On this autumn morning
Where the memories are the falling leaves
A red crown adorning
The day let out its warning
With a sun ray that pierced
right through the clouds
Like time, my hand may come around
Reaching out to a source of comfort
Pushing outwards to expand territory
and to cool the senses
Amber waves of a zealous haze
In a tight corner,
the spoils of a martyr
This is going to be our fate,
forever separating the ordinary
from the....
legendary
Author notes
This is one of my top three best poems in my opinion, and one of my personal favorites. Enjoy.
Written October 29th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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Poet
And the man made myths could very well be real. Those that reach higher forever shall be a part of history and their desting bound to the universal thruths. Interesting and deep poet.
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ty very much, it has been awhile since anyone commented on this poem, ty poet.
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Nice write
I don't know if this piece has different meanings to you but, it does me. I could read it at face value and think you're talking about fall or, I could interpret that this is a piece about war, just because of the word martyr. Then again, my mind is a little foggy today so....I could be imagining things.
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Ok to make everyone satisfied and to make everyone look away from the fact I mentioned love AT ALL. I edited this poem and removed the love part. The only thing I am worried about now is....maybe I should take out the word clouds too right? I mean, I mentioned the word clouds so the poem MUST be about clouds right?!
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I don't see this poem as being about love in the traditional sense, perhaps more about love in an abstract perspective, a kind of reflection on life, spontaneity, inspiration (or lack of it). Its appeal for me lies in its lack of cohesion, its refusal to be logical and ordered. Its strength is then its refreshing openness, its theatre of the absurd effect, its unique imagery that refuses to be tied down to mundane interpretation.
Perhaps if I were to offer a vague interpretation it would be that sometimes people deprive themselves of the moment of greatness by being too afraid, too restricted to let themselves be spontaneous and inspirational - and the moment passes - unrequited. Liked your poem. Tony
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camus
just wondering camus, but why do you think the poem is about love at all? Just because it has the words unrequited love does not mean the poem is about love. Because actually it's not about love at all. The unrequited love was meant to merely connect another thought. Maybe I should take that part out....
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Unrequited love was like biscuits
in an autumn morning
Where the memories are the falling leaves
A red crown adorning
The day let out its warning
With a sun ray that pierced
right through the clouds
you captured the essence of such despair down to a t my dear...beautiful piece -
Very Nice
Everything was demonstrated in a rather graceful type manner.. Things fit together relatively well, and it kinda reminded me of a book, or an introduction to a long lost tale of the suffering.. I unno, Im not too great at expressing myself to say what I mean. But nice job, definately -
YEs , well written i had some questions, but then i read below on one of your responses, well done lad , well done, being unique in your writing is what a poet should strivie for, well done and keep penning
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James
this poem is well written and uses several poetic devices, the language is intelligent and it was a joy to read. I do have a couple of questions as it affects the poem in my mind.
The fact you opened up with such a vivid simile was great, but how is one-sided love like a biscuit? My picture of a biscuit is warm, flaky, soft. Is Autumn the key here? does Autumn mean it is cold and hard and old? Not sure.
Lastly, I take this poem to be about a person in love with someone not inlove with them, how are "they" going to be legendary? Is this a reference to the narrator winning over the desired? Or am I wrong on all accounts and just missing the point?
Jim
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son of Jim
in reply to Son of Jim's comment...I think you are thinking about it too hard. Just because I began with unrequited love in the opening line does not mean that the poem is about love. This poem is about sacrifices that we sometimes make. And sometimes one moment, one thought, one idea can distinguish a person that is of the ordinary...and that one monment, one thought, or one idea can make that person extra-ordinary. That is how legends are born. I write in an abstract way...so sometimes even I could not tell you why I choose to write about the things that I do. But they aren't always supposed to mean a certain something...to me poetry is like an ink blot test, the reader derives from the story what he wants to see, nd it doesn't matter what the story writer was actually trying to say. So I encourage you to take my poetry however you feel like interpreting it.
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good poem
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Good!
Alot of emotion here,felt through the words.It draws one into the sadness and sorrow,,The scenery echoes the sadness, of the relationship. One is to hope love will come yet for the love not returned....perhaps another...It is not long, but sufficient to set the mood, and have the reader grieving for the one,the author...A lovely write.. -
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hmmm
well it wasn't really meant to be a greiving for me. It was something you can relate to but yet also has that certain something that touches your senses and you can sort of taste it and smell it.
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A beautifu poem . There's something very sad about unrequited love and you have captured the emotion well. Excellent imagery.
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Unrequited love like biscuits..when they break you rue the fact! Interesting analogy on love. The shortness of the piece does not detract from a good read.
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thank you so very much cannonsfire
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thank you, im glad that you enjoyed this, if you would like me to enter my other breathtaking piece, it is not in a contest as I thought it was...so I am asking your permission to submit "A Dire Symphony" It may be even better then this poem, but I cannot decide between the two, maybe you can decide for me...lol
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This is an incredible poem. You have some absolutely amazing phrases. "Jealous haze", "memories are the fallen leaves" (I absolutely love that one)
and the ending was absolutely beautiful.
I adore this.
This write has so much depth and beauty. The use of Martyr is just so wonderful. =) Thank you for submitting this.
Wonderful job and best of luck in the contest.
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wonderful
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An incredibly beautiful write. The imagery is vivid. The emotion is true and strong. Your poem is really brilliant n bright in essence and effect!
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interesting write
interesting write. move on in your life; get away from this person who is not smart enough to return love when it is given to them! -
This is very interesting and different. The ending is just great and powerful. A lot of emotion runs through your words. Nice work and keep it up.
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lol..I actually love your little joke...yeah that's definitly another feeling that lasts until...wait no...that feeling lasts until February and then starts up again after St. Patty's Day.
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I originally came here to make an awful joke after seeing the title, along the lines of - I know that feeling, it's a hang over. Waa haa.
But the poems too good to deface with my poor internet banter. So just forget tht last part
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That was a very sweet poem, I enjoyed reading it and I look forward to reading more of your poems.
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The first two lines, had me a bit confused since I didnt understand the source of the comparison. After you explained, I was like...ohhh, but something about it still felt impersonal. However it was a unique way to express that feeling, however I felt like you took the sweet alone and not the bitter, since it is unrequited love. Your poem flowed excellently, unhindered. Your imagery was excellent and intriguing. This was an excellent piece. Kudos.
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Impressed
There are always a time when people are trying to reach out for some sort of comfort. -
This is an interesting poem. I know what unrequited love feels like. Unrequited love is like biscuits in the autumn morning. I love that line. It is so fresh.
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What a masterpiece! This is fantastic.
This is to be the fate forever
seperating the ordinary
from the .......
legendary
Incredible ending! -
thank you, I am glad u enjoyed...this seems to be one of my most popular and well liked poems. I hope you show it to all your friends. ~TL
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This is to be the fate for forever
separating the ordinary
from the.......
legendary
What a masterful ending....Outstanding work indeed...I am impressed! -
VERY BEAUTIFUL
Such a beautiful poem. It has brought a tear to my eye. Unrequited love can be quite painful too. Just the mood this morning and your lovely poem find me in. Take care, Sandy ;f -
Like time, my hand may come around
Reaching out to a source of comfort
Pushing outwards to expand territory
and to cool the senses
Immagery here is so mystrious still it is awakening the senses of the readers so accurately..great work indeed...
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Good
This poem left us with a different feeling that lasts !
Matured thinking and imaginations seen in those words !
Committed mixture of emotions n anticipations !
Trust you're doing great and looking forward to sharing an exciting moments with us here !
subbu -
this poem held a mixture of emotions
great poem
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haha yup i got it now, although i never thought of UNREQUITED love as being anything like biscuits - more like eating dead flies. thx 4 the explanation tho and i completely agree about the cliche-ridden sickeningness of most love poems xxx ps could u take a look @ some of my stuff sometime? id v. much appreciate it x
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in response to treading water... Do you remember the good old days when your mom or grandma baked you some extremely tasty home-made biscuits? Did you not love them? Did you not find yourself in a tranquil peaceful state of mind? That is what true love is to me. When you can love and feel like a kid again, then you (in my opinion) should keep that person by your side forever. I just like to incorporate strange new sights, sounds, and tastes into my poetry. Which keeps it fresh and new, instead of the same old boring stuff you hear every day such as "I love you so much, and my heart does skip a beat, so I'm gonna walk down to your street, and pick you up because my feelings for you are most true...blah, blah, blah, *puke-city*"
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i loved the 1st stanza!!!!!!!!!!!! the imagery of the sun breaking through the clouds was a gr8 touch. i like the part about amber waves of a jealous haze aswell - i like the idea of seeing your emotions as colours, sounds etc to make them more tangible. v beautifully written. just 1 thing........explain the part about the biscuits? lol xxx
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separating the ordinary from the legendary. I liked that line alot and i believe it wrapped up this piece nicely.
Madison -
very well written great analogy to love wonderful job
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The martyr theme plays well through this, ties the piece together and makes it a sad one, well done.
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I like this one it was well,thought out. Easy to read all the answers there. thanx
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hmmm, not bad I liked it!
my fav bit was:
'Like time, my hand may come around
Reaching out to a source of comfort
Pushing outwards to expand territory
and to cool the senses'
very nicely written, keep up the good work, NMNM -
good
I wasn't really too keen on the language, i'm not really a one for metaphors, but i really lke the topic. -
Extraordinarily penned James-
Not only was it nice to have a fairly short poem after all these quite long ones, but it said so much and was so wonderfully written. The wording was great, 'Unrequited love was like biscuits', not the usual love analogy, but oddly it works..Thanks for sharing your talent and for entering. Good luck in our contest. Kudos.
-Skye -
thank you very much Tim, this is indeed one of my best. If you liked this I strongly suggest "Intense frigid cold" and "a dire symphony" Thos are my best poems by far and I'm sure you will like them if you enjoyed this. Thank you for your continuing support. ~James aka 'loothy'
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Word choice is incredible. "spoils of a martyr", "Unrequited love like biscuits". Very nice job. Good closing line as well, that's always the most important part of the poem and you displayed that effectively. You also put alot of heart-felt emotion into a small space, so all of your lines contain important meaning. Every line of this poem can be savored by themselves, as well as appreciated as a whole poem. Very nice job.
~Tim -
i really think this poem is awesome. you had a great choice of words and imagary. thanks for sharing, keep up the good work.
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I didn't get to read the first one, so I can't say if it's better or not, but it certainly is good now. Thanks for asking all of us to read it.
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This is a sad poem,but flows very well, you did a good job,rhymes well. Best of luck in the contest
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Interesting.
Nice flow.
~shaitus. -
The ending... Wow. I was blown away. The raw, emotional quality was fantastic. Please keep up the great work, & best of luck in the contest.
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this is beautiful!!!!!! i loove it!!1
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I really liked this. The metaphorical sense was really great. I love how it doesn't make you think about anything bad happening until the end, and even then, it almost seems like it was common. Like it happened often or something like that. This is a really good write.
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VEry interesting...well written!
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"Unrequited love was like biscuits
in an autumn morning
Where the memories are the falling leaves
A red crown adorning"
i really love those lines. they totally grabbed my attention from the beginning. i love the way you used very unique rhymes. great job. keep up the great work.
p.s. thanks for the comment on my poem. i love your honesty. -
Woah... I really liked this. Wonderful opening, by the way. It had a lot of emotion behind it, and the imagry was lovely.
-AF -
wow! this is a sad/ but well structured poem for your contest post, good form and rhymes well so owver all spelling great and everything nicely written..good job Linda
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