Thoughts

Many a night I laid awake,
Staring into the darkened abyss of my room,
Wondering what if?
 
What if I was older?
What if she was younger?
Would things have been better?
Would I still be able to love another like her?
Or am I doomed to my own darkness?
 
Many a day I thought to myself,
Tuning out the stress and voices of the day,
Asking myself in my thoughts,
What if it had been different.
 
What if she didn't have him?
What if she saw how much I was worth?
What if she could feel everything I felt?
What if I never let her go?
What if I was right in loving her?
 
Many a dream I dreamt,
Of a life not my own,
But a life of someone happy,
Who was loved with no strings,
Loved that it gave me courage,
To yell my thoughts and feelings,
Telling the world,
That there are no more What ifs.
 
My last thought,
My last night,
My last day,
I spent thinking of you,
Now I lay and remember us,
Of what we had,
And when I go to sleep?
I'll wake up to let my what ifs fill me again,
With my last I love you.