The Wonderful Outlook On Life Of Tiki Cat

Yes, I am perfect, don't you know,
But I try not to let it show.
As long as humans buy my food
I'll put up with all of you.

Of course there are special cases
Of some folks in special places.
No food of mine goes to New York.
Most humans there don't eat pork.

I put pigs in all my things.
Put in anything with wings.
Put in anything at all,
It's up to me, it is my call.

I put in things that I don't like
Or things I find on turnpikes.
They are cheap and already dead.
It's up to me, like I said.

You never know what you'll be eating.
That's why it's good, but don't be cheating
By asking me my recipe (like some I know)
Those who do have got to go.

Into my recipe they will be
How good they taste we'll have to see.
One thing I do know for sure,
It will then no longer be pure.

I guess I will not really do that
To avoid with humans a spat.
I understand they do not go
For each other, but how would they know?

I won't tell what I put in
They won't know what might have been.
If they had just behaved toward me,
In my stew they would not be.

Tiki Cat

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There is a lesson here for all.
If Tiki ever comes to call
Don't ever let her in your house
She's looking for more than a mouse!


At your house she'll proceed very politely
Hiding a gun she has loaded quietly,
A gun that when shot won't hurt a lot.
What it does is cover you with snot.

Cat snot collects over many lifetimes.
It's worse than human's by nine times,
Cats do live nine times as fast.
By the time something's coming -- it's past.

So we move nine times faster than you.
When you start -- they're already through.
People are nothing but a drag on cats.
The best we can do is admire their acts.

Ellis

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I ALWAYS Behave Myself

I behave myself best when I'm asleep.
Then I sell sheep to Little Bo Peep.
I ate the spider that sat down beside her,
She thanked me, and now I confide in her.

I tell her of people like you
Who tell me to behave.
Nothing you say about me is ever true!
Shut up!  You are my slave!

Tiki Cat

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To a Customer of Tiki Cat

All Right! I KNOW you are my FRIEND.
I'll sell you 10 cases for $200 to spend.
(I won't reduce the price - cause you weren't very nice.)
3 cans per case; you can't beat that!
For the GOURMET CAT FOOD of Tiki Cat!

Tiki Cat
"We are extra good to our FRIENDS"

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To Tiki Cat,

3 cans is a mighty small case
I'm a small cat, but that's no disgrace.
But, I'll pay if you'll wait till payday.
Go ahead and ship it, don't delay!
Please forgive my bitter humor
That I'm mean is just a rumour.
I can't help it, haven't felt it,
The confusion is just from being human!

Cats are cool in my book.

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Dear Customer,

When all is said and I am through,
Ellis and I just make do.
Even though our things are few,
We are happy and never blue,
Cause every day holds something new!

Tiki Cat

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Customer's Reply:

Wonderful outlook on life, Tiki.