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Around the center
of the middle
there's a comfy little prison
where you can never go nowhere,
nor see nothing quite enough.
No one put the bars there;
somehow, they just happened.
There's
no danger,
no failure,
no terror,
no love.


On the top and the bottom
live the innocent and the guilty,
who gave up

can't
and

probably 
and

yeah, but
and
perfect.
Some fly high with the clouds,
some burn deep in the furnace.
In between is the middle,
where it doesn't really matter.

You can copy their laughter,
you can show off their feel good;
they will all still be out there
by the time you get home.

The easy fix is forgetting.

(Relax, they won't see you, either.)
Hang your hat where the heart is.
Kick up your feet.

 

Outside the cage hangs a painting,

and maybe they're all in there -
abractionistic impressionism,

brightly colored on canvas.

They aren't in your third dimension. 

You aren't out here watching.

In & out

aren't

left or right

nor

up or down.

They simply aren't.

 

In a world without boxes,
there's no way to be in one;
no cowering in the comfort
of a clearly labeled vault.
Every wall is a window,
but you can go on vacation.
Reality can't follow
if you jump off the page.


So then real must be the flat in you
that keeps your sides separate:
unwritten chapters, blueprints for a jail.
It's your blank, weightless bravery
as you slip between the bars;
the faded photo you're found clutching
at the end if you don't.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Written October 24th, 2005

Where were you born--
the artwork or the jail cell?
Do you choose to be breathing,
or does it happen by default?
Do you out-dream your living,
and spend forever in the middle,
or do you live out your dreaming,
and go wherever you want?

In a list

If you only read this once, don't even think about commenting.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 59 of 59
  • AnorexicShadow
    June 21, 2007

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    Wow I like this. It speaks so well to the difference in living and existing, of being and doing. It's beautifully written and it makes one think.

  • FallinUpTheStairs
    January 2, 2007
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    I like this, the imagery was really effective and every niow and then there was a line which I really loved, such as 'How does one cower in comfort without a clearly-labeled vault?'.
    You used the form really well, and you punctuated it really well.

    Thankyou for entering.


  • Zayra Yves gold member
    December 27, 2006

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    This is real poetry. You are the poetry man. I like the revisions. One thing I especially enjoy about your awesomely deepnes is that it is you completely and it comes naturally from you. I appreciate the way you can take something that might be too philosophical, physics based or esoteric and turn it into a poem someone can understand, a lay person can feel you and experience your material too.

    Good luck in the contest.


  • Jaden silver member
    December 21, 2006

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    Okay, you had me going on this one. This has the element of humor . . . something you don't see much in poetry, but effective nevertheless. Good play on words, but more than that, you end up saying something thought provoking.

    Way cool. Enjoyed. And damn if that shouldn't be the aim of every writer.


  • grassisgreener
    December 21, 2006

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    glorious. thank goodness for the author's note explanation. you know, it's quite a coincidence that this poem ties into a quote which i learned today which may just be my new favorite. "The masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation." You and Thoreau got it right. Comfortable living is not the life that, when we are old, we can look back on and call worthwhile. If we give up our dreams we give up any chance we have of making it somewhere. A wonderful asset to this contest, thank you truly.

    • JustBe gold member
      December 21, 2006
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      At a loss for words

      The topic of your contest was irresistable to me, because it's easily the thing I've written most about. Strangely, this is the only such poem still posted on AP.

      "You and Thoreau ... " That's among the most gratifying compliments I've ever received, and it's made my day. I don't really know how to respond to it, actually, other than to feel good about it, thank you for reading, and say I'm delighted that you liked the poem.
      ~Morgan

  • Arsenic-
    December 18, 2006

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    Speachless

    I absolutly love the first three stanzas, and all-in-all the entirity of the poem. Different style and awesome message. Fifth and Sixth are very good...sometimes you just have to call it "done." Michael.


  • Rogue Poet
    December 17, 2006
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    Creatively refreshing!

    This piece made me think that you were describing the Alcatraz prison just off San Franscico. I like how the piece places a certain degree of burden to wear on the reader.

    -Keep the ink flowing!

    -Solus MckNight

  • drama1000 silver member
    December 5, 2006
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    Outstanding!


  • panegyric ink
    December 4, 2006
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    So well built on tragedy and forgiveness!!

    The way you weave in and out n' all around truly fanastizes the very concepts of the painter's brush!!


  • MayDecemberSun
    November 29, 2006

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    love words

    Great word usage here. Very unexpected grammatical arrangement and syntax in places, but it was all very effective. I also like your form here and the rhythm. I am still contemplating the meaning, but I know what I like, and I like this.


    • JustBe gold member
      November 30, 2006
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      Sorry I didn't reply sooner. Comments don't seem to announce themselves of late. I believe I'll grab that RSS feed, and then I'll know what's up.
      Always love it when I get read by you. The Libertarian disregard for the Queen's authority I displayed in this piece is so often misinterpreted as bad grammar; I'm so glad you dug that.

      I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. I'm trying hard not to go that way myself right now, and it has been the toughest experience of my life. Here: . I'd send you an e-card, but AP doesn't have those, unfortunately. Maybe that's because we are supposed to be able to write our own Hallmark cards.
      Once again, thanks so much for reading. Take care.
      ~Morgan

  • JustBe gold member
    August 25, 2006
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    Brilliant and majestic! Whew! Thanks, that is quite a compliment. Means a lot coming from you, too. Hope you're not just saying that because I keep saying you look nice.
    As for "comfy," thanks for pointing that out. I'll have to give it some thought. I hadn't thought about that previously. I already changed another poem I thought was done today. Who knows? Maybe it'll be two. Thanks for reading, and again, I appreciate the compliment.

    Edited on Aug 25, 4:27 p.m. because ''.

  • Abscessed
    August 25, 2006
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    To me this was brilliant. I could relate in an obvious way - to this boxed prison you speak of.
    I loved the entire piece but the word comfy just stuck out like a sore thumb to me - It felt misplaced and begging to be replaced.
    Anyway I am glad you gave me a taste of what real talent is on this site - I recall reading your work before and I must say you have a certain standard that you uphold so majesticaly

    Abscessed
  • Stand In Girl
    July 29, 2006
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    "At the middle
    of the middle,
    There's a comfy little prison,
    and no one never goes nowhere,
    nor sees nothing quite enough."


    "Nor" makes me think you're trying to be proper which doesn't fit in my mind, compared to double negative. I like the double negative though, fits with the dry humor of a comfy prison. After that line I would've started a new stanza.

    Hypothetical bars can't be built
    they just happen.

    There's
    no scary,
    no painful,
    no regretful,
    no ashamed.

    After reading those lines it gives me the feeling that you're talking to a kid, the way you personify feelings makes me like it more than if you talked about being scared. The last line about being ashamed kind of bites me when I look at it, makes me go back to the beginning and think that the middle of the middle is trying to find comfort in a big mess. Makes me think you're trying to make the best of things

    On the top and the bottom
    live the innocent and the guilty,
    who gave up
    can't,
    and
    probably,
    and
    yeah, but
    and perfect.

    The lines here make me think would need the most work but I like them alot so I wouldn't touch them too much. The last line could be taken off, it's just too much for me and I don't know how it fits. Something being perfect compared to the excuses of 'can't and yea but. . ' I'd begin a new stanza there

    Some fly high with the clouds,
    some burn deep in the furnace.
    In between is the middle,
    where it doesn't really matter.

    reminds me again of that safe place and not leaning too much in any direction, sort of like walking a highwire if you get my meaning or tiptoeing on a thin line. So these lines make me forget about there being a really big problem and more of a stuck in a rut type feel. I feel apathetic and in a pissy mood. So I get the feeling that you're looking out and making comments on the rest who're either saints or sinners. so to speak lol. I'd play with the phrase deep in the furnance, seems kind of dull to me to just be deep, when what I really want to imagine is something like a huge chasm or belly.

    You can copy their laughter,
    you can show off their feel good,
    but they will all still be out there
    by the time you get home.

    'they will all still be' Makes me think you're being proper again, just use this apostraphe don't be ashamed! ^_^ show off their feel good, I love that line. These lines and the ones below make me think of why impersonate someone who doesn't even know you're there.

    The easy fix is forgetting,
    since they can't see you, either.
    Hang your hat where the heart is,
    and kick up your feet.

    so i get the feeling of apathy again, though it's not so negative, it's more like to hell with it, laid back tone to looking at things.


    For the next stanza my head started to spin though I think that's what you wanted. (And to think I expected this one to be easier to comment.)

    Outside the cage hangs a painting,
    and maybe they're all in there--
    abstractionistic impressionism,
    brightly colored on canvas.

    They aren't in your third dimension.
    You aren't out here watching
    In and out
    aren't left or right,
    or up , or down.
    They simply aren't.

    I personally find it a pain knowing all the different terms even though I love painting, but what you meant is abstractionist impressionism I think. That last ic makes my tongue want to twist in a knot. So I wouldn't even care for that, I'd go for abstract impressionism Plus I think you meant out there, you said before they were out there. I love the play on words. If I'm right you were trying to say they didn't really matter by saying they just weren't to begin with.

    In a world without boxes,
    there's no way to be in one;
    no cowering in the comfort
    of a clearly labeled vault.
    Every wall is a window,
    but you can go on vacation.
    Reality can't follow
    if you jump off the page.

    I'd change the period after vacation into a comma. I love that stanza and I think it's perfect btw. Up until this point I sort of read everything and then commented on it but I'm getting the urge to read it all together. so let me try this again.

    Ok reading it all over and the cages made me think of us being like scared little hamsters and meek little pets, as if we're too scared to move or step outside the norm.

    I think the reason this hasn't been commented on or applauded much is the background and the way the lines look at first glance all being in bold. Looks boring at first and it's not visually appealing at all lol, I'm sorry. But that's definately why. After you get past that if people still don't comment then they're just bubble brained.

    Anyways to end it I ADORE the last stanza. I loved the metaphors. real must be the flat in you, it's just so beautiful. so give me your interpretation of the last stanza.

  • JustBe gold member
    July 26, 2006
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    Yeah, nobody ever comments on this one. I think it's because most people don't like to read challenging poems. Else, it could just be that ...nobody understands me

  • twisted butterfly
    July 26, 2006
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    Super Smashing Great ... Its an english thing

    7.03 this time.

    I came back to ponder the title. I can see why you chose the one that you chose at the time. I can also see why maybe now you want to change it. As I said to you though, titles of poems are such a personal thing, I think they should only be given by the poet themselves. Its like naming a newborn baby! You wouldnt want to call it the wrong thing and lumber it with Mercutio or Montgomery for the rest of its life after all....

    Im sure you will find the title you're looking for..

    Im saddened by the number of comments on your poem from my promotion. 10 people have clicked and only three commented as I promoted it straight after my original comment.

    The cheek of some people ^^

    Lisa.

  • JustBe gold member
    July 25, 2006
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    Hehe! I didn't promote it! It was a new friend that did it.

  • grannyeri gold member
    July 25, 2006
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    This one goes back a ways - interesting to see some of these that are recycled for all to read. Comments are also good to read, on this deep and somewhat more than hits the eye poem.

  • JustBe gold member
    July 25, 2006
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    Thanks for reading. I appreciate your candor. Which lines were cliche? If you mean the bit about the boxes, as in "outside the box," you should read the comments I suggested in the AN. For me this has nothing whatsoever to do with conformity or narrow thought. Seriously, which part is cliche? I'll want to change it.
  • Son of Jim
    July 25, 2006
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    You have commented that the reader need be 'outside the box'. I couldn't agree more. This non-rule holds true in more areas than most can appreciate. I guess the poem reads alot like circular logic of the chicken and the egg or tree in the forest, but if art, science or life in any form doesn't make the user interface and think, than it is a loss. I think some of your lines were cliche'd, but big deal, what great conundrum in life is without it's own everyday reality. The things that make it fresh are the ideas and thoughts that go into how it is attacked. For that reason I appreciate your poem greatly.

  • JustBe gold member
    July 25, 2006
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    Mind? Goodness, no! In the immortal words of your countryman Robert Plant: "Ramble On." (Number two is the best Zeppelin album, and that song is my fave.) Anybody who reads puts a smile on my face. It would be really wonderful if someone were to publish any of these poems. Then people would read them all the time. I'd feel understood, or something.
    This one gets no attention from anyone, so I'm glad you like it. I have a sweet spot for it, too. My favorite lines are the last two. I was in an odd headspace when this popped out. Hope I can get back there at some point. Thanks for reading. Obviously, float me a title if you'd like some reciprocation. It feels like Xmas to me.
    ~Morgan

  • Old Doc Wit
    July 25, 2006
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    Smooth form and cadence,interesting content.Well written.

  • twisted butterfly
    July 25, 2006
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    I have to say, out of the four poems that you linked to me as your favourites, this is MY personal favourite. All of the others were extremely good and original but the styling of this one is closer to my heart and more the sort of styling that I aim for (but rarely acheive) myself.

    Everyone interprets poetry in their own way. Therefore an abstract poem is extreme fun to read as it has so many interpretations. Kind of like looking at a Salvador Dali picture and working out all of the different images that are rising up from the picture.

    As seems to be the case with most of your poems, I have found a couple of lines that deserve to be sat on a page on their own, just so that you can take in the meaning of them. I have got such a love of words and phrases that make you think.

    "Reality can't follow
    if you jump off the page"

    I think that phrase will mean a lot more to someone who writes than someone who doesnt. It brings to mind that world that you fall into when youre writing, where nothing can touch you and the most important thing is to write and (in my case) get the feelings out and onto the page.

    Its one of those natural highs in life that are priceless.

    This poem is one that I am going to have to come back to and read again and ABSORB it, as I feel like I am missing something from not doing just that.

    Its 7.20 in the morning here. Tea and toast is on the menu and very few brain cells have appeared just yet.

    Would you mind if I came back and rambled some more on this one later?

    Lisa.

  • JustBe gold member
    June 28, 2006
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    Somehow, your comment sneaked right past me. I'm thrilled that you like it. Most people don't know what to make of it, and it's one of my favorites. If you liked this, then I'll have to look at some of your stuff. Must be interesting.
    ~Morgan
  • melodramangst
    June 23, 2006
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    I like this one. I like the metaphors, the insight, and the ending is killer. Props. Pow.

  • Sau
    May 25, 2006
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    your username "JustBe" attracted my attention, and I browsed my way here through your author's page.

  • JustBe gold member
    May 25, 2006
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    Thanks for saying so. This one is actually one of my favorites. Nobody ever seems to take the time to really read it ...or else most people just aren't up to it. No idea which. How did you come across it?

  • Sau
    May 25, 2006
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    I consider myself lucky to have come across this. It incites thought and an investigation... the abstract in the poem somehow creates a palpable effectiveness in the imagery.

    good wishes,
    sau

  • bookaddict -SYV-
    May 6, 2006
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    I really liked the rhythm. If this makes any sense at all, it made it feel as if it rhymed even though it didn't. I really liked:

    "Hang your hat where the heart is,
    and kick up your feet."

    This too:

    "Reality can't follow
    if you jump off the page."

    And...:

    "It's your blank, weightless bravery
    as you slip between the bars;
    the faded photo you're found clutching
    at the end if you don't."

    I found this piece to be a lot of fun to read. I like the concepts found in it (I really like the part of your comment that says - about 'boxes' - "which people fabricate to avoid confronting the question of who they really are"). It connected with a lot of stuff I've been thinking about recently.
  • ecrivain01 silver member
    April 27, 2006
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    After reading through the comments, there's abolutely NOTHING else I could possibly say that somebody hasn't already said. It's an intriguing write in any case.
  • Canovash
    April 14, 2006
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    After your comment i couldn't find my mysterious critique on your work and realised that there never was one so here goes. This is the second piece of yours i've read so far and i think you've definitely got talent. You create a fairly spacious mood that well encompasses the readers thoughts with a feeling of imagery rather than dire explanation like a police report, which is half the poetry game perfected really isn't it. You should be happy with this. So well done.

  • YesterdaysFeelings
    March 13, 2006
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    I definitely like this. I like the uncertainty in its ending, as if the reader has to sum everything up by themselves in order to undertstand, even if it is only comprehensible by the reader themself. It is a very intriguing piece. Thanks for entering.
  • ecrivain01 silver member
    February 24, 2006
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    This is a great poem. I'm impressed.

    Funny, up there somewhere you're talking about being inside a picture, and that reminds me of the Harry Potter movie I saw recently, where all of the characters in the the pictures were alive.

    Anyway, it seems to make sense to me. Then again, I'm not normal. (Nor do I aspire to be, since I don't much care for "normal" people.)

  • Dragonsblood
    February 21, 2006
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    well done piece of artwork written into words. You gave life to words and gave truth to things that people usually like to just pretend "never happened" and would of continued on pretending had you not spoken up. Things that are two dimensional are the things that many people think only are left in the world - they never admit the third piece and assume shallow thoughts of others and themselves - these are the people many of us recognise and yet dont explain to them the truth of the matter. We - who should have learned the lesson- shouldn't pretend that we dont see the pretenders. It would only be living a lie. And that lie would be a boring life. Wonderful thoughtful and still msterous piece that can be interpreted many differnt ways by how it is written. I myself, follow punctuation and lines when I read and this made it a bit challenging to follow your rhythm in your poem. I find this piece most intriguing by its words rather than it's form. Thanks for giving me a new perspective on a well known topic.

  • Violet Moodswing gold member
    January 16, 2006
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    I love your use of --negatives-- in the poem. It gives the piece an added flavor. You use phrasing that is just almost familiar so it has us stopping to think about what is said. I also love the authors notes portion. I definately think you should save it, or even post it as a second, short piece, or a prelude to coming attractions .

    Of course, I am very partial to this type of writing. It is clear and obscure at the same time, allowing me to walk away with my own interpretation. It is also worth reading more than once for me, as it may ring a bit different between readings depending on my mood and momentary frame of reference.

    I like pieces that prompt me to interact with them and this one does that nicely

  • silver bugs
    January 5, 2006
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    Wow, this is mind-blowing! (In a good way.) Very thought provoking, each stanza had meaning. This is one of those poems that I can read over and over and always find something new and facinating. Great job. Thanks for entering

    ~Lana

  • BlackWidow43 silver member
    December 3, 2005
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    well this is totally abstract. and i found it rather fascinating and mind boggling all at the same time. i came across this piece from your little contest page. it was really amusing to read all of your rules. hehe. it made me want to read something written by you, so I just chose the poem you suggested. Good luck with you contest.

  • kryspin
    November 29, 2005
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    true enough. but not all abstract poems incite different interpretations,even the "boring" type of poetry you describe can incite different images. that's the beauty ofpoetry- it's subjective. i found it to not really be so abstract based onmy interpretation, subjectiveness is a friend of abstract

  • JustBe gold member
    November 29, 2005
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    Thanks for your compliments. Can you use the line I made up? Well, I'm pretty proud of my work, and I feel cautious about giving it away. Tell me more about what you're tallking about, and I'll let you know whether I'm comfortable with it. All the same, your request is flattering.

    What isn't flattering is your assertion that this piece isn't very abstract. I don't have a syndicated column, but I'm afraid I differ with that conclusion. Your interpretation of the poem has virtually no overlap with what I was thinking when I wrote it, and that would simply not be possible if it were as straight-forward as you say.
    While I do get irritated by conformity, for me this piece has nothing whatosever to do with it. It's about how you can't have the life you want until you get out of your head and embrace reality, and all of the dangers that go along with it. The alternative is to hide behind labels you give yourself, and to retreat to the safety of the risk-free world of indifference, denial, and short-term gratification.
    The two-dimensional motif represents the real world, while the other dimension is in your head. Since that dimension is yours alone, it isn't part of the real world, and therefore boxes don't fit. I would never stoop so low as to use a tired old platitude like "think outside the box" in a piece of original work. The box represents the labels I spoke of above (like prep and geek in high school), which people fabricate to avoid confronting the question of who they really are. The bars are the barriers they put up to justify not trying, and protect themselves from failure, heartbreak, or whatever else they're afraid to risk. You can slip through them only if you're two-dimensional, hence the dichotomy between the blueprints and the faded photo. Can't, probably, and yeah, but are the things people say to psyche themselves out, to justify cowardice. Perfect is along similar lines.

    If I claim this work is abstract, give me the benefit of the doubt, and read it carefully several times before you sum it up--that's the whole point of my contest. I never write anything that only goes skin-deep. It's too boring.
    ~Morgan
    Edited on Dec 20, 12:12 because ''.

  • Pleading Artichoke
    November 29, 2005
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    Oh, this is good. Just a minute ago I though I had read the winning piece, but now I'm not sure. I can tell a very thoughtful person wrote this. It is very profound. I really liked it, at first I thought that the grammatical errs were mistakes, but now I am pretty sure it just gives more meaning. I'll comment again.

    -An Artichoke

  • yakirati
    November 24, 2005
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    arielle critiqued this poem very well, i will let her words stand, i wish you the best of luck in the contest, thank you for entering

  • kryspin
    November 23, 2005
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    hmm I read this as your abstract example, yet quite a bit seemed clear to me. maybe I should climb back into the box and pretend to be normal. maybe then it'll be astract to me

    regardless, there were some strong conformity images and I definitely enjoyed how you strung those together with faded photos, fake bars and all that. excellent idea.

    in your author's notes, the omitted stanza is ok, but there are two verses that just strike:
    Do you choose to be breathing,
    or does it happen by default?


    i love the "happen by default" rhetoric. it's hard to explain but that's a deadly combination. it actually inspired me,

    could I use those two lines and
    attribute them back to you
    or should i put that
    idea in the vault?

  • JustBe gold member
    November 18, 2005
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    None of the poem strictly makes sense, because it's abstract poetry. One of my major aims in writing this was to get the reader to ask himself/herself questions like the one you just asked me, and find his/her own answers. Every single word in the whole thing has deep personal meaning to me, and I can tell you what that is if you want...but it's kind of missing the point.
    Edited on Nov 18, 2:42 p.m. because ''.

  • DancingQueenAngi
    November 18, 2005
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    wow this was so impressive, so abstract, but written so informally it was as if you were actually talking to me. all though it was really abstract and hard to understand what you were talking about even with the authors comments, like
    "Who gave up
    can't
    and probably
    and yeah, but
    and perfect"
    what was the and probablya and yeah stuff, it made no sense.
    angi
  • Nicole Hanna
    November 11, 2005
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    Oh I just love the changes you've made! There is such a stronger flow evident in the piece now. It ends with a sigh, but it's still an unforgettable last stanza.
  • Nicole Hanna
    November 10, 2005
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    By all means, please do!

  • JustBe gold member
    November 10, 2005
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    the part in the author's notes is actually the old part i yanked. i just put it in there because i couldn't stand to kick it out of my life. in a way it serves as a summary, anyway. as to ending the poem like you're suggesting, i can see what you mean. it would effect a more compelling crescendo, and i think that might be the rub that i couldn't quite put my finger on. i think i'll take a crack at it. mind if i confer with you about it in the future?
  • Nicole Hanna
    November 10, 2005
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    I'll have to agree with arielle here. The stanza, as proposed in your author comments, lacks the same choppy feel that you've illustrated in the rest of your piece. The voice of the stanza is simply too elongated and spelled-out in comparison to the previous lines. The stanza, in and of itself, is incredibly strong, just seems as though it doesn't particularly belong in this piece. Honestly though, if you could work it, I would love to see the line "blank, weightless bravery" as the clincher in this piece. Although I like the ending you have, it just doesn't have quite the punch this particular line has, at least for me. Maybe switch the last two stanza's and edit a few of the lines. Damn, I just really wish I had been the one to write that one line. lol.

  • isisspirit
    November 8, 2005
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    Great

    Thanks for entering, i really really like this, i am not judging yet but you have a good chance when the time comes, you are only the second entry i have read that is actually what i am looking for.

  • ArieLLeGiSeLLe
    November 7, 2005
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    Yes, I definitely like this ending and format better. It gives each phrase its own props; more understandable so that each flavor can be tasted separately and enjoyed for their own purpose. It is even better a piece than before.
    Arielle Giselle
  • Holly Ritz
    November 5, 2005
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    This is good writing. I liked being able to think about it while I was reading it.

  • ArieLLeGiSeLLe
    November 2, 2005
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    Yes, I did read this one before. It was the one I was commenting on last, but didn't finish. I do enjoy this piece for its abstract nature. It would have definitely been considered in my contest. I like how your words just tumble out and if you read too fast it won't make very much sense, but if you take each line, sample it, swish it around in your mouth, you will find its not quite hidden, but not so blatant meaning. I liked:
    Who gave up can't and probably and yeah, but and perfect

    So then your real must be the flat in you that keeps your sides separate,
    And the blueprints you're drafting for what's yet to be built
    It's your blank, weightless bravery as you slip between the bars,
    The faded photo you're found clutching at the end if you don't

    A world without boxes means no way to be in one,
    No cowering in the comfort of a clearly labeled vault
    The real only pursues what doesn't jump off the page,

    I didn't like the conclusion though. It exposed your poem too much. you know the saying 'leave a little room for imagination'? Well, you boldly bear the breasts of this, but the audience prefers a bit of conservation, if you get my metaphor? By the way, excellent usage of literary devices. I noticed extended metaphor, simile, and alliteration just in passing. Nice piece.
    Arielle Giselle

  • silverlining
    November 1, 2005
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    WOW! I'm serious... this is amazing! Your reflections (I took them to be upon societal attitudes and indifference) are genius! My favourite verse was the first-
    "In the middle of the middle, there's a comfy little prison,
    And no one never goes nowhere, nor sees nothing quite enough
    Inescapable iron bars were not built, but just happened,
    So there's no scary, no painful, no regretful, no ashamed"

    It's amazing to read- you are very talented! It flows beautifully. THE MIDDLE is a poem you can be very proud of.

  • C Weatherholt
    October 28, 2005
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    Before I go into what I think let me say this HOLY SHIT ok... I feel better... lol sorry for the language. This piece has outreached boundaries of other poets even myself included. Either you are a genius or you just happened to write this by mistake. I can't say anymore....

    "Where were you born-- in the artwork or the jail cell?
    Do you choose to be breathing, or does it happen by default?
    Do you out-dream your living, and spend forever in the middle,
    Or do you live out your dreaming, and go wherever you want?"

    If you don't mind could I post this EVERYWHERE!?!?!?!? lol Full credit to you of course, but I would like to use your real name. One of the most amazing writes I have been blessed with the eyes to lay upon. ~Crys
  • Stella Shall
    October 28, 2005
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    I really love the words in this piece I have written pieces about the middle before so hear your words. Personally
    I would really like to see this layed out differently I don't mean change any of the words or lines only shorten the length of each line so it doesn't spread across the whole page/screen I think it would have more impact that way. Other than that this piece is really clever and creative in the wording you have chosen a great effort. I wish you all the best in this contest.
  • SleepsDeathwish
    October 28, 2005
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    thats real touching...keep up the good work
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