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Crimson Hue

Thorns drip with a crimson hue
once again as they slash tender flesh
Scarlet that has been collected fresh
from the thorns ripping through

Stained with that which I cannot undo
Tainted with lifeblood, unable to mesh
Thorns drip with a crimson hue
once again as they slash tender flesh

The beautiful blossom hides from you
that which is deadly; no more, no less
Guilt and regret brings me forgiveness,
but cannot stop what thorns are meant to do
Thorns drip with a crimson hue...

Author notes

Okay...I like this rondel a lot. I think this one is the best out of them all. ABba abAB abbaA rhyme.

Please give me your honest opinion.
Written November 3rd, 2005

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    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Rose Dark Thorn gold member
    November 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Useless, but FUN! It's easier to rhyme easy rhyming words. *nods*

  • Victoria of Aragon
    November 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh! Oh! OH! OHHOHOHOHOHOHO! .. *Giggle.* Yeah. I'm done with my "OH"ing. o o;;

    I have inspiredddd youuuu.. Again! Fear me and my. .Ways of encouragement? OF UTTERLY USELESS POETRY FORMATS! *Proud grin; ganstuh pose.*

    Seriously, though.. I like this one a lot. o o; I haven't read the other two yet, BUT I WILL! You know why? YEP; it's 'cause I love you, and we're.. "rad", as some of the more "hip" children are saying. o o;;

  • Rose Dark Thorn gold member
    November 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Do you mean you don't like the form? Heh...well, I have to admit that it is a little odd, but I like it. This is my best one so far. Thank you for your comment.

  • Elrenia
    November 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice, but I do not like the scheme. Nothing with your words, they are beautiful and you have done a great job, just too erratic for my tastes. You have stated your point with good imagery. And, I can feel your emotions. Overall, very well done.
    Thank you for sharing.

  • Rose Dark Thorn gold member
    November 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    How do I get good? Ahem...

    PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE

    I did write three in a row.

    You should try them. They're actually pretty cool to write. Don't feel bad if your first one kinda sucks either. Mine did.

  • Yunaleska gold member
    November 4, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yay yay YAY!!! I love love LOVE this one!!! How do you get so good at these styles, ey? *jealous* It is the best of them all, I think. You adapt beautifully, Rose and this is amazing work.
1 - 6 of 6