The dawn set’s after the concert ends in the hall.
The king and queen of the castle were having a royal ball.
The citizens were too busy dancing under the mist of the cerulean sky
To noticed a web being built under the canopy near by.
Mrs. weeping willow is all too tranquil as she spins her web alongside a table decorated with centerpieces.
In the middle of the centerpiece is a chalice.
Weeping willow spin’s down the wall and lands on something shiny that breaks her fall.
A Chalice she presumes is what she will now call her home. She builds her new home under the twilight at the ball.
Weeping willow foxtrots without restraint alongside the edge of the chalice.
She listens to the mellifluous playing Cellos in the hall. The weeping willow knows her destiny all to well.
For darkness will break her joyful spell.
Weeping willow believes that the cello players will think her web was a phantasm and that weeping willows do not exists in this castle at all.
Then some one takes her centerpiece tosses it at bay for this spider had a really good day until her splash at the bay.
Author notes
A a new poet this is my first tempt at contest like this. I really am not interested in winning all that much although that would be awsome. I am more concern if I done this right and what changes should be made. Thanks for reading 
Written October 31st, 2005
A contest entry
- YAY!! ITS A WORD BANK/PICTURE CONTEST!!! by BeautifullyxTragic.
300 points, ended November 1, 2005, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Nice!
Deep and thought-provoking!
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good effort here
i never kill spiders, I have a device that captures them alive and then I can release them outside, they ser ve many purposes as one did here in your poem, lovely tale of woe....Artis
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Interesting story poem. Those word list contests can be hard, huh? I just wanted to return the favor of a critique, so please don't take offense to my nitpicky editorial comments, ok?)
"The dawn set’s after the concert ends in the hall."
"set's" would be possessive. You want a verb "sets"
"Weeping willow spin’s down" here also you've turned a verb into a possessive. You want to say "spins".
Remember, just because a word ends in an S doesn't mean it needs an apostrophe!
So you named the spider "Weeping Willow"? Sounds like a name for a pet tarantula, actually. LOL. Do you actually mean Black Widow? Just wondering.
"all to well." what you want here is "too"
" weeping willows do not exists" you want to say "exist" because they're being described as a group here.
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Well done
I didn't notice the spelling mistakes, but then I don't notice mine either. I was so wrapped up in the tale of the spider, and her wonderful web and the chalice...that for a moment I forgot I am terrified of spiders. Oh the Chills....
I loved your poem, even though it was about spiders. Dee
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Could use a little work and you had a few spelling mistakes but other than that I love it. Keep writing girl because you do it well I love you!
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This is a really interesting story, and the ending was a surprise! Excellent job using the words too!
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