Neon signs flash
in multicolor.
Artificial rainbows
offuscate my eyes
in this magic world
where Alice's never been.
I wander and wonder
if they don't miss the stars.
Neon signs flash,
and I miss the place-
and the time-
where the moonbeams
served as city lights.
Author notes
allpoetry.com/Poem/1726436
Written November 8th, 2005
A contest entry
- New Reading Contest by macandrew.
300 points, ended January 12, 2006, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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amazing !
I am addicted to rainbows ... the real ones
and recently, I invited my husband to watch the nightsky and realize the difficulty to see the stars ... I deeply longed to live in a more recluse area, closer to nature, where, as you so wonderfully expressed it "the moonbeams serve as citylights" ...
delighted to meet you,
maa
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yes, there is nothing like the night sky, looking back in time, fascinating lonely moon ... so very nice here...
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Moon beams and neon lights.Has the world been changing?I am with Alice on this one.Wonderfully put!
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I miss my 'Lonavala' .. thats the nearest tiny hill station from my place.. but its like being transported to some other world altogether.. only that feels more home than the city- fogged greens or way too sunny but no neon lights, v few people and thankfully very less pollution..
Another write underlining your cuteness lol.. A true poem without imposing your personal intensity of feelings, yet at the same time descriptive of the topic and scene along with your view of it.. wonderful read as always
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Thanks! You look very pretty on that new photo
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This is odd coming from a city girl...wouldn't think you'd have such thoughts. I like the title...it's almost quite an indictment on what is wrong with the modern worls...at least when compared to nature.
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An excellent poem that finished very high in the contest standings. Love the Alice references.
thanks for entering.
John -
I so totally agree with all those applauds up there; a very interesting and intruiging poem, with such a beautiful amount of lovely images. where moonbeams serve as city lights... truly awesome line this is!
wonderful! simply stunning
Leander -
I found this to be quite an interesting read to say the least. I always like coming to a post that makes me sit back and seriously think about what I just read. Nicely done.
~ John
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Congratulations on winning a trophy. I don't have any trophies and I guess I never will if I don't enter any. Your poem is very, very.
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I like the night so I made it a point to read the winners of the contest 'nights in the city' ...congratulations, you're one of 'em.
This poem was very short but then by the phrase 'neon lights' I was instantly given a picture of how it might look like, at least in my mind. and I love that, you know, articulating ideas with very few words.
I think you kind of missed the rural here...I agree, and I also admit nature has its own beauty that artificials can never have.
This poem is absolutely light and wonderful. keep it up!
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I really liked the line "in this magic world/where Alice's never been." Sort of like this place is messed up, even more so than Alice's wonderland. Very true. I think that line really made the setting for the whole poem. Nice job!
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you encaptured so much image in such a short and concise poem. the images just spoke the poem for you! really excellent piece of writing...and a fantastic close!
I actually disagree to E A Collins' comments just above mine. this poem did exactly what it had to do. anything more would have been overstatement.
good luck in this contest--this poem rings like a winner!
Jo -
this is lovely, and you have stressed on neon lights, as the poem is on the same!!! i love the line, i wander and wonder... lovely piece! keep it up
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Nice nuance, but left me hungry for more.
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Never thought of it like a rainbow before. I think that's very creative!
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nice description of the city setting, very well worded. Interesting allusion you've made to Alice (in Wonderland).
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really nice
I hate the city...I want real rainbows, but this describe a city nicely your imagry is awsome! -
i like this poem. i know how you feel. i miss living out in the middle of nowhere but now i live in this stupid city. it sucks.. i love the poem though. it's very nice
-kitten- -
This was amazing -it was so short, and Im not sure how to respond - i know what im thinking and what i want to say but how to transform that into words ... (im so tired again this week that the screen is blurry in front of me ...) Anyway, just .. wow ... I jus had this image of a blinking neon sign (where some of the bulbs have died) swinging back and forth on a pole, acting as a false rainbow to give pretence of light .... and magic etc.
Fantastic - this poem will stay with me for a long time i think. -
Very elegantly written. I like the way you used neon signs to link it to the city. I remember looking up at the sky once when I was in the city and not being able to see the stars because of all the electric lights.
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I like the idea of falsities replacing natural wonders. It's very poetic. The idea of a nocturnal rainbow is also very intriguing. Brownie points for the reference to Alice in Wonderland too. It simply amazes me how much you've managed to get into such a small amount of space. Nicely done.
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There's a contest about color you should enter this in.
Edited on Nov 08, 2:45 p.m. because 'Typo'. -
I agree with Lapsus, it was very colorful in the beggining, like, with neon artificial rainbows, there was alot in that little amount.
I dont know if I fully understand it I may have to look again, great write. -
the syntactic paralelysm exposes even more the idea of the poem.It has the atmosphere of a dream place, a fairy tale and a scent of imaginary world.The title is fit and gives the impulse in reading the whole poem.Maybe if it was longer it could have spread a more consistent.vivid message.The word moonbeams changes all..it shows everything in a darker and mysterious light.All in all, it is a true coagulated work worth reading.
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I thought this was very beautifully done. As a society, we have gotten so far away from nature--to the point where people dont get to see the REAL stars at night, have never seen the Milky Way. There is the theory that the farther we get from nature, the more unhappy we are or will become as a society. Thank you for how well you expressed it.
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I really liked the reference to Alice in Wonderland. Comparing a city to a fairy tale. Both just as alien to the traveler.
Hmm..is there any wya to combine the two stanzas into one? I felt that the second one to be a bit anticlimactic. it just said what the first one had but did so with less force since the reader had been already introduced to the idea. Anyhow that's just how it felt to me.
Otherwise I thought that it was very elegantly expressed. The word choice was superb and the flow was great. Very well written. Bravo. -
This has vivid imagery and is very beautiful. Well done! I wish you best of luck in the contest, this is a qulaity write!
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Yes this is a captive piece, and oh where are the true rainbows gone. You have packed in a great deal of widsom with such a limited amount of words. Yet the imagery is vivdly displayed. Yoour title is a great choice. And your background speaks for itself.
Blessings
ICUlookn
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I miss the old lights myself.. the way times have changed.. sigh.. great work though =)
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Reminiscing of what used to be in this short verse, easy to read and understand. A different persepctive on the theme.
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Once upon a time it wasn't a city. Just wilderness, and those big city lights were the moon and stars twinkling overhead. Everything is progression I guess, and at some point it goes too far. Wilderness becomes a village. The village a town, the town a city, and at some point those who live them, at each point, long the passing of their way. It's a poem of longing and remembrance. It is powerful and damned good!
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There seems to be so much in these few lines, this poem certainly grabbed me and didn't let me go again. I really liked the images, especially in the first few lines - they were bright, vivid and creative, different to the norm yet very fitting. The wonderful choice of words as well as the awesome flow certainly added a lot as well.
The poem seems to go a circle, from neon lights flashing back to neon lights - the first stanza builds up the tension, the atmosphere and prepares for the ending, the second one just drives home the point perfectly. I often miss the stars in the city, you simply can't see them...
Every word, every line seems to be important and contribute a piece to the whole picture - I think that's what in me left this extremely smooth and "round" impression.
This certainly is a great poem, I love it! Thanks for entering!
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