Candy mist
Floating on bubbles of anticipation
Sweet purple pebbles
Soaked in the nectar of wistfulness
Breaching unkempt conversations
I draw circles with my eyes
Watching flicks of tendrils
As you cascade honey on toast.
I dip my crust
In your coffee
Melting the oblivion
Of those toffee kisses.
Silently catching fragments
And watching meltdowns
Of that powdered
Crumbling peril
Author notes
picture courtesy Deviant Art
G.T, B.T
Written October 21st, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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wow. amazing. you had such great imagery.
what a lovely write.
keep up the wonderful work!!
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Great poem. I really like your details and imagery. Beautiful picture. Thank you for sharing your emotions with all of us. Keep up the good writes. Good luck in the contest. ttyl Tali
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Nicely written. Thanks for the comment on mine. Keep up the good writting.
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This is really good. Amazing imagery!!! Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest!!
The One and Only...
~Lynn Jones <3 -
I just adored this well adorned visual and metaphoric detailed poem. Your pen just flows with ease and beauty all over this page with the photo to even compliment. I truly enjoyed this and "Thank you" for entering it in the contest. All the best to you
~Joy -
Wow this is fantastic! It says you want a critcal review but I see nothing that I can say bad about it. Wow...Great imagery and wonderful writing(the picture's great too). Good luck in the contest.
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I love the imagery this piece gave me, great description! Thanks for entering!
~shatteredremains -
awesome
wow...i hope you have a good grip on your ego..lol. cause, again...stunning!! (i think i need a brain tune-up)
awesome job...atb, ...Lionslove -
This is a beautiful piece. Very different from what I'm used to! Thankyou for entering
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No wonder its beautiful.
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i don't know after reading this whether to go to the bathroom for a quiet moment or go and raid the kitchen cupboards! maybe i will go and have a quiet moment in the kitchen whilst raiding the cupboards, two birds with one stone so to speak
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Congrats on the gold trophy. A likely choice.
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So cool. I havnt read something like this in a long time. Its full of great imagery. I love this a lot, good job!
pleasure reading,
honkeycorn xox
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Mmm, makes me hungry. I like the metaphor and the overall theme of this poem. It's sweet with a nice coppery after taste like, coffee. Yes, very nice indeed.
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"tantalizeing!!!"
Huh wow. Really good vocablulery - weird comparison, very origninal I bet this could make anyone smile . I think this is a grate poem! "tantalizeing" is exsactly the word for it. I didn't understand some of th words unfortunatly. But this is inspireing and it'll help others lurn to improve their poetry.
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Better than a mocha latte!
Great imagery. I've never seen such a mix of subtle words, blatant inuendo and descriptive mastery. I love it!
Best of luck,
Sly
Edited on Oct 23, 10:43 because ''. -
Awesome write. I love the emotion in this, and very descriptive imagery. A lovely picture to go with it. Awesome job, and keep it up.
~Fallen
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What a lovely picture to go along with this lovley verse - so light and airy and written so simply, yet creates some wonderful background images we can see through the words. awell done.
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I enjoyed this - very flirty in your beautifully crafted imagery.
Best of luck in the contest. -
omg finally a unique poem that isn't cliche and boring. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece. I am going to give you an applause because you deserve it and not because of what you said on the shameless promotion..cuz I only applaud poems that I actually like.
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Wonderful
*CLAPS*
So sensual, teasing.. I love the allure of this poem! It draws you in and you get to see all these naughty little refrences! I love it, how you weave alittle mischif into something so sweet, so simple.. it just drives you nuts to know what is really going on. -
What a poem. You know I managed to take this pretty seriously until:
'I dip my crust
In your coffee'
Which just made me crease up laughing at the unsubtle innuendo. Its witty firty banter right there in the middle of sumptuous and delicate imagery.
Good alliteration in line 3 and I love the expression 'flicks of tendrils.'
Wasn't sure about the final stanza... 'meltdowns' doesn't mesh well with the brittle imagery of 'powdered' or 'crumbling.'
If it were me, I'd finish on toffee kisses. Its the most indulgent part of your poem and a good one to end on.
You've got a good thing going here. It absolutely oozes sumptousness, reflective of the honey.
~Faded
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As you cascade honey on toast.
I dip my crust
In your coffee
Melting the oblivion
Of those toffee kisses.
very beautiful! I love the beauty of the description!!!!! You describe everything so poetically! Keep it up!!!!!!!!
Gem (pegleg)
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Tantalizing!!!I love it! The way that you describe everything, I can picture it in my mind, in slow motion. Great poets are those who can paint pictures with word. You have an extraordinary abilty to do that.
Great Stuff!
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