I am losing a part of me I never thought
I could
My words don’t come as easily anymore when
They should
Why can’t I sense you or is it that I never had
You
Why can’t joy be a constant factor or don’t I want it
Too
Happiness is only an illusion
A mask to hide the agony inside
Yet I am fascinated by its mystery.
The dead must be truly happy
As their flesh rots in the ground
The living decided to make their home
I am daydreamer
Watching reality as it slips through my fingers like water.
My creativity leaves me in a daze,
Afraid that I can’t produce luscious sentences anymore
I am a people pleaser
But if there is no one left to please I might as well be dead
And you cannot wait to plunge your dagger in my bocal filled with blood
And poison me with lead for you buried the hatchet
Who am I fooling?
You are my one and only creation and truth
Cause everything outside our save circle is a lie
We tell stories the way we perceive them not the way they happened
I am a narrator of lies
Another human weakness like selfishness
We are only true to our hearts and only trust ourselves
For we cannot wait to be betrayed by the ones we claim to love
We all lie
To the world and say how SAFE relationships make us feel
When in fact it is a constant battle to keep our identity
But who am I if I’m not you
Author notes
This is a rant about losing myself, not knowing where I stanf in this world and not sure if I want to stand anywhere at all.
Hope you like
Love D.L.
Written November 5th, 2005
A contest entry
- Personal Situations and Unique \ by AutumnEmotion.
300 points, ended June 9, 2006, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dramatic Monologue by Andantino.
475 points, ended May 21, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ONE YEAR & MY Birthday by ToXiC-AnGeL.
1050 points, ended April 29, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silver PW by crivanea.
400 points, ended November 29, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I am a narrator of lies" love that line
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such great work ~ I felt it deep inside
I really loved the way it ended
We all lie
To the world and say how SAFE relationships make us feel
When in fact it is a constant battle to keep our identity
But who am I if I’m not you
terrific
Thanks for Sharing
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This breaks me too can relate to this more than I can accept. Beautiful but tragic.
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You made me cry. Lovely. Moveing. I hope to read more.
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we lose ourselves all through our lives, and find ourselves too. a good rant, thanks for entering and good luck
spill ink and twist me into the shape of love.
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Thanks for your comment. Thanks for pointing out those little errors, they are things you overlook. English is my second language so I am never sure if it is death or dead.
Love D.L. -
This is a good piece, a nice little rant, and there are aspects of it that I absolutely LOVE, like these excerpts:
"We tell stories the way we perceive them not the way they happened."
"Afraid that I can’t produce luscious sentences anymore."
Also the fact that when the first lines are read, it goes, "I'm a daydreamer, a people pleaser. Who am I fooling? I am a narrator of lies; we all lie." Don't know if you meant it to be like that, but I love it.
From an editting perspective, here are some things you could fix:
stanza 2--I think there may be a word or two missing here.
stanza 3, line 4--"death" should be "dead"
stanza 4, line 2--"trough" should be "through"
stanza 5, line 2--"death" should be "dead"
stanza 8, line 2--"SAVE" should be "SAFE"
Little grammatical errors, that's all. The piece itself is a beautiful vent, with some awesome expressions in it. Nice job! And thank you for your comment on my piece. -
Wow, I think we all go into this dark corner at times- I found the way you used to vent it very filling. I loved the wording, metaphos and imagery- Great Write!- Harper
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Hi, Divina Love:
This is a poem of depth and insight it is full of deep emotion,this poem is well written and I will readmore of your poem's you are a very talented poet,well done.
mrsfoss
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The beginning was shaky but you pulled though in the end! The message was beautiful and this was just a wonderful write!
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I like this a lot! it seems like you know yourself pretty well. I've lost myself before and I'm still trying to piece me together. I really like the line "Happiness is only an illusion" I just do for some reason.
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Wow, even though you say that this is about how you don't know yourself and where you stand, I got the impression that you do know yourself, very well in fact. At the risk of sounding cheesy, to know yourself you must know your faults. And that is evident in this piece. More than not knowing yourself, I feel you are confused about who you are or are becoming. Either way, this piece is effective and well thought out. Well done and thanks for commenting on my poem Blinkers! xxx
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