" is not a word-- you want "hers"
2. I think you should swap lines 9 and 10
3. I think you should find some other way to rhyme "her" between lines 8 and 10. Using the same word sticks out.
4. I think you should pitch the last line entirely, but for the word "love," and put something different around it. "then they are answered by love" doesn't have the right beat to it. Plus, I don't understand what it means. It sounds like love is the one answering questions, and I don't think that's what you're trying to say. Maybe you could change it to "something-somthing-something my only answer: love" -
this is really good xxxxxxxxxxx
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tanks very much!
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thank you.
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hehe awesome!!
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This is very nice, an interesting structur, and a powerful messagr very well written. Good luck in the contest!
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this is really interesting. I liked it,I'm not sure why its so appealing, maybe because its simple, and yet light but loaded. As in, its a "happy" poem, but its 3D. I like how all the questions were answered, it surprised me. Nice work!!
~~Holly -
this is great bladesrsharp, very beautiful and moving, nice one, keep up the excellent work,
good luck in the contest
best wishes as always
Star Of The Night
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thank you darlin, love yah
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pherhaps... check some of my other poems.
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this is a nice piece of work, but may be you can do a bit better, don't know where, but definitely you can!
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Haha....I like it!! Hmmmm...i'm not really sure WHY, but i do
~lol~ Thanks.... -
You made a great poem about your favorite..... HER. Even her place and occupation are things that are your favorites. lol. It's not really what I had in mind, but I do like the poem very much. Anna.
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