Forgiveness fell upon it's knees
seeing the broken earth,the disease
the lies behide the smug smiles
the hate you see within the eyes
on clifftops high the sky was bright
the stars all gathered round
silence up there no sound
on feilds of green
the crops have withered
the cattle lay weak
this year the winters bleak
one man to love yet many to hate
together united but where did they go?
to club devastation on a world we know
Forgiveness fell on it's face
deep in mud the ozone break
the sun burning and tears still falling
as the children take to crime
drugs to sniff, pills to pop
houses burnt to the ground
on oceans blue the water so clear
the waves still crashing over and over
one man to love so many to fear
join in and give the world it's fate
together united but where did they go?
to club devastation on a world we know
Forgiveness gave in it's all but died
surronded by selfish arrogant pride
happy to kill or ruin the land
no more walking together hand in hand
each man fights to survive the day
join together in fright
to obtain their own way
saddness on a once beautiful earth
corrupt and spoiled
one man to love many to hate
together united where did it all go?
to the club of destruction on a world we know
Author notes
ONE MAN'S CRAP IS SOMEONE ELSE'S POETRY
OPTION 1
Written October 31st, 2005
In a list
- Hall of Fame-Trophy Winners of My Contests • next in list
- Brave Souls--Entries In Contests I Have Held • next in list
A contest entry
- Delicate Sound of Thunder by Violet Moodswing.
300 points, ended November 2, 2005, 2 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Excellent
Wow...There's not much more I can say really just...Wow.
Poems like this usually turn out cliché and borring, but this was written wonderfully. Truely amazing.
I'll be reading more of your work soon I hope,
<3 Rae -
thankyou so much for the comment, it's abit all over the place as it was a straight write to screen! sort of worked though thanks lol abigailxxxxxxxx
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This was an amazing piece. So vivid but at the same time so unorganised in the way the story is told. It's almost as if you don't know where to look, kind of like we all are on a day to day basis. It's a very moving piece and it raised all my senses and really made me think. well done
Cirsten -
thanks i tried so hard with this one as i'm dying to get a trophy even just a bromze will do!! so your writing a novel, well done i love to write stories but don't think i could do a novel, how's it coming on? do you hope to get it published? well good luck and i look forward to reading the poem lol abigailxx
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Wonderfully written
i think this is one of your best. It's so visual and it really makes you think! I loved the last line of each verse..i think that really tied the whole piece together; it really reiterated the message that you were conveying! Well done mate! Excellent job!
Kiran -
dark, but awesome!
Woah. that is kinda dark. It's really good though. I like dark poems, sure mine are all rhymey and sappy, but I still like dark ones, and this one is cool! I love it. keep writing!
~Ash~ -
thankyou so much that is such a great comment, i wasn't sure if i was doing it right at first but i read the other entries and kind of got the jist, hey it's a great contest if you don't get many entries im all at agony aunt and any other group you may be in askin them to please enter, hey there is no harm in it and i always do it when i'm doing one lol abigailxx
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Now, that is a WOW. I like your minimal use of punctuation and the way you allowed your line placement to control the way you want the poem read. I also like the chorus effect of the last 3 lines of each verse. The layout is nicely easy on the eyes. My favorite line would have to be.
one man to love many to hate
You did a great job of stringing the words in a pleasant melodic manner, but still hitting us with a harsh message.
Thanks so much for enterring
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
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