I hear the roar of the river
long before I behold the view.
I know how the water frolics and stumbles
across boulders and ledges hewn by it’s might.
How it tumbles down;
all light and shadow
creating ripples across a pool of darkness.
I know the shape of the trees
The stately oak and magnificent maple.
The pensive pine and bristly sweet gum.
I know their colors
and the vivacious way they blaze
their glory against the shifting blues.
But not today…
Today, the water falls in monochrome.
The sky is softly washed in solemn white.
The leaves are toneless clumps upon the trees
the foliage untouched by brilliant shades.
I cannot find the hope that I once knew
when first I stumbled on this pristine scene;
without the multi-hues that once suffused
this piece of heaven with possibility.
Only ominous gloom is left behind.
Despair and darkness are soon staining me.
Why is it that I seem so color blind?
It must be the eclipse that you brought on.
Your words spewed out in red and stole my breath.
“It’s over” and
the paint of life was gone.
Now I am lost inside this in achromous world.
Where I vainly, sought to bathe my battered soul.
I touch the water and the pallid trees.
and realize that this toneless place me.
Patricia Gibson-Williams
October 31, 2005
Author notes
OK this is the first draft and I'm not sure if it says what I want it to so feel free to let me know if it's bad. Also typos (I know there must be some) point them out. If you don't like it say so, I hate vacuous praise. Don’t get me wrong I’d love to hear if you did like it, but I want to hear if you hated it too. Patti
(The picture is the one that the contest was based upon.)
Written October 30th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Picture Visuals...No Notice#5 by B Chandler.
300 points, ended November 3, 2005, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is a wonderful poem ... and that isn't vacous praise. You did an absolutely wonderful job in moving the soothing nature of running water back to the emotions of loss and despair. You took a different slant on the picture than many of us and you painted your emotions very well ... don't ever slap yourself for a job well done
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Excellent point of view.
You presented a completely different picture from what I did and truly I think you presented it well. This is an expression of unrequited love which would take the color out of things. How unique that perspective is. There is much to like about this and frankly not a thing to hate. -
A feeling of such loss and sadness.You draw the reader into your monochrome world.well done, Ros
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Vivid imagery and metaphor
SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder can be just as deeply felt in the emotional seasons of our lives as it can in the natural seasons of nature. A time when human nature and nature parallel. I was reflecting as I was out and about yesterday that soon we will have trees of sticks. As I thought this leaves were falling everywhere I looked... including in my life. Yet I have faith that the spring nature brings will also come in our lives in time. This is what I thought of reading your lovely piece here.
Edited on Oct 31, 2:37 p.m. because ''. -
This pulls at the reader.....it seeps into places of hidden memories....it leads an draws us to the closure. well, well done!
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this piece of heaven with possibility.
Only ominous gloom is left behind
that is a beutiful line.makes me feel like am standing by the river.great job -
Magnificent
Oh, this is such a wonderful poem... such emotion and joy at first...and then the drop in temperature, and the bleakness of the feelings... I love the painted images in my head that I see from your words... This is magnificent...Dee -
brilliant
Patti, I personally think you did a grand job here-this poem is so rich in emotion that it rocks I have loved the way you have painted nature-you made it possible for me to imagine it all-your contents moved and touched the very core of the heart-'“It’s over”'-this was so powerfully stated-could feel the cold finality of it's utterance and the deep wound of it's reciever-a most applaudable piece here
Edited on Oct 31 because 'typo'.
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