They sit on the bench (too big for two)
hungry shivers tonguing the holes in his jeans.
Their hands, tight, crush self-help into powder;
mangle it with fox gloves and picnic meat.
The pretty things of night play noisy,
routine ghosts spin the roundabout
as autumn holds beauty high in her fist.
"We are the laughing of the trees,
we are the ruined clock"
(and somewhere behind their heads
Eternity hung from a gnarled vine -
whispering lies and pocketing time)
"we are the laughter of ruined minds".
They soften into crumpled canvas.
September turns her ugly head
and weeps for her lost recluses.
Author notes
love ?
Written October 25th, 2005
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beautiful
bloody hell! this really took the breath out of me! this wonderful! fantastic! beautiful! this poem flowed so well, had a great choice of words and wonderful way of presenting it, i re-read it a few times, i don't know how many, i showed it around....wow, thats all i can say. this babbling and blundering insults this poem so i shall withdraw with awed expression....wow. -
The best writers are almost always misunderstood. I may get a fair share of good comments, but there are still always people who don't understand, it's their fault sweety, not your's.
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Damn, Mellor!!!!
You have gotten really well-versed in writing poetry powerhouses since the last time I commented on you. This doesn't sound like something that was posted on allpoetry. It feels like it should be in an old book somewhere, vintage and brilliant. You sound so much older than your actual age in the way you speak.
Your tongue breaks through the air with the intelligence of a century, wrapped up all in this one little poem.
There are multiple textures to work with and search through for meaning, not to mention you endear us to whoever these people are in the story you are telling.
You draw the reader in and make us want to learn, to know their stories, not just in a poem, but in real life, which brings out a drive for knowledge and a lust for more.
This in the end proves that you are a very professional poet, who knows how to match style with wit.
Excellent!
love to you,
James
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This was a wonderful work, some of it easy: just enough to give the reader the idea; then the rest to make the reader study, decipher: you don't forget with such a format.
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Great
This is a excellent poem...loved it...comment me back -
Oh my! Do you have a way with words or what? How lovely! I was just eating this poem up from the beginning to the end. It was just really yummy! My goodness! Your focus and choice of visuals was just something to behold! The line of the hungry shivers in your holey jeans was brilliant. I'm just loving it! I'll have to pass a link to this piece, to a friend of mine. She's sure to adore it too! The only thing... is the last line. It just seems... off. I'm guessing that the rest of this piece is so deliciously worded, that the last line seemed kind of bland in comparison. But wow, this is some sweet ass work!
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I don't understand any of this, including the title; however, you can manipulate words well: eg line 2
"hungry shivers tonguing the holes in his jeans".
So well done for that - but a little more clarity and explanation would help.
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thimply thuperb
wow., just wow. mellor you just amaze me more and more. i only just noticed you had added this and i had to check it out. its simply amazing. i loved 'we are the laughter of ruined minds', for me, it instantly conjures up an image of children laughing harshly. no happiness. cold and hard. very nice line! same with 'hungry shivers tonguing the holes in his jeans'. you really can write. anyway, i applaud this as it is simply superb -
there is something about your work that gets to me
this one so moved me and I have read and read again, it has such beautiful/haunting Imagery, there is a mourning sense, for me, also and the combination of the beauty and the...well, i.e. the two quotes...the whole just left me pondering and sent a bit of a chill through me...
much, much I love here...oh that bech...'too big for two' and oh, you, much, much more...
I wish I had better words ...am a bit 'off', but grateful to have seen and read this and...
Oh, mellor, you, simplicity that holds a complexity that keeps bringing me back and back...
at last I read you...
ah, thanks, about time...
(love to hear this read aloud, also, hmmm...)
you!
Thank you
m.
Edited on Oct 25, 5:36 p.m. because 'sp/etc.......'.
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