Eyes follow the young maiden
Waist-length hair floats down her back.
Body looks fragile.
The brown eyes,
searching the dense woods.
Curiosity suffocates her.
No one suspects this fragile girl
to dissappoint.
Bowed heads,
waves from gentlemen
as she walks by.
No man dares touch her,
feeling she will break in their very hands.
Girl longing for hands to embrace her,
hold her in place.
Legs floating to the mysterious forest.
No thoughts,
breathing falling slowly.
Eyes are following her,
but only a pair.
First steps in the woods
seem her first breath.
Long skirts dragging across the floor.
Twigs ripping fabric.
Footsteps residing behind.
Following the maiden's tracks,
staring at the brown hair being grabbed
by the trees, by the sky.
Oblivious.
Trees scratching her upper arms,
still oblivious.
Mind clouds with independence,
with wonderment.
A loud shot in the woods,
heard by the young man
not by the oblivious girl.
Shouts from madmen.
Shots firing as they see her long
brown skirts.
Man starts running.
A gunshot flies towards the maiden
straight at her heart.
~~~To be continued~~~~
Author notes
I've never done a suspense...but that seems fun yes?? And by the way, I can describe gun shots if I do so wish.
The second part - allpoetry.com/Poem/1693832
Written November 2nd, 2005
A contest entry
- ALL PREWRITES - NO I's by Vera Rich.
300 points, ended February 14, 2006, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Bloody Hell
Please don't let her be dead 
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AY!! is this for writers' club??? it's good... i wish i could do suspense... I really really like this. You leave just enough questions unanswered so that it's not confusing but i still want to know what's going on... you're good at this. you should write more. lol wanna write my suspense story for me?
good job, kasey. LYLAS
-aleicia -
wow, that was excellentttttt. I AM ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!
haha no really though, I liked this a lot. Yay for tons of detail... especially the parts about like twigs pulling at her & getting all scratched up.
and what about this mysterious man following her? will he be the hero & save her from the gun?
dun dun dun...! -
Actually..dont' know if she's dead, because it goes straight at her heart but it never said it hit her heart. Dun dun duuunn.
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She's dead right, I mean shot through the heart kills people right? Will it be a who-dun-it? That pair of eyes following her, what will the young man do? OOOOO The suspense
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lol, Kaz I like it. It reminds me of Snow White, in a way. I want to read the next one.
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ooo. good suspense. you are going to continue this right? lol I wanna know what happens!
btw the girl you described reminds me a lot of a girl in the book series I'm reading.
but anyways good job! I order you to post the next part soon.
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