I watch you today
Your beautiful eyes
Crying droplets of pain
The crystal blue of your stare
An ocean hiding many secrets
And a broken heart
Your long hair that curls
Perfectly around your features
Falls past your pink cheeks
And past a smile fixed
Upon your face
So fake
You used to dance and
Sing so beautifully
Grab my hand and make me
Join in with your crazy dance moves
Now the only music
Is the sound of a breaking heart
You used to smell so sweet
Swimming in a fruity perfume
Which would waft my way
In each gentle embrace
Now all I smell is the heartbreaking
Fragrance of loneliness
Your spirit's drowned in tears
Your heart is turned to stone
There is a beauty you hold
That nobody knows
Cold but precious
A concrete rose
Author notes
This contest helped me break past my writers block,I hope you find somewhere in the entries what you envisaged for the title
Written October 24th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- find the poem that fits this puzzler! by lenedreams.
300 points, ended October 25, 2005, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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FREAKIN SWEET
That piece was simply beautiful. The good Lord has blessed you with his pen and i hope that the use of it is neverending. Have a wonderful day. JOEY -
Thank you very much for the lovely comment
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bootaful
AWWWWWWWWW! thats beautiful. one of the best poems ive seen yet! great job!!! -
Thankyou very much for the really nice comment. I am glad you liked my piece. Thanks for taking the time to comment and read my piece. luv jordan x x
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beautiful
this is a wonderful piece.
i like all the emotion you put in it
you really love the person and it shows.
i like how you look back on the past and comment about it and what it felt to you.
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Emotional!
Ok- you made me cry. After reading your comment on my poem about my grandma, I can't help but imagine your grandma. This poem may not actually be about your grandma but it really touched me. It was beautifully written and made mine seem simplistic by comparison. Great work! -
Thankyou very much huni for the really lovely comment , havent spoken to you in a couple of days so hope that your ok Im glad you liked the piece , thanks again for the comment , love you lots Jordan x x
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Wow! How sweet! It's really sad...I almost cried! It gave me shivers anyway (unless thats because I'm chilly...but I'm pretty sure it was the poem!!) The structure was great, I'm not sure why but it looks like it was planned... a piece of art. I loved the lines:
'The crystal blue of your stare
An ocean hiding many secrets'
That was a lovely metaphor! Yet another great write sweetie, I really liked how it ended aswell!
'There is a beauty you hold
That nobody knows
Cold but precious
A concrete rose'
Awww! hugs -
love you!! xxx-xxx
Edited on Oct 25, 8:46 because 'typo..'. -
Thankyou very much for the HM Luv Jordan x
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you get a great picture of one who is in pain and how she used to be. beautiful write. thank you for entering my contest.
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Enjoyed your take on this contest. Good luck in the contest.
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To be honest this is the first time i have entered a contest , lol despite being on this site for over a year now so writing a poem in this way is kind of different for me, so thankyou for the encouraging comment. luv Jordan x
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wow this is powerful i love it. great poem.
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