An angel sits in a broken down stall
Hiding, shamed, building up a wall
Smoke filled air and pissed stained tile
An empty bottle of whiskey
And a stomach full of bile
She used to be all lace and curls
Daddy’s favorite little girl
She no longer feels worthwile
She's on the street
She's forgotten how to smile
An angel sits in a broken down stall
Hiding, shamed, building up a wall
Smoke filled air and pissed stained tile
An empty bottle of whiskey
And a stomach full of bile
She knows she's nothing but a whore
Only working for her next score
Author notes
This is just the start, I have in my head where I want to go with this piece, I just have to get it on the screen...
Written November 7th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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There are probably a lot of dreams that have gone this way in the street. This is well written. the chorus is good. yes, me thinks song here, not too many lines needed for it left as I think it is almost complete.
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This piece has some graphic immagery of this type of woman. It's like I can picture it in my mind. It's also a true piece because so many women turn to this lifestyle because they feel that they aren't worth anything to anybody. I'd love to read what the finished product will unveil.
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fallen amgels once heavenly sit under dark clouds of despair, both male and female of the species, cast down and wings broken by the wieght of the sorrows of earth......they clutter like dying flies on the spittle stained windowsill that overlooks where they once soared. greart write.....artis
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4 Stars ****
hello nice lady
.. this is a very nice poem..... and then it makes alot of sense.... well, sorry i didnt read you last time i dropped on your page, but it was late night at that time.. ... your poem, humn, touched me a little as i went through the last lines.. .. good work
take cares and have a nice time my dear friend... just keep it up... your humble little friend....
.... 
.... .... - vic ( who else? )
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I have a much harsher image in my head, but I would have to find one. I will check out google galleria foto.
Thank You so much for taking the time to read this piece, I truly appreciate as I have read your work and I think you are an amazing writer.
Anna -
Cool title and the content and style of the poem worked as it didnt try to reinvent the wheel but just emphasize ONE persons encounter with a vagabond and what they saw/felt without convoluting or detracting from the point which i saw as 'what if i wer ein their shoes'.
A thought i have on these urban nomads is that their gold is the sunlit streets and freedom and though they wear rags they wear the elements of nature in all its bittersweet glory and social scourges of ignorance.
Good contemplative write.
PS I thik a harsher image as a background would suit the tone of th epoem better, for some contemporary images google galeria foto the artwork on their is second to none.
Edited on Nov 09, 7:14 because ''. -
this is really sad. very beautiful and haunting words. i love the flow and emotions in this. great poem! keep on writing!
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i really like this piece! i love the message that it sends, it's so heartbreaking, especially when this happens to so many young girls. wonderful write and please keep up the great work!
~Arachne
♠
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Great job, I can't wait to read it when it's complete! Keep doing such great work!
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you know, I didn't pick up that it was written of more than one person, but it's interesting to me that you did. definitely give me a ring over here when the poem is complete, OK? this idea of a collection of personalities into a single character image in one poem is fascinating to me!
Jo -
Thank you wbiro for your comment...The ending will realldy depend on who I am thinking of at the time, as this encompasses so many different young girls that have found themselves in this situation.
Anna -
Thank you Jo for taking the time to read this. It is about more than one person I have known in my life.
Anna -
Very tragic so far, where you are headed with it no one can tell, for there are as many tragic endings as happy ones to choose from! and the tragedy of the shame which for many is for that was beyond their control...
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i read your poem and the author's comments and it does feel to need more. just a little more in the way of the close, because it feels you have already outlined a pretty set image of this person in the reader's mind. it's just how she became what she is or her situation is what the reader needs to be drawn more closely to. good luck finishing this up, and I'd love to read it again when it's complete.
Jo
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