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Painted Bird

an intricate beauty
the beauty is beyond belief
a masterpiece

Author notes


Written October 25th, 2005

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    October 28, 2005
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    now this could be a masterpiece..very nice and tasteful good job! Linda

  • TheDarknessVisible
    October 27, 2005
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    This is an excellent haiku for an author so young. I would suggest trying not to repeat the word 'beauty'.. but that is a rule of thumb about repitition and not a hard and fast rule. (if you do decide to drop one of the 'beauty's' I suggest the first beauty since "beauty" and "beyond" have alliteration.) Since this is an english haiku it is not strictly necessary to absolutely stick to the 5 7 5 syllable pattern of haiku but I think you could do it here.

    perhaps using a word like 'feather' 'colour' or something instead of the first 'beauty' would make the poem more descriptive (while avoiding repitition).

    anyway.. only ideas.. keep writing! cheers!