Federales chasing
the rich man's gold,
bound by borders.
Coffee sack
across his back,
the
muddy Jesus crosses
the Rio Grande.
Horses halt,
as the sky is angered
by the shots
in
Tequila nights of
the water walker.
Slap in the face
like the scars
of red-
mud on sandals
retreat
to
Armani suit
and Italian loafers.
He lights the Cohiba and makes
giant
smoke rings,
but the mud remains
with the stain of red,
in lines of white gold.
Author notes
Written October 26th, 2005
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Comments
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Boy I hate commenting after zara on a lot of these entries... but once again I find myself agreeing with her. Perhaps if you don't want those "little" words starting lines, they coyuld be placed at the end of the preceding line. That said, overall I really enjoyed this piece. I've read it a number of times and found the story and the layers of imagery hold up on multiple reads. (I like Armani much better than Armante too, more universal I think). Thanks for this entry Muddy.
Jan -
I enjoyed the story in this, and the layered meaning in images of mud, fancy clothes, gold. It's good stuff. The only thing that gives me pause is the line breaks - I wonder why you would give such emphasis to words such as "the", "in", "to", placing them on their own lines like that. Maybe it's a rhythmic thing, and it's slipped me by?
Anyhow, I enjoyed this, and thank you.
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This contains a lot of rich, fulfilling images that work so well in setting the mood and tone perfectly for this piece. The flow is fluid and overall it is a polished, well done piece.
Thanks for entering our contest.
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I am in agreement with the other judges. I find your images rich. In very few lines you manage to evoke a definite feel with this piece. The poem feels tight- and solid.
Thank you so much for addition to our contest.
m -
So much in creative thought flowing in this one and so rich with colors. There's little I feel like I can say following the critiques of Monte and Nursechilly above. Though, I will say the way this is written brings a lot to the piece.
The word that comes most to line based on the imagery in this is rich. Perhaps the idea of sandals soiled by rich clay and the other colors enfolding are part of the reason why...
Best of luck in the contest.
Kimmie -
As one of the judges on this, I shall say that has fulfilled the criteria of the contest and it has a spaghetti western type feel to it, yet they were filmed in Italy as you'd know alreay
but I can almost here that music playing in the background
thankyou for entering -
That's right Muddy, if you don't feel it, it will show (or not show). You sure do feel the blues and I can feel them in every one of your words here. Reading through the comments kind of confused me a bit, so many different takes on this but at the same time, I can see all of the interpretations given in this. From Jesus to immigrants. All of which make this a very good write. You so amaze me. Your words are always profound and so meaningful. A wonderful job here Muddy.
~Lyrical
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it's all about the blues Mal
ya got's to feel it
Peace Muddy -
boy oh boy...muddy....you have a following to be envious of .....besides being sucha great poet......Id say im not jealous...but then Id be lying ......great poem here.....I wont applaud you cause ill just give you a bigger ego.....LOL...love your writings....too...
Malabu -
'...Coffee sack across his back, the muddy Jesus crosses
the Rio Grande...' With the other references, 'twas ol' Pancho Villa himself that came to mind for me...Yes, I can see the allusions to immigration of others, as well...but when ya mentioned 'Federales'...I dunno...I heard both Willie Nelson & Emmylou Harris singing the wonderful song 'Pancho & Lefty'...Go figure, eh???
Your work amazes & stupefies, Muddy...Beautiful penning...Bueno suerte in the contest, mi amigo... 
♥ 
Wanderer
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This is fabulous, I read it earlier in the day and couldn't think of a word to write - so I had decided to wait and come back again...that being said, you have crossed a line with strength and a durability, with passion and allegiance - just phenomenal.
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Excellent poem. I love the use of many different words for our savior Jesus Christ. I was kind of in confusion there for a moment and then it hit me all of a sudden. I wish you luck in your contest. Keep up the good work!!!
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It's a marvelous use of political realities and imaginary lines. At first I thought it was actually an interesting homage to the Western, and the escape of bandits. Then I thought about "Armante suit and Italian loafers," which is decidely modern and suggests more the plight of present day emigrants. It is both vivid, even as it is tragically ironic -- particularly in the final stanza. My sister lives in Tucson, my parents in Santa Fe, and I live in California, so the story also is very immediate to my own feelings. In a few short images you convey a very powerful image of contemporary abuse -- and provide a marvelous first entry in this contest. Being one of the contest judges/hosts, let me be the first to thank you for entering this excellent piece.
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Horses halt,
as the sky is angered
by the shots
in
Tequila nights of
the water walker.
Love that last stanza. Through APTP2, I've come to totally love your stuff. I definitely think you should make it to the end of that competition. Love this poem, as I do most of the rest of your stuff.
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you really have a talent your work intises me
-five broken mirrors -
crystaldust 26-10-05 22:04
A story told with great compassion and and understanding. I like this one very much. Best wishes in the contest. -
Hi Muddy, everyone tries to make a new life somewhere, but your roots you never forget,a beautiful and moving write, sorry am out of applause , great write, hugs Di
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In-depth perspective
He will walk amongst us, in many forms and with many faces, and we will not recognize Him ... Jesus (a general name), water walker, slap in the face ... white gold. It resembles the life of our own Jesus (the Christ) -- modernized, a bit, but all the components are there. Contemporary spirituality.
Dramatized poem, but with much originality.
Good luck in the contest.
Hugs.
Myra -
Impeccable and one that truly stays with you after the read. I love the ending; so subtle and gentle (almost as if trailing off). Thanks
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it makes us wonder if we take for granted what others would gladly give their lives for one day of...what a very desciptive write you gave us..i think i could almost smell the musty sweat of his horse...i really think that was my favorite part of this piece..that it felt like you didnt tell us anything that instead you showed us a picture or movie of this guy trying to grasp the American Dream...very lovely indeed
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Muddy you are the King of great story telling with amazingly down to earth words mingled into a groove of tune that I can hear. I love your poetry! This is an awesome poem! Thank you too for you ever faithful comments on my work. I sincerely appreciate it, especially from such talent as yours!
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Great piece what the price one will pay for their dreams of freedom and progress is so vivid in your most crafted poetice style. Thanksfor allowing the read
ICU -
excellent writing
Very good poem about a man looking to find his dreams in America. I like the style of story telling you have used here.
etherealforu
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this is good
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In general I liked this poem; I enjoyed the story telling aspect of it. It was told in a very matter of fact way, almost a dry quality to it that worked well. It reminded me of songs, ballads, from the past.
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Great interpretation of the contest, I think.
I like the images you've woven together here and hope the contest judge does as well. Good luck!
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remarkable. Very visual. good work (as if I'm a judge..)
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Nice piece. I have trouble keeping time when I read poetry if it's not rhyming. I'm definately no expert but great wording!!!!
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I'm probably translating this poem all wrong, if there is a wrong way to read a poem, but the vision I have in my head is of a Mexican illegally crossing the border in search of wealth in America, but never leaving his culture, his past behind.
now that might be a stretch since I realize Mexicans usually don't cross over the border with their horse, but if you bring this back over several generations to current generation, it really make sense to me this way...and I like reading it this way too!
so in the end, I'd have to say it is an excellent piece of writing for me, and I'm glad I had the chance to read it!
Jo
P.S.: and please please please...even if I'm wrong, don't ruin the illusion this poem created for me and let me believe, because I really feel it is an excellent piece of writing!
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