Weeping willow
The dawn set’s after the concert ends in the hall. The king and queen of the castle were having a royal ball.
The citizens were too busy dancing under the mist of the cerulean sky to noticed a web being built under the canopy near by.
Mrs. weeping willow is all too tranquil as she spins her web alongside a table decorated with centerpieces. In the middle of the centerpiece is a chalice
Weeping willow spin’s down the wall and lands on something shiny that breaks her fall. A Chalice she presumes is what she will now call her home. She builds her new home under the twilight at the ball.
Weeping willow foxtrots without restraint alongside the edge of the chalice.
She listens to the mellifluous playing Cellos in the hall. The weeping willow knows her destiny all to well.
For darkness will break her joyful spell.
Weeping willow believes that the cello players will think her web was a phantasm and that weeping willows do not exists in this castle at all.
Then some one takes her centerpiece tosses it at bay for this spider had a really good day until her splash at the bay.
Author notes
was trying to use words for a contest to see if I could do it. I did but not sure if I like it yet?
Written October 31st, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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welldone
good work, keep writting -
I like this. I know your still learning more about poetry and how to write them so I try and help you with every chance I get. Here is a tip: When you write poems put the first line on the first line and the second line on the second line and so fourth and so on.. The way you have it written, it looks more like a story and it makes it harder to comprehend what you are writing because people don't know what to think or expect. For example- Instead of writing it in the story form like you have it, write it like this and it will look MUCH better:
The dawn set’s after the concert ends in the hall.
The king and queen of the castle were having a royal ball.
The citizens were too busy dancing under the mist of the cerulean sky >>> (Put on one line.)
To noticed a web being built under the canopy near by.
Mrs. weeping willow is all too tranquil as she spins her web alongside a table decorated with centerpieces.
In the middle of the centerpiece is a chalice.
Weeping willow spin’s down the wall and lands on something shiny that breaks her fall.
A Chalice she presumes is what she will now call her home. She builds her new home under the twilight at the ball.
Weeping willow foxtrots without restraint alongside the edge of the chalice.
She listens to the mellifluous playing Cellos in the hall. The weeping willow knows her destiny all to well.
For darkness will break her joyful spell.
Weeping willow believes that the cello players will think her web was a phantasm and that weeping willows do not exists in this castle at all.
Then some one takes her centerpiece tosses it at bay for this spider had a really good day until her splash at the bay.
You get the point. I couldn't really show you here because the sentences are too long. Try to shorten your sentences as well. Alright, I hope I was of some help. If you want to know more of what I am talking about look at some of my poetry and how they are written. Other than that little mistake, I LOVE this and you did a great job! I love you Mandy! Happy Halloween! -
i like it good flow
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