Darkness closes in around me
cutting off what I used to see.
The cold lays across my shoulders in a gentle fall
covering me like a heavy shawl.
Whispers speak loudly in my head
of all the past things that were said.
Falling on my knees
gripping my head in shaking pleas.
Wondering when the pain will end
or if this heart will ever mend.
Voices in my mind tell me heavy lies
while my pleas turn into cries.
Head in hands
Dreaming of far of lands.
Reality hits
Throwing me into angry fits.
Imagining a different life
one where there is no strife.
Where did my smile go
the one I always used to show?
Where did this mask come from
the one that makes me feel numb?
I never knew someone could cry so much here
without ever shedding a tear.
When I look in the skys I know you are there
that you are holding my hand in care.
But I cannot find my smile
the one thats been lost for awhile.
They tell me I am not the same
a different person with my name.
Your love holds me
while I look in the skys trying to see.
You said 'search' so I do
but somedays I wish you'd give me an obvious clue.
Someday maybe these invisible tears will end
and this heart will finally mend.
Until that day keep me in Your arms
away from all the worlds harms.
Author notes
Its a great way to feel on your 18th birthday..but Gods good.
Written October 30th, 2005
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Comments
-
Although this is a brilliant poem of self expression . . . I think that you have forced many of the rhymes - for example 'Reality hits/Throwing me into angry fits'. Perhaps you should consider writing free verse so that the emotion of your words can be free to glide into the mind of the reader.
The imagery on the other hand . . . is superb.
Stay smiling and keep writing
Pol
P.S. If you really want more critiques, you should consider critiquing more work yourself, from your authors page I see you haven't commented on four poems per one you have posted. I don't mean to be harsh . . . it is just something you might want to consider. -
Great
Hi,BrokeDown:
Wow what a poem one that is very well written and truly shows you are a very talented poet.This is a poem that contains so much depth and emotion,well done.
mrsfoss -
This is wonderfully written, I feel like I am having these feelings. I think we have all been in that spot before, and I rest in the fact that the joy of the Lord's is my strength in those times... I can't wait to read more!
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