color streaks a night-painted sky
efflorescence of movement...
a bursting,
slick and bright,
as he digs in deeper,
his fingers slipping between prison bars and grasping.
there's something there for him,
something for him to smother,
to squeeze till beating stops and what's warm grows cold.
the moon looms over him,
casting swollen eyes down upon him,
raping him with light too harsh
for such sublime motions.
elsewhere, there's a chime;
its faint murmurs echo between his ears,
catching his attention for just a moment,
drawing him away from the familiar pain
that rests just behind that marrow cage.
the chimes tug at the frayed ends of his emotions,
reminding him just how raw he is,
how the bleeding still runs internal.
on the backs of his eyelids
he can just make out pale faces,
mouths upturned in snarls
or smiles
or ecstasy.
he can't remember any more,
can't forget either,
not entirely.
in the deepest crevices of his mind
ghost traces remain:
a voice, a taste, a touch.
it won't leave him yet,
but digs in deeper,
slipping between the bars of the cage
and piercing,
piercing deep,
far beyond the reach of his twisting fingers.
it aches,
whatever throbs inside that prison;
it rends him with every beat.
steady, steady, steady;
a contrast to his heavy breathing,
to the sobs that, even now, he so longs to give in to.
pain and pain and pain
is such a beautiful anesthetic,
given enough time.
it's numbed him, froze him;
his fingers are blue and stiff with its chill,
his breath hangs in front of him, dancing...
he thinks that maybe he's caught it,
and his whole being is charged
as he wraps his fingers round the beast and pulls, pulls...
pulls straight through bony prison bars,
till white splinters cut into his fist,
pierce the beast,
and annoy him with their tiny stings.
there's a moment,
when he holds it up to the moon,
and silver light shines down,
making everything holy in that one hallow moment...
there's a moment, when he smiles to himself,
gurgling softly as the beast bleeds down his wrist,
that the pain is gone.
utterly, completely...
gone.
and he smiles to himself, squeezing the beast to stillness,
and he remembers the pale faces, he remembers their smiles.
his mind clears...
in that moment under the night,
holding his heart in his hand,
he remembers the voice, the taste, the touch,
and he knows them as the root of the pain.
with the moon burning his eyes and searing exposed flesh,
he smiles,
and does not regret.
Author notes
Bah. I think I could have done better on the ending, but this was one of those spur-of-the-moment, stream-of-consciousness things. I didn't elaborate on it as much as I intended to, but this is a love poem. (Belive or not.) It's just one of those 'lost love, tormented lover' love poems. Whether this guy actually killed himself, or if the ripping out of his own heart was merely metaphorical...well, that's up to you, dear reader. I think a lot of this is repetition though, so I'm going to have to go back through later and trim the poem down a bit, maybe cover the love aspect more. Meh.
But anyway, the two lines I used are the very first two, and they come from my old, old, old poem 'lost.' (Can be found here: allpoetry.com/Poem/543864.) I hope that's different enough for ya...
Written November 4th, 2005
A contest entry
- Out with the old in with the new by Alien Bob.
300 points, ended November 29, 2005, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wow, that's a bit eerie, lol. I would agree with you on the 'weirding out' bit, but frankly, I think I'm just used to it now. (Which is weird in and of itself.) Athankyou for the nice comments, however. I love twisting marrow cells... ^^
(Also, you'd be surprised how delighted I was to hear from you. I feel somewhat guilty for neglecting the group-thinger, but I haven't really had anything interesting to add, lol. Though the add-line rather amuses me...)
(Also, also: Is your quote the Brokeback Mountain tagline? *can't wait for that movie ohmigawd*) -
so wait, can i submit more than one poem, then? (probably won't, just making sure.) i could write a duet of sorts. heh heh.
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Your ending could have been, for lack of a better word, "different". And the only reason I'm saying this is because your ending here creeped me out. Way back in my early teens, I used to be very fond of the term "no regrets", enough to want it to be the motto I live by. It's all gone bollocks now, really, but the point is, I didn't expect it to be here--packing a secret punch just for me. Becky, you weird me out. Maybe I weird you out too, huh? How many people in the world, separated by thousands of miles, can actually say that to each other, eh?
On all accounts, this way a nicely written poem. It managed to twist my marrow cells with its oh-so-subtly barbed prose. My hairy hat is off to you here, seriously. -
You could use 2 lines from another poem to write a new one fro a different point of veiw of this one. The rule was it had to be different from the old poem not different from a new one
.
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ah, good. ^^ i hadn't really thought of freedom in such a direct sense, but more of a freedom from pain, which resulted from the unrequited love, lover's death, whatever. interpretation is up to the reader, no?
(also, slightly off-topic: whenever i write something like this, i always end up with the urge to write the 'other side of the story,' or perhaps write the beginning, since i obviously came in right at the end. because from this point of view, it appears that this guy's the victim, but i always just want to go and completely switch everything around; make him out to be the bad guy, whatever. i dunno, maybe i'm just being weird. -_-)
ps: oh yeah? well, horsepants to you, mister. -
Greatness
I did see how it is a love poem. I didnt take it as a love lost I took it as a love for freedom and how he is killing himself by trying so hard to be free even though he is in that cage. almost as though the love for freedom drove him to metiphoricly or literally rip his own heart out. I loved the discrpitiveness especially of his emotions. it was a very intereing and unique take on love and you followed the rules so go you lol good luck lady.
p.s.
GOOGLE!
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