haphazard hobo reeking dollar store mouthwash
sorting through the garbage blown to the corner
of your storage shed housing
scaring fine folks with your mere existence
cant have you rummaging through the throw aways
you might get something they dont want
or impede the filling of land out west of town
dumpster diving menace on society
winter nights seem kinder than passers by
who rip their carelessly thrown
cigarette butts so you wont smoke them
smokings bad for you, you know
no form, no rhyme
no reason
Author notes
Minimal punctuation intended. Honest critique invited.
Written November 3rd, 2005
In a list
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 85 of 85
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Wicked wicked wicked
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lol..that was a very unexpected poem..not at all what i expected..lol..but..it is pure..simple..an true..i like it..a interesting analysis of those people "haphazard hobo"
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Thanks so much for the comment. It really tickles me when someone actually --gets-- the ending. To me, there really is --no form, rhyme, or reason to the way people treat a lot of the homeless people I see. Thanks again for commenting
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reads well
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I like this alot, the style is great. Im not a fan of rhyme and form because alot of folks dont use them properly, myself included. This spun me around because I was expecting a different ending, maybe one of those "they cant see the beauty within" type things so you can imagine my elation when that didnt happen, not becuase I dont care about these things but because you have written reality here, they way society really is, our well crafted blinders will never allow us to see anything good in something deemed socially unacceptable. great write, have another happy guy.
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Beautifully harsh
This is really powerful and made me feel slightly uncomfortable although I can't really put my finger on exactly why that was. I tend to prefer poetry that has a rhyme, but I can see that if there was a rhyme or form here you would need a reason to go with it so it would be completly inappropriate! Very clever final line.
LB -
I think I like the first line the best, this is a very powerful stab at people who treat homeless people inhumanely. It also points out the hypocrasy and inherent disassociation in such treatment. The last part of it, the part you base the title on, seems to be the least powerful or poignant part, because throughout the entire poem you are specific in your comments up until the end.
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Cool poem!
Nothing else to add. Ok, I'll try. It's well written, it's easy to read except for the first line and it's got a message!
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this is good. hard to understand, but that may be just me. i like it overall. you are rebellious, ppl like that, i guess. good job at describing life on the street, and i like this line:
"winter nights seem kinder than the passers by"
good job at wording that, it draws attention. be prud of this, everyone likes it. good job, and keep up the good work
-sethigirl
(a random poet)
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Just as impactive the second time around.
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sweet i like this are you against upscale people...?? (
)) lol ne ways i know i dont like people with alot of money most of the time for the exact reason that they treat people with less as if they dont exist...very nicely writen and said i dont think i could have said it better myself
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i sorri i cant be diplomatic right now i want to die but it was a nice poem lol
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nice poem
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Great descriptions. wonderful poetry. could be a little more sympathetic. but I like this perspective too.
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Amazing
Amazing job. The best poem I have read in along time. So discriptive and intreging. But the best part of it is it makes you think. Thank you for sharing and if you don't mind I'm going to add you to my favorites -
excellent
What a well expressed honest and realistic poem. A great sadness comes across in your words. Thank you for sharing such a well worthwhile poem..Unique in it's way. So important to understand . Thanks for writing you have much to say of importance, -
Really wonderful work!!
I love the insight and expression of
pain...Keara -
nice nuggert
a great mental deflection
the first line - i had to re read several times... doing this
imparted the flavour
i felt sad - socialy responsible
and happy that we have the freedom to be homeless and rummage... sad that the reality of this is rejection.. dismissal...
but increasingly - fenses.. and padlocs ensure that any opotunety for thrift... the casm between rich enough and not... full and hungry grows... ahhh would that someone could impede the filling of the land out west of town...
in England... weve been building like mad ever since we invented the industrial revolution... i can really see the easter island effect here... extinction unwrapping its sinister head on every hectere of wasted land
the finality of car lots...
if that land... were only the west.. and not programmed to the 4 corners...
and pity we dont have more waste pickers... with waste picker homes and pallaces
flip it arround - in my head you did
respek
peace
Edited on Nov 26, 3:05 p.m. because ''. -
This is good... So how do we go about ending dumpster divers?? They may scare us but why? Did we throw away a knife that they are going to use on us? Not like likely, afraid they will run up and give us a hug with their filthy clothes?? Not likely... They are just out of the norm and they bother us. So how do we end them? No reason. Only questions.
Edited on Nov 26, 3:03 p.m. because ''. -
i like this, very descriptive...AND SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU ALL YOU POET SMOKERS SHAME ON YOU YOU QUIT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!! sorry i hate smokers...so gross and when you breathe in second hand smoke it can kill you too...it's like go ahead kill yourself but why kill us???!!! ya sorry...but this is good...
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i like your view of how we all look at the homeless guys going through the trash - thats what ppl think - trash.yay homeless dudes!
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Good job
This poem reads well and the story is a real one. We look down on people because they don't meet our requirements. Sometimes the life style is one of choice, but usually people are there because of something that went wrong. I have been blessed with many things in life and only by the shear grace of God I am not one of the people that you write about! -
You have the guts to speak your mind
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i have seen and been just like this and this kicks royal ass.
I commend you highly.
peace
justine -
Very good
Bravo and deserves to be the top of the list here on AP I will return to applaud.I think we should all take a good look at society and not just at thanksgiving.There should be no homeless in America regardless of whether they may have mental issues.I could rant on about world poverty etc but you get the picture.Outstanding work
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awsome
awsome -
great poem
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I am glad I read this. This poem is quite amazing and has such fine tuned poetic devices I can't help but smile. These are but the follies of human nature. And we do not wish to share. great job at capturing the emotion the satric voice. Enjoed it emmensely.
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That was a really enjoyable read. Unfortunately all too true, look forward to more depictions....
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greatt
hott!!! this is a really tight ass poem. -
this is a really sweet write..i liked it alot
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amazing
holy shit...this has to be one of the best poems i've ever read. seriously. -
Thanks for your comments, though you hardly give me much to go on as to what you find unsatisfactory with the poem. While I don't feel that an author is entirely responsible for the reader --getting it-- . I would be happy to hear your elaborations as to what you didnt like and how the poem could be improved.
Again, thanks for the input. -
wow, that was wonderful, it make you really think...
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very well done
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Very good its a great poem keep up the good work hope you will write more.
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simply brilliant. keep up the good writing thumbs up
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yay
Awesome poem! Just amazing... and I really love the beginning. I REALLY REALLY REALLY think you should use capitalization and puntuation, it's just better in form and keeps the mind set on the right path. Some people's minds will run lines together thaT you don't want to be run together... TELL your reader HOW to read this poem. It will help in quality, trust me. PLEASE, check out my poem Toy Hammer: allpoetry.com/Poem/1503802 ... it is A LOT like this
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I am trying to find the words to commend you on this....wow. So powerful and moving....bra-freakin-vo!
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:FAwsome
WOW beautiful.
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Very nice work, this poem works really well. -Al
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Wow, I really like this. The minimalist form and punctuation works really well given the minimalist existence many homeless people are forced to lead. You have a lot of very thoughtful ideas in here too. Nice job, very nice job.
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very thought provoking poem Thistle and excellent close. My only suggestion is to breakdown the closing to three lines as follows for dramatic effect:
no form,
no rhyme...
no reason.
overall, a really good poem sending a clear message as to society's issue as to homelessness. I truly appeciated this read.
Jo -
well, this is the very best I've read on site. Well done!
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good
this is very well written. it gave me something to really be thankful for. keep up the great work. -
You're right on and I'm really glad there was no rhyme or reason.
The phrasing helped paint the picture. Right from the homeless point of view.
I have a question thoug
In the first stanza you set the tone. The question is are you speaking to the people who "have" about the hobo, or are you speaking to the hobo about the "have" folks? The word "your" before "storage shed housing..." says it's the hobo's storage. The next line seems to speak to the homeless guy, since he's scaring the folks with his "mere existence."
haphazard hobo reeking dollar store mouthwash
sorting through the garbage blown to the corner
of your storage shed housing
scaring fine folks with your mere existence
I'm wondering if "their" would be a good word before "storage shed housing." Why I offer this is because your powerful piece is an indictment against those who dismiss this character because his existence reminds people of their short comings in allowing this kind of thing to happen. Almost a societal level of denial
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great poam keep up the good work.
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good poem
Loved the poem but don't know anyone who dumpster dives -
I think this is a really well written piece. You wrote no form no rhyme no reason but I think that this is one of those pieces that transcends form. I have a friend that used to leave sandwiches and things at the top of her bin for the local homeless man but if she didn't take a bite out of them he wouldn't eat them. Go figure I never understood that myself. I really enjoyed your piece. Powerful subject matter that you weren't afraid to address. Well done and keep up the good work
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No reason by thistle may give a good veiw point of poeple on the streets coming in and eating trash but if you have nothing this may be something for them. I mean think about it they must be out there for a reason not being able to fend for themselves or anything i mean they don't have anything like we do
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YAY! This piece has an awesome message... Loved it
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Wow!
I am glad you thought to write about something doing with society!
A very in-depth and discriptive piece.
I loved it! -
Wow, this speaks VOLUMES>>>>>>>>>>>>>SO MUCH TRUTH SPOKEN HERE............you did a wonderful job.....love it.........Doc
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Thanks so much for the comment. I think the same attitude can be seen even scattered throughout the comments in various places. Though my response to the topic has been predominately one of empathy and compassion, it interests me to see those who still view these people as a menace unworthy of even their trash. I think it is sometimes hard for people to view a social eye sore without a twinge of fear that it could be us instead of them. Thanks for sharing your insite
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Great message! I love the way the last line ties the title back into the body of the piece. Once again, expertly written! Gosh, it's been so long since I heard something like this! I could feel the smoke sting my eyes, taste the cappucino, and envision watching you on a platform across a dimly lit room full of bookcases and overstuffed sofas and chairs. Great stuff, Thistle! Thanks for the enjoyable read--and for bringing back all those memories.
Sheryl -
woah thats defrently good work, original in every meaning of the word, but u have good flow, i like it alot, they dont want you rummaging through their throw aways
you might get something they dont want
or impede the filling of the land out west of town
dumpster diving menace on society
winter nights seem kinder than the passers by
who insure the ripping of their carelessly thrown
cigarette butts so you wont smoke them
smokings bad for you, you know
no form, no rhyme
no reason
i like that part the best, keep up the work! -
Best poem so far today. I like the imagery of the dollar store mouthwash and the insight into the attitudes of the 'haves' with regard to the 'have nots'. Strange to think that the hobo is the local representative of the poor and the underclass across the world. Good thing people don't have to look at them so they can avoid thinking about them. Excellent. vic
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This is different and i like it! There are too many out on the streets that live this lifestyle and no one seems to give a crap about them! I liked this; told it like it is!
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strong
very true and succinctly put -
good poem
intersting poem, I know folks who dumpster dive as a way to make ends meet, it is sad... so much is thrown away that someone could use.. why not give it away, I know one reason its not good to dive for things is you may get hurt looking threw it all..... -
no reason by Thistle gives a personal veiw on the people that infest our communitys and do not care about harming themselfs aswell.
Signed Laura xxxxxxxx -
Was here before-wonderful write.
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I LOVE this so much, its very original, and well written. I loved "...reeking dollar store mouthwash", that was bloody brilliant! amazing job.
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Morning thistle, this was an amazingly power write. Not critiquing the style, because I believe that has it own merits. Bur this piece has power and more so when we think of the season that we are in. Dumpster diving menace or ripping of their carelessly thrown cigarette butts are especially pungent statements. As if we are denying their existence of even the possibility of their existence out of our shame of their existence. I hope I made all that clear. I really enjoyed this piece my friend. Image and Visions.
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This is a good little powerful read. Full of truth and uncomfortable realism.
A couple spots in this stand out to me.
"they dont want you rummaging through their throw aways
you might get something they dont want"
While this first line is strong and meaningful, the second line gets a bit bogged into itself. Perhaps you could use a more definitive word to delineate the line more. Instead of get/find? Something that doesn't blend it all together.
also, I would eliminate the "the" before passers by. Tighten the read up just a bit. Definitely good reading though and am glad I chose to open this, of yours, today.
thanks for sharing. -
i'll remember this poem if i ever catch a hobo going through my garbage. perhaps i'll shout it at him. but in all seriousness, i liked it. very good description of a part of society that not many people discuss here. nice.
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No rummaging through their stuff, you might get something they don't want, scarred by your existence. Wow, this is a bit of reality that some feel. The dumpster is the shopping mall for some folks and their are no windows, might as well get in and look around. I notice the bridge arches are their hotel rooms for the night.
Interesting poem with a subject many wish to just...not think about. Thanks for sharing. -
Awesome poem!!! I like the way you describe those less fortunate than us. Because it is sad to see people like this. If I had the money I would help them all in some way. Keep up the awesome poetry!!!
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sorry, i didnt really enjoy the read, but good attempt...
Melpomene -
excellent and deep
I do not consider myself a professional " critiquer" of any write ( regardless of the fact that I know how to do it and how to pull one off)Being that I am also merely an amateur writer .....I critique the same way( any other way just takes the " personal" out of it. Anyway , personally I loved your write ( on the merits alone that I was touched by it) and also that it seems to have that well thought out visual of that man , and the somewhat scyinical vieuw of todays society ( the have and the have nots) and how possessive the ones that have , but they no longer want can still be about someonr that might benefit from something that they have discarded and probably will never miss
We do live in a sad society indeed and as I said .....you captuerd it without having to write an entire book. (sometimes less is definitely more)
Reenie
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A good showcase of how words aer used to inform and relate.
Darling write
Lots of philia,
D.Thoures -
Wow, this is so good...amazing!
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if i had the power to-i'd close every uncloothed one, feed every unfed one, and give love to every unloved one.
this poem has expressed a lot of feelings i would know how to express on my own...great poem
keep on writing
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I enjoyed the poem. The first verse was definitely the best - and the first line is really fine. Has a Ginsberg feel to it. I didn't really see what the final lines added to it.
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Very intense! I was at the airport as I missed a flight and was harassed by a homeless guy. I didn't know he was homeless until I filed a report with the police there. So, I treated him as I would any other person. But anyway, you did an awesome job!
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ok
dude i've never found mouthwash in the garbage can but ok whatever floats your boat. -
Pretty
My dear Thistle,
An Inspiring Message well placed in to the viewer's hearts !
Awesome flow of hard truth,outstanding Public welfare theme !
Society's need of the hour flows like a fountain of your hearts!
Gr8twork.keep moving more and enlighten the social cause my dear
subbu (purefriendship) -
powerful
wow i really like this piece it shows how we belittle those who aren't as fortunent i was homeless once so i know what its like amazing write though! -
This kinda sucks. I dont get it at all. Try harder
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i like it. i like how there is no rhyme or reason to it yet it all has a centralized subject. i also loved how you told the cold hard truth about the treatment of the bums by society. nice job and keep it up.
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This flowed so well from line to line, without any punctuation. Don't usually like this,but there was no problem reading or understanding this at all just the way it is. Some profound statement you make here, that should make us feel badly about how we treat certain segments of the population - who's to say who is better. Good thought provoking write.
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Thanks so much for your take on the poem. As it was intended to provoke thought in the reader, I am glad it did so I so appreciate the comments.
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thought provoking, insightful.
It seems that people are frightened by the unknown, and the homeless can leave them with fear. Perhaps it is a guilty fear because they "have", and the homeless "have not." People fear what they do not understand. That is why they 'rip' their cigarette buts, and fear what may be found in their own rubbish.
This poem has left me with questions to answer, thoughts about social injustices and the fear we can have of the oppressed who have no form, no rhyme and no reason. -
The last two lines are in reference to the ridiculousness of treating the homeless as if they are taking something from us. It turns the poem from a description into a statement, so to speak. Lol, I wasnt doing option 2, thus, no stifle
Thanks so much for giving me your impressions. I appreciate the comment. -
Heeyyy I like this! The feelings of being homeless seem very well portrayed. It looks like you captured option 2 in this as well, if only you used the word 'stifle'! I didn't understand the end though, "no form, no rhyme, no reason" it kind of put me off a little.
-S.
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