In major instances, many moments' sought in depth of pity.
I must find the minute enjoyment, all foretold by the truth.
Of wanting ... of needing ... of freely mending the pictures together.
Yet taught not the thought beyond the strangest that I’ve had.
Night after daylight parishes unknowingly behind the dark felt
mystery on high: by both mind's moments and messes.
Reaching in for the tales in the flight of sky-lit brain.
Foreseen too ... therefore; none to ache the burning earth in shadows
of thought loss ejection of perfect rejections. The man ...
both hand in hand's past of oblivion, captivation, imperialism, and
manifestation of and on remembrances of the races.
All can follow many a man into the forest of believing.
Maybe nothing are such too real to see.
Every way in days our salvation comes to buy thy estimate of billions.
Fire-sides and camp-fires lit beside and on domains. That is real; like a mask worn to protect the self from the self. That is what it is: A fictitious monster in wait of its master to come forth and hold him, comfort him in the mind's eye, until he lay there dead in the pity. Blood surrounding his bullet hurt head. Seeing above him, all those who are beside him in war bed after beds.
No confrontation here they said down the road, while behind closed doors they have and are still blindfolding and gagging the poor and innocent, or just the information they have from their bodies.
Naked innocents’ die in those hours, screams from mouths’ as soldiers shoot, just to make an impression that they are on high.
Author notes
Written October 27th, 2005
- Get Read group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Change the World or Destroy It by xXblackenedXroseXx.
450 points, ended August 24, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - it's what you lack by pepper this.
400 points, ended August 20, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Wow. These parts are really great!
Of wanting ... of needing ... of freely mending the pictures together.
Yet taught not the thought beyond the strangest that I’ve had.
Night after daylight parishes unknowingly behind the dark felt
mystery on high: by both mind's moments and messes.
Reaching in for the tales in the flight of sky-lit brain.
Foreseen too ... therefore; none to ache the burning earth in shadows
This is my favorite part!
All can follow many a man into the forest of believing.
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try(ing)tothink
I have to admit, a lot of the symbols went over my head. I found myself having to just read it largely on an aesthetic level--and enjoyed it as such. I'd be interested in some notes to see more explicitly what's on your mind. Going back to the aesthetics, I enjoyed the way you worded things awkwardly--"bullet hurt head", "nothing are such", etc--they made for an interesting voice. Again, though, I had difficulty accessing the poem's deeper meaning. Maybe I'm just tired. -
Definitely a different write - the lines are packed and very very dense, perhaps you may want to think about restructuring in order to sharpen the clarity of what is a very intelligent and well written piece. I liked your use of language, even if it is abstract in places but it also creates very vivid and evocative images. The movement from scene to scene works well, good luck in your contests and thanks for sharing. Cheers.
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Oh. This is a very different poem that you have here. I like it though. Your language is kind of strange and I'm pretty sure that in some parts I didn't really understand it at all but I liked the tone and how it kind of carried itself away. If that makes any sense. I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself.
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An amazing poem.. thank you for your entry. =]
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very very cool. i love it. great job. and this is amazing. i love these lines.
Maybe nothing are such too real to see.
Every way in days our salvation comes to buy thy estimate of billions.
Firesides and campfires lit beside and on domains. That is real; like a mask worn to protect the self from the self. That is what it is: A fictitious monster in wait of its master to come forth and hold him, comfort him in the mind's eye, until he lay there dead in the pity. Blood surrounding his bullet hurt head. Seeing above him, all those who are beside him in war bed after beds.
ya.
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Wow. I love the very distinctive moods each sections offer. The wording is strange, almost awkward, but that's one of the things that attract me to this piece. The flow of it reminds me of some of the work by the band Circle Takes the Square, though I doubt any real inspiration came from there.
"No confrontation here they said down the road, while behind closed doors they have and are still blindfolding and gagging the poor and innocent, or just the information they have from their bodies."
That part I was particularly fond of. A lot of this is vague enough to be left open to multiple interpretations. It can be related to modern human rights abuses, racism, general spirituality, and so much more. This is a very well done piece of work. A light smattering of spelling errors threw me off, but only temporarily. Excellent work, keep it up.
~Kevin -
this poem is under erotic so i must remove it from my contest, sorry. feel free to enter again =)
~!~keep writing~! -
This speaks to the reader on several different levels. It is a bit disturbing, but is not this World we live in.
The last line was magnificently powerful! What an impression we make. (I wonder how long it will take to fade?)
Bravo!
Marianne
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Sad and beautifully written
This is a very deep and thought provoking piece. The imagery is so vivid as to be disturbing. This is really an excellent write. Well done. -
A very sad piece... But at least recovery can take place, some aren't strong enough to move themselves. I know how you mean about many being hurt and victimized and tortured, this is a disturbed way of living but its the life we have been set out to live, unfortunately.
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Great imaginary! Deep feelings,,,great write
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This is a great write. There is so much visualation. When you read this, it is as if you are taken there. Excellent!
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A great piece, the imagery here was amazing. I enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work.
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wow, this is powerful. yo[u really get your point across and what a point th[at is. you truly added a lot of detail and imagery into the poem. the part a[bout the innocents and soldiers really touched me, whew. and everything is diplayed with grace... no tri[cky lines or hidden meanings... you lay it straigh[t out. nicely done.. A bit confused by the "abuse" gen[re of this work, but maybe that was just an effect.. Cheers.
-Sc[ion
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