Who do you think you are?
Surely your arrogance doesnt extend so far
as to say "he's just an
old nigger" who began
these thoughts of yours
that flow from your pores
of your mind that is twisted,
utterly wicked?
You fat tub of
lard I'd love to shove
those words back into
that mouth which issues
ignorant marks
which, following sparks
creates riots and fires
o you ignorant liar
Is it just
jealousy? it must
have cut deep
when you lost all you keep
when he won it for good
you've destroyed brotherhood
You're opinions are
worthless like a star
that can't be seen
are you THAT cold and mean?
Do you think you're all bad
cause your father once had
twenty slaves in his field
is that your only shield?
Do you know Rosa Parks?
Do you know how she sparked
A change in the times?
No you don't your just blind.
I'm a white person, maybe
it's not my place to say these
things to you now
of a culture and how
they've triumphed for good
and in danger have stood
at the lion's mouth
never once backing down
Maybe I'm just a writer
my words are my lighter
and i hope that in you
these words have rung true
so next time
you have the thought in your mind
to say something cruel
here's a hint for you fool
after all this i wrote
when you want to speak....DON'T
Author notes
I know this is kind of weird in its rhymes (or lack thereof) but i was trying to convey these feelings i had about a couple of acquaintences i have and i'd like to know if y'all are feeling me on this one. Be as critical as you like.
Written October 26th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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not bad....
show me some more, k? -
WOW alot of comments?i really like how you said what you feel good work.neways i would really like to see some of your other stuff!!so please keep writeing!you are very talented and i really love this poem and i am blabbering like a lunitic so i guess i should go KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!
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With trying to convey a certain something rhyming can get really hard to do I think you have done great with this as far as rhyming goes except on a couple lines and if you want to make it sound better for rhyming the only suggestion I would have would be to cut or add some words like maybe on your lines:
"Who do you think you are?
Surely your arrogance doesnt extend so far
as to say "he's just an
old nigger" who began
these thoughts of yours
that flow from your pores
of your mind that is twisted,
utterly wicked?"
you could change it to:
"Who do you think you are?
Your arrogance doen't go far.
As to say "he is just an
Old nigger." who began.
These thoughts of yours
Flow through your pores.
Of your mind that is twisted
And also so utterly wicked."
But that is just my opinion...you know it is kind of hard to get approving advice on here because I have found out with my poems that there could be some that hate your poem and a bunch that love it....or vice versa, it mostly depends on who reads it and what they like not only in the poetry type but also in the catagory...like I prefer Dark poetry that rhymes so I really like your poem (because it rhymes) but you get what I am saying....I think it is great right just needs a FEW minor adjustments.
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I liked it. If that was a strong emotion at the time. Then I like how you made the poem your's. the ryme scheme was ok it got rough in a few spots but A plus for saying how you feel. nice job!
Nathan -
Wow this is amazing. I heard you say that you are white and though I do not advicate using the word "nigger" anywhere and by anyone I dont think at least that you meant it dirogitory.*spelt wrong*... however. I am black and Italian and I am proud I like this poem and thank you because it has inspired me. With Rosa Parks just recently passing on I am going to write a poem. It was an amazing poem Keep writing.
~*~!Jasmine!~*~ -
powerful
F-I-R-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was actually thinking of the police beating that MAN the other week when i was reading this! i could feel the anger and disgust in this. i had goose bumps through it. sometimes it doesnt have to rhyme, writing is for the soul! there are too many ignorant racist bastards in the world we need to start schooling them. first we should really get that one out of the white house though. great write -
Inspiring
I really like how you expressed your views. The rhyme scheme is ok, I'm not a fan of 1, 2 rhyming but if it fits you, go with it. I like that you made a point in saying that you're white. Not that it should matter as long as you're expressing your opinion. I especially like,
"Do you think you're all bad
cause your father once had
twenty slaves in his field"
Although I think the last line of this piece really nails how I suspect you feel. Nice write.
Sara
Edited on Oct 26, 9:27 p.m. because ''.
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