your face tonight
does not glow
in the candlelight
good food and best wine
yet still emptiness
30~10~2005
Author notes
Written October 31st, 2005
In a list
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1 - 6 of 6
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Very interesting.
"yet still emptiness"
Leaves the reader hanging and wondering. Puts a lot on ones mind.
I like it!
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this is a tanka, I would assume. It's interesting, to say the least. It leaves a lot of questyions to be answered. Of course, things like this often do.
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i like it and have a stupid question... well if 'your face' were to glow in the candlelight wouldn't that be aweful... isn't the wic the thing that glows?
ha,
Doug -
amazing poem i loved it it's very good
it really flowed and went well
well done i love it sooo much
And i'm kind of picky -
Outstanding !
This resonates tremendously. It makes the reader wonder why the person being talked about is not happy(not glowing with joy inspite of the wonderful setting described). I like the scene and mood you set in this. The pivot line, L3, has balanced the upper part (Kaminoku) and the lower part (Shimonoku) of this tanka very well. Each part of the tanka reads well on its own and reads beautifully combined together as a short poem.
Best Wishes,
Charishma -
Excellent
The expectations of such a candlelit rendevous often brings disappointments such as this. Well voiced
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